We Always Hang in a Buffalo Stance

Amy tagged for a 10 Simple Pleasures Meme. So, here you go....

1. Going to the Farmers' Market on the weekends.

2. Evidence on my shoe that spring is here.

3. Griffin's devil faces.

4. Blooming lilly of the valley. They smell heavenly.

5. Lots of lilly of the valley flowers in a bud vase for my aunt (who had a mastectomy Friday and came out of the surgery fine).

6. Smashing garlic.

7. Darwin leaving his foot binding on (bad allergies + baby who scratches a lot = really yucky, torn-up feet).

8. Drinking real lemonade.

9. Fresh-from-the-store fabrics.

10. Woolloomooloo chocolate bar (usually I'm a dark chocolate person, but this bar rocks).


And I guess I'm suppose to tag ten people (that's a lot, yo), but if you don't want to participate that's okay too... Alicia, Marsha, Tasha, Lla, Kim, Jenijen, Lindiepindie, Manda, Cheryl and Dawn.

Wow. And that's not even all the blogging friends I've made. Now that is something to be thankful for.

Oops, I Did it Again

More Randomness! Randomny goodness! You know you like it!
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This morning I woke up to storm clouds. Supposedly it's gonna rain all day today, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Obviously, Mother Nature knows how to fuck up all my and Aaron's plans to get some Serious Gardening done over the weekend.
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I went and got the boys out of their room and Griffin was crying because he saw storm clouds. He's upset because he wants to play with his rocket (he made it at art class) with his space alien (which is a sandbox toy, and I do not let outdoor toys come inside nor to I let inside toys go outside) and the rain is, "ruining my plans for the day!"

Dude, I know the feeling.
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Ladies and Gentlemen, I present the new title holder of The Most Fucked Up Goggle Search to Find Me: accident OR pee OR urine OR wet OR bladder OR soaked OR sodden OR burst OR bursting OR desperate OR exploded OR peeing OR puddle "peed his"

Let's give this winner a round of applause!
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To all those people who have given me compliments for having a green thumb, thank you.


But I couldn't hear you over my laughter.
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I weeded the yard for four hours yesterday and barely made a dent (yes, I'm feeling the four! hours! of! work! in! my! thighs!). After cleaning out the bed around the porch of all the onion grass, I cleaned out around the peonies and then started tackling the island...


I think I got about one fourth of the weeding done. Damn, it's gonna take forever.

I'm going to plant two different seeds (oh Goddess, please let them work as I can only afford seeds and not flats of beautiful annuals) around the tulips so we'll have more to look at than just decaying leaves through the summer.

On the trellis I have two types of honeysuckle growing. One is a beautiful pink honeysuckle that smells lovely...


The other is a variegated leaf honeysuckle that is suppose to have white flowers but has not flowered in the five years it has been growing. Stupid fucker.

But the pink one makes up for it, yes?

In the triangle (I "label" all the areas of the yard -- the triangle is on the west side of the back porch), the alliums are beginning to bloom...


... and the rose bushes are starting to consider it as well...

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Meet my new addiction...


Metromint water. This stuff is seriously addicting. And the only ingredients are purified water and mint (but it doesn't say if it is organic, but it is kosher -- which really, shouldn't be that difficult anyway as the packaging plant should have neither meat nor dairy because hello it's water).

For once, a new addiction is a good thing. I should be drinking more water.
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I managed to do a little thrifting yesterday. I got the boys some books (we love books in this house, and getting seven books for under five bucks rocks) and some little glass jars I hope to use as bud vases. I'll take photos soon...

Can't Blog - - Weeding

Damn you, Blogger, for not uploading these in the proper order. You really are an abusive bastard, aren't you?

All the Boys Think She's a Spy, She's Got Bette Davis Eyes

Alias is on tonight (7 p.m. Central) -- can you handle it? Can you? CAN YOU?

If you missed it last week, go read a recap. And if you like to know what's going to happen in the final episodes, go read spoilerfix.

I'm not obsessed. Pppfffttt. I don't know what you're talking about, really.
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Apparently, Aaron's taking this cookbook thing very seriously.

He's demanding recipes. And? He thinks he gets to name them.

So last night for dinner, I made up a recipe for his proclaimed "Greens and Beans Soup"...


It came out rather well, but needed some starch (perhaps an Idaho potato). And if I starch it up a bit, it's going to need a little more seasoning as well.

But last night was the perfect night for soup -- it was cold and rainy out. And this was the perfect spring soup with spinach and mache wilted into it. Yum.
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For all those people who don't have cable, here's what you're missing...


"Pants Off, Dance Off" on Fuse.

People ("normal" people) stripping to videos. I stayed up way too late watching in amaze/disgust. Seriously, this is what our society has reduced itself too?

I should have gone to bed instead.
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Here's some more pictures of the buffet. And hopefully these help explain why I don't want to paint the inside...




It's not that I'm lazy (even though I totally am), but the inside is in good condition. The outside is just fugly with its high gloss-fakey finish and some seriously large scratches.

So perhaps sprinkling baking soda all over the innards and lightly sanding it will do the job to get the cigarette smell out?

Hopefully?

Maybe?

Please?
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It's about damn time. My favorite radio station is finally streaming online.
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Yesterday at preschool Griffin had the opportunity to plant a turnip seed. Since he's getting his own garden, I figured he'd be all over it.

Turns out, I was wrong.

When I asked him why he chose to not to plant, he said he asked Miss Julie if the dirt and seed were certified organic and she said "no."

Shit, I'm raising an organic snob already.

My Hips Don't Lie

Oh, internet. I've decided to upload all my favorite blogs into bloglines and it's taking forever. Seriously, there are just too many interesting people with blogs.
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Darwin would like everyone to know that his new favorite band is Arctic Monkeys. He would like you to know that he bets you look good on the dance floor.

Griffin's new favorite band is We Are Scientists. He claims that his body is your body and he won't tell anybody and if you want to use his body you can go for it; but I say you have to wait until he's 18. Because otherwise? That's just gross.

My kids obviously have excellent taste in music. I'm so proud.
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For all those people who were envious of my driveway...


Yeah. Bet you're not so jealous now, are ya? ARE YA?
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Gratuitous garden photos...




The pansies will soon be replaced by geraniums...


... which are being held with some of Griffin's gardening plants.

Oh yeah, Griffin's getting his own garden this summer. He's growing carrots and watermelons and orange flowers. Obviously, Aaron is quite excited and wants to go a little overboard...


... I'm gonna have to reel that grandiose idea in a bit.
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Yesterday I made myself tea. Like a normal adult.


And I had a piece of my gluten-free carrot cake with it.

And my brown sugar is from Germany. I'm a bit of sugar snob.

Aaron's company sent him to work at their plant in Germany about seven years ago. He was there for so long I got to visit him (his company paid for my plane ticket). While I was there I fell in love with their sugar for tea. We can't get it here. It's like sugar in the raw, but even more raw. It's like little sparkly brown crystals. I love it. Luckily, we have a really good friend that lives in Germany so we have him get me some when I run out. Luckily for him (unluckily for me), I don't go through it very fast. I rarely get to have my tea time since I've had kids.

I should definitely reinstate my tea time.
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My dad bought us this buffet this past weekend, which was incredibly nice of him. We need storage and have no money.


Anyway, I'm going to sand it, paint it white and get new hardware. Any recommendations for brands of paint? Also, it came from a house where they smoke inside (ewwww). Any ideas of how to get the stench out? We plan on using it for linens (can you believe we have no pantry, no linen closet and no coat closet? This is what sucks about living in a old house) and we really don't want our sheets smelling like cigarettes.
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Has this post been random enough for ya?

I Know what Boys Like, I Know what Guys Want

Pseudo Easter was fabulous yesterday. I managed to concoct a glaze for the ham that was Darwin safe, I came up with a new potato casserole (my old one had three ingredients that contained gluten) and I totally made gluten-free baking my bitch.

Oh yeah. You heard me right. My. Bitch.

Ladies and Gentleman, I have now officially mastered a gluten-free carrot cake recipe that rocks. It is totally going into the cookbook.* I just cannot say how amazing it is to have finally made a GF baking recipe that tastes and has the mouth-feel of a "normal" pastry. Now, I just need to come up with a few more.

The boys had a great time with my parents and loved the egg hunt. Enjoy the gratuitous children photos...






... sorry, I forgot to take pictures of the food. Yes, I normally do that. I'm an egomaniac that way.


*What's up with that cookbook, you say? Well, my in-laws gave us enough money to purchase the laptop but my husband hasn't done it yet. Frankly, not having the computer and software so I can start working on the damn thing is starting to drive me crazy (like that's new). Hopefully we'll get something within the next week. Otherwise expect a HUGE post publicly shaming my husband for taking over three months to order a damn laptop for me.

Come Over, Let Me See You Shake Your Tail Feather

So for the past few days, it has been all Chicken Little all the time.

Frankly, it's starting to get on my nerves. But, at least, I've finally figured out how to adequately shake my ass and have Griffin scream, "Mommy! Stop! Shaking! Your! Booty! Like! That!"

At least I've managed to get a little something accomplished during all the craziness...



It's nice to do something that will STAY done. Forever and ever, Amen.

I hope everyone has a great weekend... wish me luck as I will be making a (delayed due to illness) Easter dinner and gluten-free carrot cake (my. own. recipe.) and hopefully getting some gardening done. And let's REALLY HOPE that I manage to do this all without having any seizure-y things like I did last night (which I really don't want to talk about, other than to say it freaked the holy living shit out of Aaron and he really wanted to take me to the hospital and I kept telling him it was an allergic reaction so we double-dosed me on benadryl and all was fine after an hour--whew!).

Gold Lion's Gonna Tell Me Where the Light Is

The most interesting thing about having this blog has GOT TO BE seeing how people find me.

And seriously, some of the shit people are googling is scary...

"inappropriate behavior young boy animals"
"13 girl inappropriate behavior with boys"
"sexual inappropriate behavior with animals"
"young boy inappropriate behavior hurting animals"

... seriously, instead of googling these, please go to your family doctor and discuss your concerns and get a referral for a specialist. THAT'S WHAT DOCTORS ARE FOR.

Other things people are googling...

"appropriate behavior for business trips" -- don't have a one night stand, wear clean clothes, be nice, show up to appointments on time and tip well.

"celiac disease behavior" -- Don't. Eat. Gluten. Educated yourself and know what gluten is, what additives and preservatives have gluten and the best ways to avoid them. Good for you for doing some research!

"Sensory Integration Disorder" -- Griffin has it (the "worst case" his Occupational Therapist has ever seen -- when we set out to do something in this family, we SUCCEED damn it). Let me know if you need more info.

"high-functioning autism behavior" -- see above.

"multiple allergies" -- Yeah. Chances are Darwin has Way More Allergies than you'll ever have. Hopefully you (or the person you are concerned about) will grow out of them at a pivotal age (when genetics turn on and off -- five years old and again during puberty). If you need more help, let me know. I am the Princess of Multiple Food Allergy Knowledge.

"one eyed cretin" -- Don't make fun of my baby. I'm the only one allowed to call him that. And I don't anymore because his third cyatic nerve regenerated.

"bat shit crazy behavior" -- I am their leader.

And to all the people that are googling song lyrics and finding me -- Rock On!

It's Hip to be Square

Okay, here you go...

Welcome to Sewing 102: How to Make a Damn Easy Pillowcase.

I came up with the concept after Darwin's eye accident. First, buying pillowcases at the barn are out of the budget and we didn't want any zippers where people would be laying their faces on. Necessity is the mother of invention.

Also, I wanted to be able to wash the pillow cases and the pillows (kids have nasty body functions), and I didn't want to store entire pillows -- just small slips of material (I have enough shit in my house as it is, thankyouverymuch).

First, decide what size of pillow you will be covering. I'm going with a 20-inch square pillow for my living room. Next, choose your fabric and wash, dry and iron it all (duh).

Cut your fabric.


For a 20" pillow, I cut once piece 19.5 inches square (I like the pillow case to not be slouchy).

Cut a second piece 19.5 x 17 and a third piece 19.5 x 11 (17 and 11 being approximate. This isn't baking). I use about a 3/8" seam allowance.

Next, on one of shorter pieces, fold up and pin one side of the 19.5" side...


Yes! Just like that!

And sew it. Trim off the excess thread.

Now, fold it up again and pin it.


Great job! Now sew it again!

Next, trim the thread again!


Fabulous!

Repeat for the other shorter piece of fabric.

Next, lay your 19.5" square piece, face up, on the table.


You are such a good directions follower!

Next, lay your 19.5 x 11 piece face down on top of the square piece. Make sure your seam is in the center of the material.


Awesome!

Next, lay down your 19.5 x 17 piece face down on top of your small piece, with the seam side on the center again.


Incredible!

Next, pin all four sides together (taking care to go through all the layers).

Now, you're ready to sew...


Before you start sewing, be sure to pull enough tread through the machine and pull your thread under your foot (this took me forever to figure out -- you'll get less snagging).

Start sewing in the middle of one side (in an inconspicuous location). When you get to a corner, leave your needle in, pick up the foot and rotate the material 90 degrees.


Great job!

Finish sewing all the way around, and locking the thread where it meets your beginning thread.


Superb!

Next, fold your material right-side out and push out the corners with your fingers.


Excellent!

Now you're ready to put your pillow in...


Front view and...


... back view.

In previous pillows, I have put a strip of velcro on the back, but not this time. If you need instructions or a picture, let me know (I'm being lazy and cheap with this set of pillows).

Now, go have fun making pillows for your home!

Done!


My next tutorial will be discussing How to Patch Home Problems, Cheap-Ass Style.