Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Grow Sweeter Each Season

Yesterday was Darwin's birthday. My baby is five, holy fuck - how did that happen?

You had a party this weekend, and between the party, you brother and us your Bakugan collection increased by 15 members. Which about makes me want to cry, because those bits of plastic break easily and are covering the playroom floor.

You continue to love being the baby of the family and tell me daily you'll be my baby forever. Thank you for that, I need it - because especially after getting the puppy, I know there's no way I can handle another one of you baby-humans, I like my sleep too much.

You read a lot and can do Griffin's math work. You can like to tell people about how whales once walked on land (thank you National Geographic channel) and know all the rules of Bakugan which I don't even bother learning. One of your favorite past-times is "doing academics" and have at least three academic books going. I can't keep enough in stock for you. You especially like to sit at the table while I'm cooking dinner, asking questions and telling me when something smells like it needs to be stirred.

A couple of months ago I bought you a sketch book, which you keep referring to as a scrap book and have already filled the 90 page book, so I bought you another one two weeks ago. It's half-filled already. You also like to sneak in my stash and steal water color paper and get out your watercolors. You're jealous of mine ("your's has a fancier box! I want a fancier box!"), but I pointed out to you that you have way more colors than I do. That seemed to help, and getting you a 15-paintbrush set (mine's only 12) put you over the top.

We are headed to the mountains later this week and you're obessed with playing with cousins, fishing and helping me pack the food. I fear how much I'll have to pack for a seven-day excersion with all our food allergies, but you told me you'd go to the stores with me to get all the stuff. "After all, Mommy, I'm your little buddy."

Yes, you are.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Does She Walk? Does She Talk? Does She Come Complete?

A Laura Capello requested to be my friend on Facebook. After checking out her friends I've officially decided the lady is collecting Laura Capellos. Much like Bakugan cards, but with way kick-assier super powers.

Well, this Laura Capello beats that one because This One cooks gluten-free.

Of course, Aaron completely lost his shit. "Is your birthday on there?! She's gonna try to steal your identity! STEAL YOUR IDITENTY! The internet is bad! And evil!"

To which I have to remind him, bitch, I met you on the internets and I work on the interenets. Shutthefuckup.

So this chick has managed to befriend at least a half dozen Laura Capellos from all over the world and I can't help but wonder if it will somehow turn into a it puts the lotion on its skin and puts it in the basket again situation.

And, hi. My skin is already silky-smooth. I don't need any help in that department. Thanks.

Monday, June 15, 2009

When the Wind Picked Up, the Fire Spread

We're having a rough time, or at least - I am.

Griffin's having some... oh, how should I phrase this... I guess a nicer person would call them "growing pains."

I'm more likely to call it SHITHEAD BEHAVIOR, so yeah! Let's be the bestest parent ever and call it that!

I've made no apologies about talking about his Sensory Integration Disorder and how this has totally wrecked havoc in our family. Two years ago he was "released" - not that he no longer has it, just that he no longer qualifies for medical intervention for it. Which is a fantastical way to say haha, sucker!

And in summer, it always seems to get worse.

I don't know if it's the heat, the humidity or a combination teamed with a less-than-militant schedule but holyfuckingshit, someone's acting out around here and it's not me.

The vast majority of this shithead behavior is directed at people. Last week he was telling me his friend was beating him up, but neglected to say he was hitting his friend with a toy repeatedly first. On another day, he kept Getting In My Face, which I like a good four inches between my face and everything else, and he kept Getting In My Face because he thought it was "funny" to piss me off.

Last night, he shoved his brother down while running home from a walk.

"Why'd you push your brother down?"
"Why'd you push your brother down? You have to have a reason."
"He was there."
"Was he in your way?"
"Then why'd you push him down?"
"He was there."


So after some art therapy (he can put most situations into pictures way better than words) I asked Griffin to write Darwin an apology.

Do you see that ending there? Oh my fuck, is that normal? "I will not do it again, if I do I will punch myself in the face."


This is normal, right? Like, it actually is a stage most kids go through?

And goddamn, this parenting shit is rough.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

And She Can't Relax with His Hands on the Small of Her Back

I don't know what it is about this week, but I'm totally off. Everything is totally off. My eye is twitching. I got my panties in a bunch because I went for my annual vajay-jay appointment and my OB was out of town on vacation and I nearly had a hissy fit over not getting my bidness checked out appropriately.

I take my girly bits very seriously.

The weather is awful, the kids are stir crazy, the dog keeps poo'ing in her crate at night (actually, she hasn't the past two nights since I've changed her food BUT I'M STILL COUNTING THE POO since it was going on for over a week).

I need a fucking drink and a fucking beach vacation.

Or grow the hell up and put on my big girl panties. One or the other.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Slow Down, You Are Out of Control


I went to the doctor, got a shot, two breathing treatments and two new prescriptions in hopes of fighting the pneumonia.

Had the van break down, but managed to get it to the shop without being towed.

Found out the van is going to cost over $150 $500 $800 to get fixed.

Lost all hope of taking the boys on a roadtrip in August.

Aaron got sent out of town on an emergency trip and hopefully will come home Friday Saturday.


I found out a good friend is expecting baby number three.

Watered the flowers in the garden.

Listened to the boys playing inside and outside.

Watched Kylie get rid of the bunnies in the garden.

Will be ordering gluten-free pizza for dinner.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

What the World Needs Now

"You know what this world needs?"

"A monument built to my awesomeness where people can bring me flowers?"

"Ahahahaha, no."


"I mean, yes. Yes, of course. And, um, in addition to that...."