Monday, December 04, 2006

If There's Something Weird and it Don't Look Good, Who You Gonna Call?

Nothing says Happy Holidays quite like the Lego Advent Calendar.

Day two:

Screams Merry Christmas! Doncha think?

Day three:

"Aaron, what the fuck is this?"
"Um... a Segway."
"Dude, it's not a Segway."
"Yes it is."
"No it's not. Look at the instructions."

"See? He's not riding it."
"Maybe it's some sort of zamboni thing."
"Yeah, because in Lego Land everyone likes their roads especially icey. That makes a lot of sense."

And all three days together:

::banging head on table::

So, we were suppose to put our tree up yesterday and decorate it. We got sidetracked by the National Geographic channel. Four hours of fabulous programming, including Does the Ark of the Covenant really exist? and Where is Noah's Ark and Did the Flood Really Happen? and The Story of the Exodus: How in Sam Hill did Moses Really Part the Red Sea? and my personal favorite How the Fuck Did All This Super Cool Yellow Glass End Up in the Egyptian Desert? (answer: 400 million years ago a lot of asteroids hit the Earth, turning into fireballs just above the land and made glass throughout Africa and Asia).

So, in other words, the tree didn't get assembled until midnight.


Then, this morning...

"Yes, Griffin?"
"I need to snip off my turtle's arm."

"No, you don't."
"Yes, I do."
"Why do you feel that way?"
"There's something in his arm and I need to find out what it is."
"It's stuffing. Besides, you'll hurt Turtle if you snip off his arm."
"No, I won't. He's an inanimate object. He doesn't feel pain."
"Um... then he'll be broken and I'll have to throw him away."
"That's okay. You can buy me a new one. I really need to see what's inside."

Oh shit.


Anonymous said...

Hmmm, maybe a jackhammer? Maybe it is supposed to look like he is fixing some part of the street?

Great post. I can't wait to hear what is in the arm....

Anonymous said...

I think it is supposed to be a jackhammer, but it looks more like he's polishing the floor. :)

Well, what was it?

Anonymous said...

Jackhammer and floor polisher both came to mind, but neither really make sense.

Griffin sounds like he will be like my husband was when he was little. He took *everything* apart: the stereo, the toaster, the TV (that one blew him across the room). So, uh, good luck with that. :)

Anonymous said...

The Lego thing is definitely a snowblower.
Maybe Turtle needs to suddenly go on a umm... holiday vacation??

Anonymous said...

I was wondering WTF that Lego thing was, too. I caved in and bought my kids a Lego advent calendar, too. It seemed like a fun thing to do, but it has caused more whining and sibling rivalry, so I'm not entirely sure I should have bought the damn thing. But it's good for their brain development, right? RIGHT???

I wish I'd seen the super-cool yellow glass documentary. Maybe we can catch it in a rerun...

diana said...

I say its a snowblower. Laughed out loud at the griffin story.

heatherfeather said...

i'm with diana on the snowblower.

however i'm with griffin with wanting to know what's inside. i'm pretty sure there's gotta be a diamond on the inside.

Ali said...

After many hours spent oggling building sites with 2 small boys, I can say without a shadow of a doubt, that 'the thing' is a compactor. Y'know, for pressing down the tarmac after minor road patching. Believe me, I'm an anorak.

What's in the arm then, 'cause I believe the kid NEEDS to know.

You can call me Betty, or Bethany, or Beth ...Just don't call me late for dinner. said...

The machine is a vibrating tamper that compacts gravel so you can pave over it. I think it is also used to make fruitcake.. hence it's applicable Xmas reference.

Good luck Mr. Turtle. There is never any safety when inquiring minds want to know.

Anonymous said...

I was going to say a jackhammer too. I think Ali must be right. That is the advent calendar? I don't get it.

Anonymous said...

I want one of those Lego advent calendars! I know they're weird and everything but I still want one! My daughter is still without advent calendar cause her mother is crap.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Don't let my kids see this, because they will think our little sewn together scraps of paper advent calendar is a load of crap by comparison. I mean, how can drinking hot chocolate with peppermint stir sticks compare????

Anonymous said...

My son put wheels on his and said it was a cart/lifter. I love the Lego calendar. More because it builds his Lego collection with unusual shaped pieces than being Christmasy (not that I don't love Christmasy calendars too). He is crazy insane waiting for every day to open a new square, isn't that the point of an advent calendar?

kirsten said...

No, turtle hasn't got a diamond inside. It's more likely to be kidney stones or a Turtle Tumour.

And I think that lego thing is a manual compactor.

Chickenbells said...

Well...I am so glad I didn't buy a Lego callendar...I am loving living through your experience with it! Maybe it's one of those things you tamp dirt down with...and the Lego guys when all opened will eventually re-do all of your landscaping...with help from the one armed turtle!

Anonymous said...

Here's the thing...i have no idea what the lego thing is(we do playmobil!) but i'm staying up past midnight to watch cricket in Australia, desperate for the toilet, but i might miss I'm reading blogs..and the story about the turtle just made me LAUGH, LAUGH, LAUGH out loud and virtually wet myself. The boy needs to know. And i need to go change. !

Soo said...

good luck with'll have to let us know what is inside!

Anonymous said...

HUbby says 'the Turtle gets it' I am with the other comment 'Time for a vacation' Oh he's just to cute to lose his legs. Oh my!!! a sad vision of him with a trolly on wheels to help him around:-(
SUzie Sews (UK)

Anonymous said...

i was going to buy the lego advent - but it really isn't christmas-y, is it? they have different versions some years. will check nest year.

LLA said...

It's that thing that they use to flatten out the crushed rock before pouring concrete (like for a sidewalk... what can I say, I live in downtown Atlanta, somone's always building something...)

I need to double check if we opened the wrong compartment today - we got a luggage cart with two suitcases on it... Your stoned pilot is way cooler...