Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I Feel You Creepin', I Can See it From My Shadow

Day Nineteen
"Did you call a plumber, ma'am?"
"Um, no."
"Are you sure ma'am?"
"Yes, I'm sure."
"How about a serial killer, did you call for a serial killer ma'am?"
"No, I didn't."
"Alrighty. Wrong address then. Sorry 'bout that ma'am."


I've noticed everyone is beginning to panic about the holidays being so near. I'm not panicking. Hell no.

This may have something to do with the fact that I've decided that it's not that important to stress about. Please. I have plenty of time.

Or it could be about the fact that I'm in utter complete denial that the holidays are right there, banging on my door to let them in already.

I've already took it upon myself to call everyone and give them my woe is my, I have pneumonia story. If you preface it with that and the doctor considered admitting me in the hospital and the antibiotic makes me puke, like all the time; I'm just grateful it doesn't give me hives people become amazingly caring. "Oh honey," they say, "don't you worry about that holiday box. Just sending it when you are feeling better."



"Mommy, I want this and this for Christmas. And this. And look at this page - Mommy? Are you paying attention? Look at this page. I want everything except that one. And I want this and this. Mommy? Are you listening to me? Mommy?"

"Yes, Griffin. I'm listening."

"Good. 'Cause I want this and this and this and this and this and two of these and..."

"Griffin, where in the hell do you think you're going to fit all this shit if Santa brings it all to you?"

"Good point, Mom. I need a new house too. Just for me. It will rock."

"Just for you? If Santa gave you a house it would be just for you? You wouldn't share it with everyone else in the family?"

"We-ell, we could smoosh my house up to this house and use a super huge glue stick to stick them together and that way I can share some of it. But when I get sick of you I can say hey Mommy! Get out of my house! You are pissin' me off!"


Anonymous said...

I think Griffin's on to something there. I need my own house for when people are pissin' me off, too!

Hope you're doing better soon. I'm not ready for Christmas. The kids are still sick, I'm getting sick again, and all our plans have been rearranged.

Isn't that a scary wrench? I can see why all the women in Lego City left. I don't see any good dating prospects there at all.

Anonymous said...

The Holiday season is all about milking whatever will get you out it. I'm nervous this year because I don't have anything to blame for my refusal to attend the millionth and final holiday gathering this holiday season. Some how "I'm going to harm old Aunt Judy if she gives me incorrect and unsolicited parenting advice one more freakin' time!!" doesn't cut it as a reason to skip out on the festivities.

When Griffin gets done with glueing the new house to yours can he come to mine and make me one? Please!!!!

Anonymous said...

Rock on little man!

Anonymous said...

I think I'm still traumatized by the Alien Probe lego from the last post and now you have a serial-killer plumber with John Wayne Gacy clown lipstick... WTF?

Oh yeah, I do hope you get better soon. Hugs from fabulous "NO SNOW" Michigan.

Anonymous said...

I wish I could say that to my family sometimes too! I am not stressing about Christmas yet either. I hope you are feeling better.

MéLisa said...

Oh Girffin How right you are Little Man! I need my own house too. Or maybe just a different one that isn’t illegal (F*^% corrupt local scum government) Oh sorry where was I?

Oh yeah, do you think Leggo land is like prison? Who do you think is whose prison B^%#*? I think that the serial kill with the wrench is at the top of the pecking order.

I hope that you are feeling better & if makes you feel even mo' better I have totally given up on getting anything anywhere in time. Ahhhh….

I see that there is another Michigander that is lacking snow as well. (Hi Dawn)
Damn state!

Kim -today's creative blog said...

you had your chance to be admitted to the hospital and you didn't beg? At least you would get some rest, but the food wouldn't be gluten free................yeah, I wonder what they would do about that. hmmmmm

I hope you are feeling better. We still have a bug lurking in our home. It attacked my nose and eye, but doing much better today. :)

Angelina said...

It's amazing how simple the holidays get when you have only two sets of friends within a 600 mile radius, no family coming to visit, no trip to take, no presents exchanged between friends and most of the small family we have. It's actually kind of sad. I am spoiling my kid this year because no one else is.

Still, it's nice that it will be mellow.

Anonymous said...

Griffin's a funny little man!

And still love your narrated advent stories! I will miss them when Christmas is over.

Anonymous said...

Oh! Oh!

Day 18 was a radar machine! You know? For the policeman to use in speed traps on the lego highway.....

It has the speed right on it!!

diana said...

I would say all that speech therapy paid off with griffin!

patrice said...

I'm glad you are on the mend. And fuck the holidays. Except the boys.
Also, I like your glasses a lot!
And, still no archives. I'm pretending it's still a possibility so I don't have to feel the loss yet.

Chickenbells said...

Dude...if you were a good would just craft that boy his own house...or maybe make it out of legos? What the F is on that guys mouth anyway...was he drinking Kool-aid?

Anonymous said...

My girls have already decided that when they are older we have to move out and find somewhere smaller not them!
Hope your Christmas is full of rich blessings despite the stupid F****n pneumonia!!!

Anonymous said...

I was thinking about the whole male situation in Lego city. Either it's a 'gay' thing - very politically correct - OR it's totally the opposite... I mean, girls play with Lego too, right? I did, all the time. Why is it ok for girls to play with boys' things but not the other way around?

Anyway, how're your lungs? looking after them? still puking?

How easy the world would be if we gave it in the hand of children?

Anonymous said...

LOL - Griffin and Ellerie would be quite the comedy show.

Holiday shmoliday I say.

And your lego man - did the serial killer lego man eat a big plate of spagetti before he came knockin? What is with the red circle around his mouth? ewwwwwww.


Anonymous said...

Hahahaha! Griffin is a charmer. My son told me something similar, that when he is a daddy that his children are going to school because he will have 'things to do'. This coming from the boy who refuses to enter a classroom! And if Griffin gets his own house, I'm dialing up Santa to ask where mine is!

BTW, I see the plumber/serial killer being played by Kevin Bacon.

nuttnbunny said...

Here's to a New Year that needs no bean dip :-) (I'll still have some on hand, just in case)

PamKittyMorning said...

I see that Griffin and I have an understanding. What is not to love about him?