Saturday, February 18, 2006

Insane in the Membrane (Insane in the Brain!)

I know, internet; I know.

I have less then 18 hours to the party and I'm posting. WTF?

I've been a mad woman, mad I tell you.

Last night, around eight o'clock or so, I went out (with only a thin jacket and no socks, in eight-degree weather) to go to two grocery stores and a scrapbook store. I nearly lost some fingers due to frost bite. But it was all worth it because I got to hear the "Humpty Dance" on the radio (People say, "You look like MC Hammer on crack, Humpty!").

Then today, I was out again running everyone everywhere and I didn't get home until after four o'clock this afternoon. And then? I baked the gluten-free cake (I totally kick ass. Expect a cookbook soon, internet. Soon).

And now, I'm in the middle of making a Martha recipe for chocolate frosting. Which, Martha? Let's get a little serious.

For starters, it should be called "Four Hour Frosting." Because that's how long it takes to make.

Second of all, Martha, what happened to your standards? Nestle morsel chips? Are you kidding me? In the magazine you specifically said "Use an inexpensive brand of chocolate; fancy brands won't work as well." You're MarthaFuckingStewart, not Sandra Lee for christsakes. Get a grip. Make your entourage of people do your damn job, and do it right!

And third of all, do you know why the cheapie brands work better? Do you? DO YOU? Because they contain GLUTEN Martha, GLUTEN. And as we all know gluten is a binder sent from hell to make bad food look good. BAD FOOD, MARTHA.

Now... I must go back upstairs to stir the Four Hour Frosting. AGAIN.

1 comment:

Tom said...

Um, I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.......