Wednesday, February 27, 2008

If You've Gots the Poison, I've Gots the Remedy

Nothing says first-class parenting like letting your children fall asleep on the couch while your catch up on email. Nothing.

Also first class? Getting into a bicker with your husband over the damn turtle and hey! Guess what! He knew the turtle had an algae problem on his shell and thought I heard him when he muttered about it across the house. Did I mention it's Aaron's birthday? Happy birthday two thousand miles away. Sorry for trying to convince you to let me organize the house. I didn't mean to piss you off.

Did you know freshly-minted six year olds shower? They do. They don't know how to wipe their own ass but they sure as hell prefer a shower over a bath.

Let's talk mops!

Now, I'm the first person to admit I'm a sucker for cleaning supplies. Part of it, I'm sure, is due to the fact that during the majority of my childhood my dad was married at a psychotic Southern Baptist (aka, my stepmonster) who had me fully trained in cleaning everything in the house by the age of eight and she instilled that whole cleanliness-is-godliness bullshit because if you think about? Really? God made a lot of dirt. I mean, if you believe in what she believed God made the earth and made man out of sand and all that stuff so really... how's cleanliness next to godliness?


Also? I'm OCD. The children have taken a lot of that away from me, but I dream perfectly white linens and get a wee bit obsessed with stains.

Aaron claims my cleaning obsession is "almost cute" the way I like to try new products (what's not cute about it? the piles of the shit that don't work in the basement because Aaron won't let me throw them away; that's not cute).

Disclaimer: in no way is my house ever clean to my satisfaction. Ever. Don't come by unannounced because I may not let you in because I'm not happy with it. Also, I may not have a bra on.

So, here's what I use around my house no. I'm proud of the way I manage to pare down the amount of stuff I use.

For the small jobs:

The swifter. God, I love this thing. And yes, it's dirty. Because it gets used a lot. I use it for light sweeping and for wet-swiftering when I think the floors need a pick-me-up and need to be a bit more sparkley.

Don't look at me like that. You know sometimes you want your floors to be a bit more sparkley too.

In the kitchen area, I dry swifter daily and wet swifter every few days.

When things get serious around here, I pull this puppy out:

The Bissell Flip-It. Just so you know, if you're not? You should be oooohhhing and aaaaahhhhhing right now.

I asked for this for my birthday a few years ago when Darwin had just discovered that food is sometimes wet and gravity always works. Dude. Toddlers. Seriously.

You can vacuum bare floors with it and when the big stuff is vacuumed up you turn it 180 degrees and WHAMMO, it mops and squeegees the floor dry in one pass.

And (hold on to you hats!) it has different pads for different kinds of floors and it has different cleaning solutions for wood floors and other floods (we have wood floors underneath our carpet, which someday will be exposed so help me Goddess).

Once I got this, I didn't need anything else. Or so I though.

Which brings me back to my scrub-your-house-clean mop...

This, by far, is my favorite type of real-mopping mop. The squeeze action of getting all the nasty water out of the sponge rocks and now with the additionally green bristle things... ::swoon:: the dried sewage covering my basement floors isn't gonna have a chance in hell.

So, that's all I have as far as mops go. Now, if you'd like to discuss dusting cleaner, laundry detergent, bathroom products... woowee, I could chew your ear off about those things, honey.


Kim -today's creative blog said...

really? You have FOOD floors under your carpet? I think that might be where your allergies are coming from. LOL
I love makes me feel SO much better.

Stephanie ODea said...

hey, if you're good, I'll let you play with my scooba.

that was my anniversary present to myself last year. I was a good wife.


patrice said...

I'm getting kind of turned on just looking at your cleaning equipment! I admit that I too getting really excited by a clean house. Sadly though, I rarely get that kind of satisfaction in my life since becoming a parent.

Sometimes Bill will take Annie to his folks house for the weekend and I will clean like a manic before they go so I can just revel in the order and cleanliness, and even clean more while they're gone.

Sick, huh?


patrice said...

that was "get" above

Anonymous said...

I have got to get my hands on that mop scrubber thing. Have to!!!
you mop your basement floor? Ooohh, something to think about.
why are there so many KC bloggers? you actually run into each other? I feel so left out here in Mass. But just so you know how cool I almost am, Rachel, from Buttons Maggee used to live a few towns away, but I didn't know until right after she moved to KC. I told you I'm almost cool.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Bissell Rocks! I'm on my second machine. If you have kids, you need one especially for cleaning up puke! They should all be born with one attached. My favorite, favorite, what really turns me on, is when my husband pushes the Dyson vacuum around. Tell Aaron that you got him a Dyson vacuum for his birthday! Then tell him you want to watch him push it around when he gets home. THEN, he might get lucky!! Hehehehehe!! I know, I'm bad!

Anonymous said...

I'm with ya, why can't the house just be orderly and clean and sparkly all the time, why do objects that have no decoratively worthy purpose appear on the table, on the chairs, on the floor, in the corners, behind furniture, under furniture...!! And I don't even have children.

Apple said...

I have no desire to clean. I wish that I were like some of you and liked to clean, but no I got stuck with the "I don't care if my house is dirty personality".
Now, let me house is not dirty, I do clean, when I have to, because well, I HAVE to. I am just not compulsive about it. Please send me some of your personalities. he he :) Thanks.

Chickenbells said...

Oh, I'm liking that flip it...I may have to check into that when I get home...I was swiffering the Airstream today when we got all settled.

Yes, there's nothing like mopping on vacation to REALLY turn you on...

Anonymous said...

wanna come over and clean? I hate cleaning. HATE it.

Oh - and I joined a yahoo group to buy JP fabrics wholesale. Ae you kidding? I am too damn cheap to pay$22 a YD for fabric!!!

Chara Michele said...

You crack me up! I hate cleaning, but I like having a clean house... I wish there was a way to just have it magically clean itself! :)

Angelina said...

you know this post just confirms my love for you. I need to get all three of those tools. I have experienced nothing but disappointment in the mop department and although I am not a tidy person I do actually really love clean floors.

I'm so excited!

I'll talk cleaners anytime.

World Wide Alternative said...

"Don't come by unannounced because I may not let you in because I'm not happy with it. Also, I may not have a bra on."

Welcome to my world...Xxx

Anonymous said...

I have that mop!! OK, mine is red and blue but it's the same kind and I love it. It's great for those times when I don't want to get down on my hands and knees to scrub the floor.

forcryeye said...

Would you like to come over and demonstrate how to use these items? That would be great.

The Nice Lady said...

I am seriously thinking I need that mop... and here's a scary thought: I was cleaning the bathroom at 2 a.m. (why? because it was there? IDK?!)

gwendomama said...

well I WOULD HAVE BEEN appropriately impressed with that mop of wonder.

Anonymous said...

when i moved in with my (now) husband he made fun of my swifer so i got rid of it. i'll never forgive him.

Anonymous said...

OK, I need more info about the flip-it thing. I wanted one of those when they came out, but I didn't want to buy a product that required me to buy solutions, etc. Will the thing work if you just put vinegar and water in it?

I have been putting off buying a new mop for over a year because I can't find replacement sponges for the mop I have. I suggest you go buy about 10 replacement sponges for your new mop! :)

Deann Johnson said...

I'm surprised to see no one commented about the best cleaning device known to man or woman - the hand held steamer. This bad boy can clean all that gunk out around bathroom faucets, that nasty stuff where the toilet seat attaches, even the little "bleach" letters that are indented on the washing machine.
I am totally addicted to using this thing ! I have a monster one now after I used my other one to death. Best $20 I ever spent.
...and, btw, I hate cleaning