Tuesday, February 19, 2008

If You Didn't Come to Party, Don't Bother Knockin' On My Door

Yes, I saw the doctor yesterday. And yes, it was as fabulous a visit as I expected.

"So, Laura. Why are you here?"

"Doctor D pulled some blood work on me and I wanted to go over the results."

"O-kay. Why are you seeing me then?"

Dumbfuck. "Because Doctor D left a month ago to go to his other practice."

"Why didn't you see him before he left?"

Oh my hell. "Because my results were just came in Tuesday."

"Why'd they take so long to get in?"

Because your office is ran by a bunch of fucking imbasols. "I have no idea."

"Why aren't you just seeing him at his new practice?"

It's nice to know I'm a valued patient, asswipe. "Because insurance doesn't cover me there."

"Alright, well let's take a look" ::clickety, clacketing away on his computer:: "I don't see any test results for you."

"Yes, they're there."

"Nope. I don't see anything for you since November."

Cocksucking fucktard. "No, he ordered them and pulled them in December."

"Oh, it was just a lab?"

No, it we met up in Greece for rough sex and an appointment first. "Yes. Just a lab."

"O-kay, here they are. Huh."


"Well, these don't mean anything. Have a nice da-"

::Aaron walks in the door::

"Hey, did I miss anything?"

"Um, YEAH. The doctor claims my test results don't mean anything."

"I didn't say that"

Sexist Pig, yes you did. "Yes, you did."

"No, nonononononono, I said I didn't know what they mean."

What the fuck you don't know what they mean? How in the hell did you get your MD license? "What? What do you mean you don't know what they mean?"

"I don't know what them mean, so obviously they aren't important."

Oh my hell, do you know how to wipe your own ass? "Dude. They are way off. They are important."

"No, they aren't."

OH MY GOD! "Yes, they are!"

"So what do you think they mean?"

"That one shows I had rheumatic fever as a child."

"No, it doesn't."

Don't fuck with me, asslicker. "Dude, you just said you don't know what they mean. Now you're trying to tell me you magically know what they mean?"

"Yeah, they don't mean anything."

He's lucky I don't like guns. "I have an idea. Why don't you refer me to a doctor that actually knows something. And you're gonna pull some blood work on me."

And that, my dear friends, is how the doctor's visit with a new-to-me doctor at our family center went. I convinced him to pull three tests on me (he even threw a hissy fit because he wanted to do his lyme instead of the one I was told to have done, so he pulled both) and refer me to someone else.

The office he referred me to is for HIV and Bird Flu patients. Because, he's an asshole and obviously doesn't know shit about medicine.

So... we need a new focus around here.

What do you think about that weather?


Dana said...


My mother never curses. Ever. But, when she is really mad at someone you know it because she uses the closest thing to a curse word that she has in her vocabulary. And, if she uses it she means business. So . . . as my mother would say . . . WHAT A JERK FACE!!!!!!

~Molly~ said...

You are joking? I wish you were joking! I'd probably pay out-of-pocket for the first doctor, just to get a better referral out of him. How scary!!


ps, beautiful weather! I'm jealous!!

Anonymous said...

What a charmer! And by charmer, I mean narcissistic asshat. Do you have some other options at the practice, doctor-wise?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, when I mean to swear, I say "God Bless America". I think it is permantly warping my children and they'd be better off if I just said shitfuckdamnpisshell. Which was what we always said at girl scout camp.

So, shitfuckdamnpisshell Laura! Was this doctore like 12? Have you looked into the cost of med school? You know, the whole "if you want something done right, do it yourself" diagnosis.

Good luck! and hugs!

Chickenbells said...

WTF?!?! Am I stating the obvious if I say that if he didn't know what the tests meant, then how did he know that they weren't important? I mean, cause' I know I could use a little more money in my pocket...And, I can say with complete confidence that I can definitely look at blood work and totally have no idea what it means...

I could be a doctor!!

I have heard so many horror stories about medical care lately, it's leading me to one conclusion: Medical care is getting very festive in this country...Good grief. (oh, we're getting snow again tonight and tomorrow as well...crazy global warming)

Angelina said...

You know I think that weather is gorgeous!

But about that doctor...WTF????

robiewankenobie said...

i had a dumbfuck doctor in the middle of an awesome obstetrics practice. it was a very similar conversation. i went to the very nice nurses and told them to keep him the fuck away from me. asshat. apparently i wasn't the first to complain.

keep being your own advocate chica, you need answers.

forcryeye said...

WTF? Thank you for teaching me a new word, which I am sure I will be saying on a daily basis. Bastard.

Ali said...

I'm guessing you won't be making another appointment with this gem of the medical profession!
Pretty snow (I'm English - we do weather chat VERY well).

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Do you want me to shoot him with my net gun? Just let me know!

Carla said...

What the heck cous!!! Oh my gosh! I can't believe they treated you like that. Do they not understand who they are messing with? I will go get him....hold me back!

The Nice Lady said...

Oh my hell... welcome to it.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have so been there and done that OVER AND OVER again. It seems like before someone can become an endocrinologist they must first be a wrong-circular-thinking *insert cuss word here*.

Most recently (weeks before a tumor board approved me for surgery) I had a doctor looking at pictures OF ME say... this person looks like they have *disease that I likely have*, but you don't. Um hello? did you notice that they are pictures OF ME?

Please know that you're not alone.

Anonymous said...

aaron just read this over my shoulder (my aaron, obviously). he was laughing and laughing 'good ol' capello'.

anyway, SORRY! why does everything medical have to be hard for you? that stinks, and i hope it all works out soon!

gwendomama said...

i really have nada to say about the fact that doctors are so afraid to admit or even allude to the vast canyons of information that they (WE) do not know, yet are far more willing to carry on the dance and charade of belittling you for asking to know anything at all.

i have absolutely nothing to say about that whatsoever.


Xan said...

Holy crap. I can't believe that! I don't think I could have remained as calm as you did. It's scary to know that people like that are trusted with sharp needles.

French Knots said...

What a tosser!
Are there any doctors at the centre that you could see instead,as he is obviously not one?!

LJ said...

dude that's totally messed up!!
and the weather too! I want to see grass!

Anonymous said...

Hey there! Sadira's friend Rich here. She just told me about your post and I had to comment!

Feb of 2006 I became ill, very ill. I went to a doctor for the first time in over a decade, had blood tests, the works. I thought my appendix had exploded.

I was called in the next day as my blood work had a white count in excess of 18,000. Normal humans are 8,000 - 10,000. The PA was in a panic.

The actual doctor came in, said I didn't need a CT scan, and to come back in two weeks for follow up blood work.

I spent an entire year having tests every 2 weeks, doctors freaking out at my blood work, and all ignoring my abdominal pain.

Anxiety was suggested, counseling, the whole 9 yards. I couldn't sit up without getting sick and dizzy. I couldn't drive. I'm a climber, hiker, and former director of a fortune 500 company. Anxiety my ass.

Finally, one year later I yelled at a new doctor regarding a CT of my gut (needed 1 year earlier). I received a frantic phone call from the doc, Colon Cancer, large tumor in my colon. He apologized for not doing the CT sooner.

Wasn't colon cancer either, but the ball was rolling finally! Autoimmune disease causing mass inflammation in my gut.

It took one year, me learning I was in pain and in trouble, and telling the doctor what to do. In the end, the CT that was canceled one year earlier would have helped me so much.

You need to direct them. If you're getting blown off, switch until you find one who listens! Seriously, doctors are no longer in the business of helping us, they're just servants to the health insurance companies and the bureaucratic structure that's developed over the past few decades.

Good luck, and drop a note whenever you like.

beki said...

Oh Laura, I'm so sorry! I hope you can keep looking for Dr who will listen and actually do something.

Anonymous said...

what a nightmare - no, worse than a nightmare, because it's reality.

You had what kept me up last night...the FEAR OF HAVING THE SAME EXACT ENCOUNTER WITH THE NEW DOCTOR THIS FRIDAY...I'm not looking forward to it is an understatement.

Anonymous said...

why is it that reading this is like balm for my soul...you are writing what i am thinking.

oh my f.http://pra

Anonymous said...

wow, i hope that idiot doesn't actually get paid for this!! he's just a first year medical student on work experience, right? he was on cocaine thinking he's brilliant and couldn't help himself playing doctor and having a laugh for 10 minutes, right?

Anonymous said...

PS i have a doctors visit ahead of me tomorrow, my health insurance covers (well, covers 75 of the 180€) the visit to the specialist but i just found out today that if he orders any tests that they won't be covered in his hospital!! aaargh! i have to call in the morning and see will he let me do the tests in a different hospital, oh i hope i'll be able to still cancel if he says no.