Before you all get excited, I have at least another 50 to go. And then I get to see a plastic surgeon. Because of the skin. Oh internet, the skin. And even after that, I'll have another 20 to 30 pounds to go. I'm not all the way there, but I'm getting there.
Anyway, my highest weight was at Griffin's first birthday -- I had packed on 65 pounds from the pregnancy and another 10 breastfeeding. Obviously, my boobs don't work right.
Neither does my metabolism.
When I was a baby, I was very sickly. Once I turned five, I got a lot better. But I still got sick a lot. Otherwise, I was a pretty average kid. Not much motivation physically, but I got straight A's.
Puberty came and fucked me all up.
Knowing what I know now about genetics and Celiac Disease, I am really a normal textbook case. When you are five and again during puberty a lot of your genes turn on and off (this is why most kids outgrow eczema by the time they are five). The theory is that during these times, allergies can also be turned "on and off."
Hitting 13 sent my world into a tailspin. The weight piled on (and considering the way my step-monster "cooked," it should be no surprise; the human body wasn't made to live on Hamburger Helper alone) and I got really sick. Not so sick that I couldn't go to school and function, but sick enough not to be happy and know that something was wrong.
By the time I was a senior in high school, I weighed quite a bit. After the holidays, I joined a well-know weigh-loss clinic and lost 60 pounds in four months. Then I got really sick.
Constantly going to the hospital sick. Constantly getting tested sick. It took two years for my doctor to do a MRI on my entire body. I had an ovarian cyst the size of a grapefruit.
Instead of doing anymore testing, I was cut open six weeks later -- and the cyst was gone. A year later I got referred to an excellent OBGYN who diagnosed me with PCOS. I was put on glucophage and I've been much better ever since.
But better didn't equal healthy. I was still sick. I got referred to an alternative doctor; I went through a lot of testing -- some of the results required a couple of weeks of treatments, others were years long. The one outstanding problem I have is Wilson's Syndrome, which is a thyroid disorder.
Those two diagnoses should have been enough to get me up to healthy. Following the regimes made me a lot better, but I still didn't consider myself healthy.
Getting my allergy results in October was a huge relief -- I was allergic to wheat (and for the record, I have not officially been diagnosed with Celiac Disease. It is very rare to have a wheat allergy and not have celiac; furthermore I didn't want to go through the time and expense of two years of testing when I already knew I'd have to eat a wheat-free diet, eating gluten-free is no more difficult. And the only way to treat a wheat allergy and celiac is to follow the proper diet).
Over the past three years, I have been working my ass off (literally), trying to lose weight. Going gluten-free has magically transformed how my body processes food -- which should be no surprise, since I am allergic to wheat.
My body is changing a lot lately, and everyone's taking notice. My typical response is, "I know! I have a neck! WHO KNEW?!"
I've giving my background history not to excuse my fat-ass-ness, but to discuss women and weight in our fucked-up society.
It has been going around the past few weeks (like weight is ever really far from people's minds, anyway) about how everyone feels fat. One person felt like a failure because she was a size eight, and was a size two when she got married; her husband told her it was like she broke a promise to him, she was not the woman he had married. Another person keeps a daily record of her exercise and calories on her blog; she's upset if she eats more than 800 calories in a day.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Why, as a society, do people worship these prepubescent waif children? Why are the young and rail thin our ideal of perfection?
Personally, I love my hips. I love my boobs. I love my strong arms that can pick up my 40-pound and a 32- pound children at the same time. I love my muscular thighs that can chase them around the house, yard and park. I love my lungs that can scream at them to stop! back up! and hands off! I love my knowledge as a woman, it is much more well rounded than that of a child.
I'll likely never be a size that is a single digit. And I'm okay with that. I can run up a flight of stairs without being out of breathe, and that's pretty damn awesome.
We need to get some perspective of what's healthy.
17 comments:
Well you go girl! I agree 1000%. I think you are beautiful! I'm so glad to finally see a photo of you. I'm always trying to see and hear people when I read their words. "Knowing" you through words alone, I thought you were beautiful too. What a gift to know you before even seeing you then. hmm. You are complicated, funny, sensitive, and loving, creative and a million other great qualities too- I'm sure!
Health issues suck! It is wonderful that you are taking charge of it all and doing what is right for you though.
I gained 65lbs when pregnant too and then had a thyroid issue after that but mine was overactive. Oh yes and I was and still am an eczema poster child. Weee. TMI? Anyway. You are wonderful. I loved you reflective post. Now I will shuddup.
typo: YOUR post not you post.
and dudette- you ain't even got a chance at good health if you're made to live off Hamburger Helper!
Congratulations to you! You've overcome an awesome hurdle. I've struggled with my weight most of my adult life, and will most likely be struggling again after this baby. Oh well.
I agree with you about our society's messed up senseof beauty. I'd much rather be healthy than be a certain number on the scale or dress size. They're just a freaking number! As long as you're healthy and feel good, that should be enough.
I think you're beautiful - inside and out!
I am proud of you! You are a strong woman and you're beautiful too. It seems to me that figuring out this gluten stuff has totally changed your outlook. You seem more confident and positive like maybe you're finally in control of some things you weren't before. Does that make sense?
What a great post. Thanks.
Congrats on the weight loss and strength for the rest of work!
And your first and second bags look great, great, great. I also am learning that the second time is better and the third must be a charm!
I love it.
I love your what you are writing, and I love your bad language. : )
Keep it up - we need more bloggers like you.
Well said. You are lucky to have boys. This issue is even worse for my 15 year old daughter.
I once read a blog where a woman said she didn't want to become "that woman" at playgroup who has let herself go, that would be me. I didn't gain weight due to a health issue, my issues were stress and overeating.
I am so glad you found out about the wheat and that you are getting more healthy everyday. The best is yet to be.
i'm so glad to see you! you have a wonderful personality. not to mention how attractive and beautiful you are. my favorite thing about your posts (and personality) is your sarcastic tell-it-like-it-is attitude. it's real! if we met in person, i know i'd click with you. geesh, just last night i was telling husband how it would be nice if blogging friends could meet for lunch.
i loved your post. it is so true. weight is such a stupid issue in our society. i have had my share with weight issues.
oh, another thing amazing about you is that despite all your health issues you still have a sense of humor! don't ever change, you're great!
Capello--This is so great! I knew you could do it. It is grea to see you doing what you have been striving to do since high school. I need your motivation. WW is not working.
I agree with everyone. You are extremely talented in your writing, and I hope you get a free-lance job doing just that, WRITING!!
I miss you lots. I too wish I was close enough to have lunch with you and let our boys play.
The purses are darling. I guess I need to try one, maybe I will even try a zipper. Can't be that hard.
Love ya,
Your Wisconsin Best Friend
You are so beautiful. Almost a beautiful as you are funny and frank.
I am not surprised.
While I don't have a weight problem but I do have other issues bouncing around the old "looks" arena. Teased and dateless in highschool etc.
There is a lot wrong with the way "we" (as a society) see each other generally as opposed to specifically.
I am glad you are feeling better.
I had a friend in college who worked to maintain a size 0. I always found that odd. I would never want to be rated a ZERO in anything; nor a 2, for that matter.
I hate to ring in with the same ol' same ol' (that song title is taken!) but I agree w/ you and everyone. Bad values, this society. Bad. Shame. And I'm so glad you brought it up.
For the record, you are beautiful, with or without the 90 lbs. but I'm so happy for you b/c you were trying when I moved and being healthy - FEELING healthy - is the "it" factor... not society's standards.
I was at the park yesterday w/ playgroup and one mom told her 2 year old TWO... just turned TWO... to "go run off those calories." First of all, if you want your kid to run around at the park and play like a monkey, why give them snacks there? But secondly.. well, need I even mention second? Oh, and the calories she was urged to burn off were from a baggie full of pretzels, cheerios... you know, kid munchems. Not chocolate soufle, for Pete's sake.
I'm very happy for you, Laura, b/c I know you've been working at that since I left (by the way... how's your dad doing on the bet?) and I know you'll feel better. Neck or no neck!
Kim
Great post! I'm so glad that you found out about the celiac and went gluten-free ... it seems to be the solution to a lot of problems. I completely agree about society's screwed-up standards, and for the record, I'm in awe of your strength. Carrying one 50-pound child is a strain for me. (So I very rarely do that. The little buggers have legs for a reason.)
And, seriously, you're gorgeous.
I enjoyed reading this post.
My brother-in-law and mother-in-law are of the fat-equals-broken-contract school, but my husband is of the I-like-soft-round-things school. Thank goodness for him! He really knows how to make a pregnant woman feel pretty.
Wow! You're gorgeous! You sure you need to lose more weight?
Maybe this is too personal, but a friend of mine has the same cyst problem and has convinced herself she'll never have children. Did you have trouble conceiving?
Compared to people that REALLY have conceiving problems, no -- Griffin took about six months and Darwin took eight.
I had funky pregnancies with both, and because of a placenta problem with Darwin my OB told me that I really shouldn't have anymore and if I did, I would be on bed rest the entire pregnancy.
I was on bed rest with Griffin for the last six weeks; with Darwin I went into premature labor at 24 weeks, was hospitalized for a few days, medicated and on bed rest the rest of the pregnancy.
My cousin, who has an insulin problem similar to PCOS, was also told she couldn't have kids. The main thing is to have the insulin under control before the pregnancy and continue to control it through the pregnancy. And from my understanding, if you have PCOS all your pregnancies will be considered High Risk.
Capello, you're beautiful. Through your words and personality alone, we already knew that!
I loved reading what you said, the plain truth of it all, and the open way that you write. I am struggling with weight on the other end of the spectrum (medical mystery; there you go), and find myself envious of women with round hips and strong arms... It's all about learning to be comfortable and healthy in the body we happen to be given.
Yeah, well... You are wonderful, and amazing, and all that jazz.
Oh girl... you look GOOD! And thanks for that post! I had gastric bypass a few years ago and literally almost died so that I could end up losing 50 lousy pounds. Hang in there, you're doing great!
Post a Comment