I'll Stand Barefooted in My Own Front Yard with a Baby on My Hip

Thanks for all the comments yesterday -- just so you know, my driveway has more square footage than my house. No kidding. And yes, having a circle drive is as fun as one would think: you get to be a total lazy-ass and not look over your shoulder and you rarely have to reverse. Total bonus.

Now I'm wondering how you all are gonna react when you see our back patio...

Anyway -- after I post this I'll be working on the pillow tutorial. But don't expect it to be completed until later this afternoon or tonight.

I'm participating in an interesting little meme -- handwriting. Write a pangram, take a photo and place it on your blog and flickr. Here's mine...


And for the record? I'm "tagging" everyone. I'm watching you!

Ah... Watch Out, You Might Get What You're After

Yes, I'm still sick. But finally getting better. This was the first day I've woken up without a fever.

Friday Aaron got home from his trip, but he had to go into work for a few hours (WTF?); once he officially got home at 4 p.m, I kissed his cheek and went to bed. I didn't return until Saturday morning. So that helped a little.

Saturday was pretty much spend whining all day about how I felt miserable. My parents and I decided to put off our Easter dinner until next weekend since the boys and I were still sick (and it worked out fine for them -- they went to Kathy's sister's home [we were initially invited, but couldn't go due to the gluten factor] for a big family dinner), which turned out to be a good idea, because I was still running a fever yesterday.

But we did manage to get some fun stuff in for the kids. And they loved their baskets.


And I loved mine too. Bethany sent me a basket "just because." So sweet. I don't think I've ever been so excited to tear into an Easter basket. Everything was handmade and incredibly thoughtful.

Later in the day, we played in the front with the boys... and look what Griffin wanted me to do...


He can magically sing his ABC's now (and no, I don't know where he got that from), but he doesn't necessarily recognize all the letters with their symbols. So we worked on that. Luckily for us, we have a rockin' driveway for such educational purposes.

And then, we colored the eggs (yes, we are slackers. I know. Didn't color eggs until the day off. We're very sorry)...


I should have stood on a chair to get a better shot.


We took those instructions to wear aprons Very Seriously. So seriously, in fact, Griffin stripped and Aaron put on an old, old college shirt.


Pretty....


... and more pretties.

I even managed to do a little sewing [insert big flashing lights and hoopla here] yesterday. Expect a tutorial soon.

It's so nice not to be running a fever. So. Very. Nice.

Now, if the congestion would just go away...

It's Much Better to Face These Kinds of Things with a Sense of Poise and Rationality

Back in the autumn of '03, I decided I was going to finally plant some spring bulbs in the island in our backyard. I had originally wanted to get rid of the island -- it was mostly weeds anyway -- and replace it with grass. But Aaron disagreed so I decided to make it beautiful.

I poured over my gardening magazines, trying to figure out exactly what I wanted to do with it on a very limited budget. I decided to plant tulips in soft yellow, soft pink and a few bright red for a pop of color and to add liveliness.

I went to a local chain hardware store, where I could buy 250 bulbs for about twenty bucks. I got 100 each of the yellow and pink, and a bag of 50 of the red. I planted such a large quantity, because you have to plan on at least half of those being ruined by our furry friends that inhabit our yard; and yes, that's even with the help of the fox piss.

All winter I waited, and waited, and waited. I was so excited to see how all my hard work would pay off -- a full day of planting bulbs, fertilizing and multiple applications of powdered urine.

In April, this is what I received...


It's okay. You can laugh. I think it's hilarious.

Somehow, my beautiful bed ended up being something totally unexpected. This is the story of my life (and here's where I can compare my children and their medical mysteries with the tulips, but I won't -- but I will say that I love my boys with all my heart even though they are like the tulips, constantly surprising me with the unexpected).

And I think it's okay. I laugh every time I see my tulips. And when I look at other people's beautiful beds I think it's kind of sad how their garden has no humor.

So, my bipolar tulips have inspired me to make a quilt. And I'm going to make it out of (what most people consider to be) obnoxious colors.

I've chosen bright, eye-scaring bright, pinks, yellows and oranges. So far, this is what I have...


All the clothing materials have been thrifted. And I initially was only going to repurpose clothing. But the quilting stores have gotten the better of me, so I have a few fat quarters to go with it. I'm going to make it a crazy quilt (and the ladies at one local quilt shop are so! excited! to! help! me!).

I don't know when I'm going to get time to start the quilt, but I'm hoping fairly soon (you know, after I make some pillowcases and a few more bags). And I think I'll be lucky if I get it done within a year.

One thing is for certain... I'm sure they'll be a lot more surprises in store for me.

I Want a New Drug, One That Does What it Should

I finally broke down and went to the doctor today internet. Happy now?

Griffin has a sinus infection and strep throat. Darwin has a HUGE sinus infection. I have a sinus infection and walking pneumonia.

The doctor wrote out 94 prescriptions for me to get filled. And really, I hate getting antibiotics. I think they are evil. Of course, being allergic to them doesn't help at all.

I am allergic to over a dozen antibiotics -- no kidding. And not, oh, they make me puke. Oh no -- that's not allergic. I'm allergic. As in, get me another epipen, stock up on benadryl and program 911 into the telephone. I get hives! And I can't breathe! And it's SO! MUCH! FUN!

The doctor gave me a prescription that he claims I can take -- we'll see. My face is already getting hot. And, it has the sunlight warning on the label. The last time I took a pill with a sunlight warning, I had a rash for six months and I burned when I was outside for more than 2.3 seconds. And internet? I do not burn, thanks to the native Hawaiian in me. Fucking antibiotics.

And to make my situation all the more better, I find mouse droppings (ewww! -- I miss having cats!) in the house this morning. AND? AND? AND? This started up last night...


Great. A leaky toilet. Thanks, Universe. That's just what I need right now. Thanks so much. I really appreciate it.

Clean-up, Clean-up, Everybody, Everywhere; Clean-up, Clean-up, Everybody Do Your Share

Yes, I'm still sick.

At least when I do something, I excel. I have a 103.1 fever. I totally rock.

So, I bring to you: Shit I should have shared, but haven't had the chance to share yet.

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Can anyone say HAM?


How about CHEESE?

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Some countries would consider this punishment. In our home, it's considered a privilege:


Griffin strapped himself into Darwin's table chair and refused to take it off.

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Beki is so nice. She sent me fabric, just cuz.


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I ordered this from Rachel's shop...


I heart me some garden gnomes.

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This was printed in Whole Foods' free magazine...


I was so proud.

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Pretty flowers in a pretty vase.


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Tasha sent me this, just cuz.


Obviously, I have some awesome internet friends.

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Despite being sick, Griffin and I played outside a little yesterday...



Why do kids like to draw through my artwork?

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Did anyone read mommycoddle yesterday? She asked what people used to wash dishes. Along with a scotch brite heavy duty sponge, we use this...


Aaron's grandma makes them. I have no clue how she does it, but I can find out. Hell, maybe I can learn when we go to Michigan over the 4th of July.

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Have I mentioned that Aaron is out of town ALL WEEK?

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Okay, I'm gonna go take some more drugs now (sick drugs, not mind-altering drugs. I think the fever has that situation under control). Lucky me.

I Smoke Two Joints Before I Smoke Two Joints, and Then I Smoke Two More

My aunt (my mom's sister) has now been fighting breast cancer for over six months. She's being quite the trooper, handling the situation so well.

But she's in a lot of pain and doesn't want to take her prescribed medicine (not to say I blame her, some of those meds are scary), nor does she want to take any depression meds either.

So I brought up the idea of getting some medical marijuana a few weeks ago.

To put it mildly, my aunt FREAKED OUT. Now, I know that she's very religious, and I get that. But I don't recall the Bible saying anything about Thou Shall Not Dance with the Mary Jane. Marijuana is one of the few natural pain relievers. Plus, it would give her the munchies, which in turn will make her eat, which will give her body fuel to keep fighting the cancer.

Yesterday I found out that my uncle (my mom's brother -- she has eight siblings) has prostate cancer. He's VERY CATHOLIC (and keeps fighting with me on belief systems). What's the odds I can convince him to partake of a little of the ganja?

And for the record, I'm not a pot-head. In fact, I've only had one hit. And I giggled for three hours after that. Just like there is a time and a place for alcohol, there should be appropriate times to partake of other natural resources that will help your body.

And it's not like I would really be of any help to them. I don't even know how to roll a doobie.

(Can you tell I'm still sick?)

Lump Lingered Last in Line for Brains, and the Ones She Got Were Sort of Rotten and Insane

Move along. Nothing to see here.

No, really.

Unless you want me to talk about how my brain has been replaced by mucusy green sludge or how my nose can now be considered 360-grit sandpaper or how my body temperature is high enough to flash into hell fire at any moment, I suggest you move along.

Ooh, You Make My Motor Run, My Motor Run, Gun it Coming Off the Line Sharona

Talk about Extreme Home Makeover. The 30-year old washer and dryer...


... were cream yellow ugly.

The new ones...


... are white. Who knew?


A bleach dispenser and a fabric softener dispenser inside the washer. I can't decide if I'm spoiled or just partially brought into the 21st century.

And they dryer...


... has a light inside. How fucking cool is that?

The best part is that I don't have to do 27 rinses. No, make that I can run the dryer on "regular" without blowing a fuse.

Besides doing over 10 loads of laundry so far, I've been working on these Easter cards for our family...


Oh, now, don't be too impressed. I got the templates for these little babies here.

The little bastards took nearly all damn day to cut out. But they sure are cute.

(And if this post seems a little odd, blame it on me being sick. And potentially overdosing on Airborne. And FREAKING OUT because Aaron is getting sent out on another business trip on Monday.)

She Left the Suds in the Bucket and the Clothes Hangin' Out on the Line

This...

Fifteenth rinse of towels

...has officially been replaced.

Today has been a crazy day. First, the boys are still sick. We took temperatures and heavily medicated them and took Griffin to school (he was acting fine).

Later this afternoon he was screaming bloody murder over one thing or another and I noticed this HUGE white thing in his throat. So I made Aaron look. He didn't see it, so I made him look again. We called the doctor and I took him in.

Of course, five minutes after I left the delivery guys showed up with means No. Photos. Of. Washer. And. Dryer. Event. Argh!

Anyway, the did a strep test on Griffin and it came back negative.

Turns out the big white thing in his throat was -- and if you're squeamish stop reading, as I am gagging as I write this -- small food particles stuck in his tonsils, which was then encased in mucus, which then caught more food particles, which was encased in more mucus, which caught more food particles, which was encased with more mucus and so on and so forth. (Ewwwww!!!)

So the doctor sprayed some numbing stuff in his throat (this is so disgusting, why haven't you stopped reading yet?) and poked at it. And when some fell? He told Griffin to swallow it. (Ewwwwww)!!! He did that three times and still didn't get it all out. He said what he did "knock out" was as big as the end part of his pinky finger. (Ewwwwww!!!)

Once we came home I felt much better.

After basking in the glow of the new washer and dryer, I licked them.

And then I dry humped them.

Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

So, Aaron finally got home yesterday afternoon. The first thing I said to him was, "You're taking me out to dinner."

We went to Outback Steakhouse, where they have a gluten-free menu.

Dinner was a fiasco and took over two hours. Every 15 minutes, Aaron kept reminding me, "I really hate this. You realize I hate this, don't you?" After an hour and a half of his reminders -- and an hour and a half of the children screaming -- I stopped laughing.

They do not know how to make gluten-free rice. And they were completely incompetent at making Darwin a dairy-free steak.

They did comp our dinner but I didn't get a brownie. Damn it.

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Our washer and dryer are scheduled to be delivered tomorrow between 3 and 7 p.m. Yeah, we'll see if Aaron's still in town for it.

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Apparently, Darwin is under the impression that my name is not "Mommy." He keeps calling me Money.

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Both boys are running fevers after having motrin an hour ago. Nice.