I've Never Been too Good With Names; the Cellar Door Was Open, I Could Never Stay Away

Yesterday after Griffin got out of preschool, Darwin wanted to play at the preschool park. This drives Griffin crazy (which, awesome, as I love driving my kids crazy). While Darwin was climbing, sliding and screaming TA-DA, Griffin took it upon himself to settle into a nice patch of dirt.

Random Kid: "Griffin, whatcha doin'?"

Griffin: "I'm making smoke. It's an experiment."

Random Kid: "Cool! I want to help make smoke too!"

Griffin: "Sorry. You can't. It's an experiment. I need a controlled environment."

Random Kid: "I can't help? Why not?"

Griffin: "When you do experiments, your environment needs to be Very Controlled. You can only have one factor being different. Everything else has to stay the same. Since I can't control you, you can't help me with my experiment."

Me: ::blink, blink::

Random Kid: "Oh. Okay."

Griffin: "But we can play Star Wars tomorrow. I get to be Darth Maul."

Random Kid: "Okay! See you tomorrow!"

Obviously, Griffin's watching a wee bit too much of the NASA station to be knowing all this stuff about controlled environments and experiments.

And? Crap. He's going to out-nerd me in no time at the rate he's going.

And it's Friday. Which means time for another Whip it Up...


Something for Aaron. More on that Monday.

I also have another WIP... it's nearly the end of the month. Which, by now, everyone should know what that means.

Bounce Wit it, Drop Wit it, Lean Wit it, Rock Wit it, Snap Wit it, All My Ladies Pop Yo Backs Wit it

In yesterday's comments Janey left a link to an article claiming that a new shot will totally eradicate allergies; she wanted to know my thoughts on it. (Good topic! Good topic!)

The philosophy behind the shot is true... that if you put something into your body to have your immune system fight against, your body will not react to allergies as much because it has something "more important" to fight against. Part of the reason why allergies are on the rise, aside from pollution and global warming, is because we now live in such a clean environment. Two hundred years ago, the human body had more diseases to worry about and less cleaning practices as well. Allergies were pretty nonexistant. Or if someone to Darwin's extent of allergic reaction was born, they died in infancy due to lack of knowledge and inability to protect them from allergens.

However, the article does claim that the shot "contains harmless DNA similar to that found in the TB bug." Personally, I don't think the words "harmless" and "DNA" should be sitting next to each other. That kind of scares me. And what could be considered "harmless" for one person could prove be fatal for another. Considering how DNA can attach itself to your cells, I couldn't image intentionally injecting myself with unknown DNA.

Additionally, I've never heard of a shot that does not contain mercury (shown to increase the chance of autism) and/or egg whites (a very common food allergy, that Darwin is allergic to on the level six, over 100 parts per 100) as the carrier substances for shots.

Would I give my kids the shot? As it is now, no. I'd need a lot more research and I would have to take the shot first. Aside from the wheat/gluten allergy (celiac disease is actually an autoimmune disease), I'm allergic to a few other foods as well -- ginger, bananas and rosehips. I'd take that shot and put myself on the line before I'd ever consider giving it to my kids.

So, the short answer is -- they are on the right track with the philosophy of the shot, but I don't think it's a safe bet. And making broad sweeping statements that it's going to end all allergies and eczema sounds a little too much like a tonic from a few hundred years ago.

Yesterday Aaron went out on a surprise business trip (surprise!). Which, as we all know, means So Much Fun for Laura. Gah. I did take the opportunity to sew a little bit (just a little bit), working on my super-duper secret project (which is taking forever; I'm so very sorry).

And this morning we were provided with free entertainment...


...apparently, that dump truck hit an electrical pole. Seriously.


I love it when people stand in my driveway looking up with binoculars. So very awesome.

We didn't lose power nor did any of my neighbors. But it was very interesting how super-secretive the police were being. They wouldn't tell anyone anything.

So, now I'm scared my house is going to blow up or something. Because that's the kinda shit that happens when Aaron's out of town.

If They Move Too Quick (Oh-Way-Oh) They're Falling Down Like a Domino

In life, you have to make sacrifices...


...like letting your children play with plastic spoons so they leave you alone so you can clean out your pantried food. (Yes, the are dishwasherable [yes, that's a word -- I say so] so it's not like they are a total sacrifice.)

In other words, I didn't get any crafting done yesterday, but now all my cabinets containing food are clean. Clean-clean. Super clean. Ubber clean.


Spices, organized! Sweeteners, organized!

(I purchase all my spices at Penzey's. Due to the FDA's inability to regulate gluten in spices as an anti-caking agent [spice manufacturers do not have to list it as an ingredient] it is very difficult to find gluten-free spices. Penzey's lists all of their ingredients on their spices, including any food starch if they use it [which, in most cases, they do not]. Penzey's is the only spice manufacturer that I have found that lists everything. And? Their spices are totally awesome to boot.)


Cocoa, tea organized!


Lazy Susan, organized!

Pseudo-pantry in the hallway, organized! (Even if it doesn't look like it, which explains the no picture philosophy.)

From all this cleaning out, I filled two paper grocery bags of food for Aaron to take to work to let his coworkers have what they like. Clean cabinets and a lighter load? Awesome.

Of course, the no-crafting-done-yesterday totally resulted in me drinking ouzo. Mmmmmm.... ouzo.

(Obviously, I have reached a certain level of patheticness, for I just blogged about cleaning out my cabinets, and I wasn't even drunk while I did it. Geesh.)

...and in the End We Shall Achieve in Time the Thing They Call Divine, When All the Stars Will Smile for Me, Then All is Well and Well Was All for All

Surely I'm not the only person sick and tired of all my medi-speak. Seriously.

(Seriously. Now that Grey's Anatomy is back on tv, I'm going to be saying seriously all the fucking time. Seriously. Seriously -- it's the new like. Seriously.)

Remember when I use to make stuff? Like sew? Or scrapbook? Or embroider? I miss those days. Don't you? I sure do. Yep. I miss them.

Instead, I spend every waking moment staring at the computer learning about antigen therapy and a whole slew of medical shit that makes my eyes glaze over just thinking about all of it. Or I feel bad and depressed because I realized that today is the one year anniversary of Darwin's eye accident.

So today, I choose to be happy. Or, at least, to put a really fake smile on my face and make believe.

I started with a shower. Yes! Good idea! Wash away all the negativity. Then I took a walk around the garden (note to self: use bottled up aggression to pull weeds. Lots and lots of weeds). Now I'm going to pick up the house (a cluttered house leads to a cluttered mind. AND IS MY MIND EVER CLUTTERED). And hopefully later, lots of creativity.

Creativity or ouzo. One or the other.

You May Be Right, I May Be Crazy; But it Just May Be a Lunatic You're Looking For

I am so very happy that last week is over. Aaron took the boys to the doctor Friday afternoon (while I took a nap to try to get over the miserable head cold) and found out Darwin has ringworms. Nice. Then, my dad called Friday evening to tell me of his medical test results, and supposedly he's suffered "two minor strokes in the past week" and has an enlarged heart. Nice. Then, while sifting through Griffin's backpack Saturday, I found a notice that he's been exposed to pinworms, which unlike ringworms are ACTUALLY WORMS (if you are squeamish, do not click on the video at the bottom of the pinworm link). Nice. And I spent the entire day Saturday moaning about wanting to shove an ice pick into my sinuses into to help the draining. Nice.

Like I said... I am so very happy that last week is over.

Yesterday was much better, as I finally got my mojo back. My cooking mojo, my list making mojo and my breathing mojo (yes, there is such a thing).

Yesterday I actually cooked an inspired dinner and made some gluten-free vanilla-lemon cupcakes with dark chocolate buttercream with Griffin (blogger wouldn't let my post a photo).

This morning the boys and I went to my alternative doctor to discuss Darwin's allergies. I love my doctor. He's brutally honest and awesome. He didn't know the name of the clinics, but he did know the names of the doctors and the type of medicine they practice. So I'll be spending the afternoon googling all this information to try to find the special clinics in Dallas and Chicago to try to take the baby to (he thinks Darwin's missing something in his body or has a genetic defect to have this many allergies).

Okay, I need to go start dinner now (yes, start dinner at two in the afternoon... red beans and rice... yum) and get to googling.

Everybody Look at Me, Me

subtitled: Two Sick Nerds on a Saturday Afternoon

"Hey. We should make our own rice flour."

"That's a retarded idea, Aaron."

"Why?"

"Because it's not economical. The cost to yield a proper amount of flour would be very expensive to start with the whole grain. And we don't have a proper way to mill it uniformly anyway. Besides, I purchase organic brown rice flour anyway."

"Oh. Let's try to puff our own rice then."

"Huh?"

"Let's puff our own rice."

"I don't know how to do that."

"Oh. Me neither."

"I'll look it up!" ::searching on Wikipedia:: "Apparently, you puff grains by putting them under high pressure with seam. When the seal breaks, the grains are puffed. Huh. Oh! Listen to this -- cereals like Rice Krispies and Sugar Pops aren't really puffed grains. They are made out of a batter that is shaped to look like the grain and then baked. No wonder they all have gluten."

"Fucking gluten. It's everywhere."

When a Problem Comes Along, You Must Whip it

I took the boys out the chiropractor's office this morning for Darwin to get his first adjustment...


He was subluxated two inches. That's bad for an adult, and really out of whack for such a small child.


When you're a wee one, this is how you get adjusted. It was very gentle and Darwin loved it. This is now going to be a weekly routine for him (I already go weekly for myself).

For my Work In Progress...


Kicking the shit out of this head cold. Seriously.

Head Cold: "I am a Head Cold! I shall Rule Your World! Mwahahahahahaha!"

Laura: "Look here, motherfucker. You will be vacating my body now."

Head Cold: "No, I won't. I will hang out for at least a week! Yes! At least a week! And I shall dine on your deliciousness and render you pathetic, tired and uncreative! Yes! And then I shall infect your children! And I will become the Supreme Dictator of the Universe! Yes! Awesome."

Laura: "No, you won't. You've chosen the wrong person to deal with."

Head Cold: "But you're just a stay at home mom!"

Laura: "What did you call me cocksucker? 'Just a stay at home mom'? You don't know who the fuck you're really dealing with!"

Head Cold: "Oh, yes I do. And you're allergic to gluten which means no medicines. Mwahahahahaha, I may just make myself at home for a month!"

Laura: "Have you met Emer'gen-C? Prepare to Get Your Ass Kicked Head Cold!"

Head Cold: "Oh no! You'll have me dead in a few days!"

Laura: "That's the plan! Mwhahahahahahahaha!"

Wha? What was that? Me, conversing with a head cold? Um... um... no. Don't know what you're talking about. Not really.

This Living Shouldn't be Called Living, 'Cause it's Really Only Half a Life

Going to Michigan gave us a massive wake up call big swift kick in the ass, making us realize that we've been living in an illusion that Darwin is getting better.

The simple fact is, he's not. He's just getting worse.

Darwin has had health problems since he was in utero. To keep from miscarrying him, I had to take a concoction of hormones; I spent every morning of the entire pregnancy leaning over the kitchen sink and coughing up blood. At 31 weeks, I went into premature labor and was admitted in the hospital. I was released with some scary drugs in my pocket and strict bedrest orders.

When I was induced to deliver him at 39 weeks, his blood pressure stopped. When he was born his apgar score was a miraculous 9.5 despite finding out that his umbilical cord was not properly attached to the placenta (I only found out a few months ago that having a live birth vaginally with that defect is considered a "miracle"). Within two hours of coming into this world, he was admitted into the NICU and we were told he may not make it through the night.

Darwin spent nine days in the NICU and the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with him, nor how it seemed to "fix itself" with time and oxygen.

By the time Darwin was six weeks old, we were fighting with doctors to get him tested for allergies -- he was broken out in a rash from head to toe and very sickly.

At five months, Darwin was admitted into the local children's hospital for the croup. Again, we (or, rather I, as Aaron was out of town) were told he may not make it. Being admitted into the hospital was enough to finally get our foot in the door with allergists and dermatologists.

At six months, Darwin had a basic allergy panel ran. He came up allergic to everything -- cats, dogs, dairy, soy, wheat, corn, peanuts -- 13 things in all. He was started on Zyrtec.

We found our cats new homes. We had the carpets, furniture, blinds and ducts cleaned twice. We got Darwin started on Neocate formula.

We took him to a dermatologist and got him started on Elidel. Within two weeks he developed an allergy. To get him over that he had to take steroids. Then he was started on Protopic.

At 14 months, we sat down with our allergist and outlined all the foods we wanted him tested for -- over 250. He came back allergic to Every Single One.

Food allergies are on a scale from one to six. Six being over 100 parts per 100 and considered vary rare. Darwin is allergic to seven foods on the level six. In order to feed him anything, we have to feed him food that he is allergic to on the level three or lower.

Then, at 15 months old, Darwin had his horrible eye accident and spent five days in the children's hospital again. He was administered enormous amounts of steroids in order to try to save his optical nerve (which is now dead) and third cyatic nerve (which died, but regenerated -- which is why Darwin now how functional movement over his eyelid and eye globe).

A doctor in the hospital asked to run some tests and we whole-heartedly agreed. He found that Darwin had a dangerously low Zinc level and now takes a Zinc suspension every morning.

Over the course of the past year, we have had second and third opinions from allergists and dermatologists. We've tried many creams, ointments and suspensions. If Darwin isn't immediately allergic to them, he develops an allergy in a matter of days.

This is considered "healthy and lookin' good" for Darwin...


... in all reality, that looks neither healthy nor good.

It's time to try something new. We've done everything we can think of. It's time to take a new path.

Alternative medicine has been a blessing for me. I have an alternative doctor that I see regularly in addition to my slew of mainstream doctors. We've taken Darwin to see him once and get some input, but due to Darwin's young age he hasn't ran any tests.

I have an appointment for Darwin to see my doctor on Monday. In a previous visit, he has mentioned a clinic in Chicago we should take him to. I'm going to get information on it. I'm also going to insist that he do any blood work he may deem necessary.

I'm also taking Darwin to see my chiropractor tomorrow to see if his spine is in proper alignment.

There has to be something, something, more we can do that hasn't been done. And I'm going to exhausted every goddamn motherfucking one I can.

Because this is ridiculous.

When We're Together it's Like Hot Coals in a Fire (Hot Baby)

I'm having hard time wrapping my brain around everything that needs to be done. Of course, still not getting a full night of sleep might having something to do with it.

Apparently, both Darwin and I have head colds now. Nice.

I fully intended to allow the children to watch tv this morning (bad Mommy!), but they turned it off before 10 am and wanted to make art.


Crap. I'm turning into one of those good mothers.

I need to go make some lists now. Let the OCD work for good instead of evil.

I Need Caffeine in My Blood Stream, I Take Caffeine in the Blood Stream

::blink, blink::

I'm awake.

::blink::

I swear.

::blink, blink::

No, really. I'm awake.

::blink::

Honest.

Since I have to wash every article of clothing we took to Michigan (damn dogs), I'm dressed like a marshmallow in a sweatshirt that I use for gardening, that I've had since high school. Since everyone's so damn amused by me and my complete ability to humiliate myself, I took a photo. But blogger won't post it. Fucking blogger. So I loaded it to flickr. I have about 250 more photos to sift through and load more to flickr. But I don't think that's happening today. And you don't even want to know how many posts I have to read through bloglines. Yikes.

::blink::

Stop looking at me like that.

::blink, blink::

I'm completely awake.