Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Pay Attention to Me, I Don't Talk for My Health

Pppppfffftttt. Oh, please. I totally talk for my own entertainment.

Especially now. May I present.... Laura, doped up on drugs! Yay, drugs! Druggie, druggie drugs! Fantabulous druggie, drugs. Drrrrrrruuuuuuugggggsss!

Apparently, the medical world does not like toes turning purple. Toes turning purpley-grey equals bad, bad, bad.

So bad, everyone wanted me to go to the ER Sunday night. One hundred dollar co-pay? No, thank you. I'll keep my toes elevated to prevent purpleness and go to my regular doctor Monday morning.

But, before I go, I must have a decorated cast! Yes! Decorated cast! That is the Most Important Thing to have for Going Out in Public.

So I commissioned two wonderful artists to help out in my goal...

Both artists firmly believe in drawing lines through others' artwork. Then, off to the doctor!

Who made sure I kept my foot elevated. It was concluded that some swelling went down, but my ankle decided to swell. The swelling of the ankle was aggravated by the cast and caused nerves to get pinched, thus the purpley toes. So it Must Come Off!

Off With Her Cast! Argh!

Yes, I was nicked with the saw.

Yes, I was nicked on more than one occasion.

Yes, it Hurt Like Hell.

And then wedging the cast off was The Worst Part, Oh My Gawd. Because to wedge it, it put pressure on my foot where the broken bone is and OW, OW, OW!

And my foot is now a lovely shade of green. And for the record, Aaron did not marry me based on the looks of my feet. In fact, he thinks my feet are ugly, and yes, I believe this is all information the internets need to know.

The doctor took some x-rays, and yes! My Break is Worse!

So the doctor wanted to put another cast on, which to me seemed like The Worst Idea Mankind Had Ever Come Up With, You Can Take Your Twenty Pound Fiberglas And Shove It, You're NOT Putting Anymore Of That Shit On Me. Fortunately for me, I'm a fast talker and finally convinced the doctor to give me a stiff boot (it's adjustable!), because if he gives me another cast I'm just gonna be back in his office bitching and complaining and needing something else done.

My doctor is a Very Smart Man. Deciding with me that having a Bitching and Complaining Laura in his office every few days is not a good idea.

So I got back on August 7th for more x-rays and hopefully the okay to start bearing weight on my foot. Until then, I have to have constant help because I Am Not Allowed To Do Anything Except Going To The Bathroom And I Should Consider Myself Lucky That The Doctor Is Not Forcing Me To Have A Bathroom Buddy Because This Is A Serious Break And Oh My Gawd The World May Come To An End If I Do Anything Other Than Lay On My Ass And Keep My Foot Elevated For The Next Five Weeks.

And apparently, no one decided to tell me that a side effect of Laying On My Ass All The Time is constipation.

Thanks a lot, internet.


LLA said...

You know that I adore you, right? But that is one Elephant-Man looking foot, BabyGirl!


So sorry to hear about the enforced bedrest. Been there, done that. But never with kids to look after....

Keep taking care of yourself...

heart you!

Anonymous said...

OUCH!! That looks so painful! Maybe now would be a good time to pick up knitting or embroidery or something like that. Maybe drinking some prune juice and eating some All Bran would be good for you, too?

Anonymous said...

Hey get that saw away from the girl's leg! AH! Well, this story isn't getting any better is it? Who's taking care of the munchkins for a month? and what are you gonna do with yourself? This is definately not cool. YOu do have A.C. though, right? and cable. oy! And poor green foot/ankle!

Kim -today's creative blog said...

don't forget about the bedsores you may get too. :)
Seriously, that looks horrible!
You poor thing!
Squeeze your bum, exercise your arms.
I too have been nicked with those saws. They tell you "oh it doesn't cut skin" The hell it doesn't! I still have a scar and that was 30 yrs ago.
Can you read on drugs? Movies?

Anonymous said...

All I can say is "OUCH!!!" It looks so painful!!!

Sit down and keep your foot up! Please!!!

laeroport said...

Oh my god! I feel for you! And with two little ones literally under foot. May the universe grant you patience and a positive outlook. And on the bright side, think of how much gas money you'll save this summer! You can buy yourself a REALLY big and wonderful present when this is all over!

Take care and keep us posted!

Ali said...

Blogger wouldn't let me comment - was it something I said?

Couldn't stop laughing at Darwin's expression as he prepared to add his decoration to your leg. Can you imagine if they had handed him the saw!

Anonymous said...

Owwwww! That looks horrendously painful. Let me know when you can stand to have visitors. I can help out, but I have to bring my offspring. ;(

Jess (fushmush) said...

ow! That looks very painful. Are you sick of people telling you it looks painful yet? Hope it gets better very, very quickly.

Anonymous said...

TAKE MAGNESIUM!!! KAL Dolomite is a perfect source, not too expensive. It helps with inflammation and with constipation. And you excrete what you don't need, just like Vitamin C. Most of us are magnesium deficient anyway, so it's a good idea either way. Take Vitamin C too, in the form of sodium ascorbate - it is the only kind that is any good. Take some with every meal.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear Lord, your foot. Oh. My.
Really, really take care of yourself.

Berber said...

Oh My Gawd, that foot looks AWFUL!!
Poor, poor you!
You'd better really enjoy your drugs!

Anonymous said...

OK, I'm home. I just left a message on your machine. I am imagining you laying there hollering at the boys to bring you the phone, which may or may not be taking a swim in the toilet or hiding in the toybox...

I'll go to Whole Foods, just make me a list. I'll run errands. I'll come over and watch the boys in the yard. You let me know.

Anonymous said...

oh wow, you've been very brave... and I'm thinking of you!

About the constipation issue... I find that more than prunes (blah!) is double cream that does the trick. Double cream on strawberries (yummy!)and I'm off withing 20 minutes.

Worth a try...