See, I'm Wise Enough to Know When a Gift Needs Givin'

I've often said before, I'm amazed how people find me.

For instance, here's a list of searches from the past few months...

foot fucking

"my brain aneurysm"

ruby boobie

leg amputee pretenders in jeans

album art storm trooper doggy style

burnt orange minky blankets

learn to lean wit it rock with it

sensory behavior oral fixation

"closed captioning"

free pattern baby blanket using minky

free bathroom sample floor plans for college photos

ringworms in the head

what are the national symbols of egypt

"gluten free root beer"

horney's big boobs

www.things you never seen before

appropriate behavior is called what?

"frozen pureed winter squash"

Marthafuckingstewart

"plain batshit crazy"

what to say in a post cards to your girl friend

reasons why we suffer

clot behind eyeball

Holy hell ya'll. Those are some fucking insane searches. And they don't include any of the music searches that find me. Because seriously? Those would go on for pages.

I think my favorite is album art storm trooper doggy style. Because, hey, I'd like to see some Storm Troopers going at it doggy style. On an album. Wouldn't you?

What is, perhaps, more surprising than weird searches is that people are starting to contact me. And not people like reader-people or other-blog-writing-people or people-with-gluten-sensitivity or crafting-people but other people.

Like the PR person from a company that makes scrapbooking software. They contacted me to try their software and then "mention" it on my site. Or this morning, a person from a company that makes gluten-free prepackaged mixes (including ones for easy bake ovens), letting me know such a product was out there.

And really, I don't quite know what to say to these. I'm really surprised that anyone reads my verbal sewage that I oh-so-smartly post on the internet and feel compelled to respond to me.

And thank you for doing so.

Pretty soon I'll be able to check off world domination off my list of things to do.

Oh, and internet? If you are interested? I've got a gluten-free cookbook for people with multiple food sensitivities in the works. We may need to work on that title though.

At First When I See You Cry it Makes Me Smile, Yeah it Makes Me Smile

We have been below the freezing point for a few weeks, but yesterday we got a heat wave.

It was 57 degrees.

I ran outside, took my shirt off and ran screaming around the backyard.

It's really difficult to take pictures of yourself running and shirtless. So sorry. I don't have any to share.

But the boys had a blast.


And I managed to do some gardening. And take tons of pictures. Lots more on flickr, including the dilapidated greenhouse and the spring greens coming up.

And I think the high today is only suppose to be 22. Damn Mother Nature. I'm tired of the below freezing temperatures.

Boys With Small Talk and Small Minds Really Don't Impress Me

While watching The Dresden Files....

"Was that character's name Laura?"

"The one Dresden is trying to impress?"

"Yeah."

"Yep."

"Why is it nearly every show on the SciFi channel has characters named Laura but no one else does?"

::silence::

"Do all nerds covet girls named Laura?"

"Yeah baby, I'm living the dream."

Oh My, My, Oh Hell Yes - Honey Put On That Party Dress

Yesterday I got to attend our postponed soiree... Alicia hosted the Kansas City area bloggers (or at least, all we know of) for an afternoon of lots of food, laughing and fabric swapping.

Alicia, Estea, Lori, Michelle, and Amy (not pictured: Jenny and me) (Hannah didn't make it, and she was missed)

Of course, when I say "food" I mean "Hey, tell me what's in that." "That looks good." "How does it taste?" "How does it feel in your mouth?" "GOOD GOD, I MISS WHEAT." ::sob::

Okay, I don't actually miss wheat. But I do miss being able to eat everything. Damn it.

So what happens when you get seven crafty bloggers together (besides eating tons of food) for an afternoon? Well, you don't get pictures. That's what you don't get.

We were too busy laughing and swapping fabric (Jenny brought her entire stash, and we all left with huge bags of stuff) to take pictures. Oops.

And we are most certainly doing this again. Absolutely. And without the kids again, if you don't mind.

Cause I've Been Acting Like Sour Milk Fell on the Floor

Finally.

Dude, I know.

I finally managed to get out to my chiropractor this morning, got adjusted from being subluxated and the migraine is finally gone.

Ah, subluxation. One of the veins of my existence. And why many doctors have previously thought I've had a brain aneurysm. Being me is so much fun.

Anyway, migraine: gone!

Obviously, someone else thinks he's a princess too.

Now for the weekend...

I have to finish my kids swap items (it's killing me not to share what I've done, I'm so damn proud), go to a little soiree Sunday (and make something yummy for it), start planning the garden projects, run a bunch of errands and prepare for taxes.

Oh, taxes. With all our medical stuff taxes are a complete pain in the ass.

Circle, Circle, Dot, Dot

I'm on my fourth day of a migraine.

In addition to the can't-handle-bright-lights and you-all-had-better-whisper and mommy-is-acting-like-a-crazed-screaming-bitch side effects that a migraine brings, I'm also suffering from chills, body sweats, a temperature and fatigued muscles.

Oh, and lack of wittiness.

Cramping Styles is the Plan

Last night after dinner, Darwin decided it would be a really good idea to strip down and suddenly proclaim, "Pee-pee? In da potty? Pee-pee? In da potty?"

So I walked him to the bathroom and he did as he always did: freak out at the site of the potty.

"Nnnnnnnnooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!"

It's a healthy relationship.

I sat back down at the table and looked at Aaron. "Should I get out the little potty now?"

"Yeah. Probably. But it's dirty."

"I don't want to."

"Don't want to what?"

"Potty train Darwin. He's not ready."

"He's dancing in the living room, singing his love for the potty."

"But he's still a running pooper."

"Woman, he wants to pee in the potty. We should encourage that."

"But he doesn't even realize When He Poops Yet."

"But he wants to use the potty."

So I went upstairs and got the potty.

Darwin's face lit up like the Easter Bunny and Santa magically arrived on Halloween.

Darwin played with the potty. He'd sit, hold down is penis, stand up and proclaim, "Pee-pee?" Then he'd stand up, check to see if the potty was wet and begin the whole process over again.

He had to have an audience. If I didn't sit with him in the bathroom he'd follow me out, potty in tow, and sit it down and begin the pee-pee checking all over again.

After two hours of this, he suddenly began to get irate. Screaming, "Mommy! Mommy!" and holding his penis.

"What? You finally need to pee?"

"Ppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Well, then. Sit. On. The. Potty."


"Nnnnnnnnooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!"

"What? You want to put a diaper back on and pee in the diaper?"

"Yes! Peas! Diaper, Mommy, diaper!"

There's Not a Line That Goes Here That Rhymes with Anything (Anything!) (Anything!)

Ever have one of those days where you stare at the ouzo in the fridge and you wonder hmmm... just how late in the day should I wait before diving in?

She Bop - He Bop - a - We Bop, I Bop - You Bop - a - They Bop

She's totally right.


It really does make life better.

When They Insist On Knowing My Bliss, I Tell Them This...

Yesterday Griffin stayed home from school because he was "sick." He was running a slight fever (99.9), claimed his tummy and head hurt and he was lethargic.

And since Griffin was "sick," Darwin decided that he too must be "sick."

And they took full advantage...


... by snuggling on the couch all day and getting constant refills of popcorn.

Sometimes I think I'm too damn nice. Or maybe not.

Every time Griffin got up to do something (other than go to bathroom), I yelled at him to lay back down. I mean, seriously, if you're gonna stay home from school, you're gonna do the time. Right?

And now I'm running a slight fever (lovely). Good thing we don't have any plans this weekend other than stuffing our faces and hanging out at home.