Wednesday, June 28, 2006

If I Could Open My Mouth Wide Enough for a Marching Band to March Out

Mother Nature is on my shit list right now. So is the Universe.

::shaking fists in the air::

Yesterday I stupidly decided to take the boys to the park. I say stupidly because I didn't feel up to it and didn't want to, but they were acting like little banshees and were trying to figure out how to drive me crazy and/or burn the house down.

Both boys were tripping all over the park, throwing hissy fits and not listening. After putting up with their crap for an hour, I decided it was time to leave.

When we got to the van, Griffin and Darwin took it upon themselves to try to raise all the evil souls in Haites to use their wrath upon me. It worked Really Well.

I opened the door for Griffin to climb in, Darwin refused to walk (he went boneless) and I had to carry him. I had 33 extra pounds on my left hip.

Then it happened.

I stepped on a piece of nature (stupid nature) and twisted my foot. I regained my balance and started walking. Turns out the piece of nature-that-was-larger-than-a-golf-ball was till under my foot, and I took a huge tumble in slow motion.

Instinct kicked in and I did everything I could to prevent Darwin from getting hurt. I fell, fell and fell -- I was scraped, bruised and whacked my head on the van. Darwin was fine, not a scratch. However, I tore up my knee complete with a river of blood, scraped my neck, bonked my head and had 76 bruises. And my foot. My foot.

By the time I got home I couldn't walk on it. The doctor's office was too busy to see me, so I had to wait three hours for urgent care to open. I had x-rays and an exam. The doctor was convinced that I broke my foot (broke. my. foot?), but the x-rays showed all the bones are fine. But he needs a specialist to look it over, because he's still convinced it is broken.

I asked him about the soft tissue, if any ligaments are torn and he said he didn't know and there's no way to tell (stupid medical science, surely there's a way to tell).

I have an appointment this afternoon to see my real doctor and probably have more x-rays done. My foot is seriously swollen and and purple with little brown bruises all over. Ubber-gross and very painful.

My muscles in my foot are spasming and sending shooting pains up to my knee. I can't do anything by myself, and getting across the room is like an aerobic activity.

I have to lay down with my foot raised above my heart with ice packs on it. My step-mom brought over her walker last night (which helped a little) and my cousin Sarah is over today to help fully take care of the boys. My aunt loaned me some crutches, but even at the lowest setting they are too tall for me (damn things come up to my ears).

Sarah went down to the basement to get me my laptop so I could at least write this and then read the blogs off bloglines (which, by the way, has 165 posts for me to read, so that should entertain me for a while). And I can't post photos because we haven't networked the computers together yet, and there's no way in hell I can make it downstairs to upload the photos.

Like you all would actually want to see my foot, knee and other battle scars.

Of course, anytime I tell someone what happened their first question is, "Are you still going to Michigan?" According to Aaron, the answer is yes. Me? I'm letting the doctor decide. I honestly don't know how I can handle a 750 mile trip and then be over two hours away from a Whole Foods with my foot all jacked up.

One thing is for sure. If my foot doesn't kill me, my in-laws will.


LLA said...

Oh, honey!

This just sucks - and I am so sorry to hear about it...

Is there anything that we can do for you???

Anonymous said...

Oh. my. goodness. Poor you!!! That sounds horrible and terribly painful. I've never broken anything, but I have badly sprained my ankle and tore some ligaments while on vacation. That was NO fun. It surely wasn't a pretty sight (purple, blue, brown yellow foot for weeks). The doctors told me that sometimes sprains hurt more than breaks. I hope you get better soon. Keep up updated!

Ali said...

Oh Laura, poor you. I hope Darwin is suitably impressed by your heroics. Heal quickly. Two footed vibes coming your way.

Anonymous said...

The universe evidently thought you had passed all its other tests with flying colors and thought you were ready for another one. You'll pass this one too though no one says it will be fun. Stupid universe. Sorry. Healing thoughts.

Emy said...

That sucks. I know. I was just there. My foot started looking like a corpse's foot. I wish I could tell you that it wasn't the worst time ever, but it was. Maybe you can get someone to bring you down some kind of fun activity. I knitted and embroidered. That ice really does help so keep using it. Hope you heal faster than I did!

Anonymous said...

Well, shit, honey, that bites! Hope it's not broken and that you feel better fast. It's excellent you have help.

Kim said...

You have a problem... Well no, more of a conundrum...
You write well, with great use of humor, and thus too often I find myself laughing my ass off at your plight - the plight of the potentially broken foot.
I'm sorry. It's not funny. But you are funny. Tis your curse.

Oh, and pictures... Well of course I want to see pictures of it!
Then again, my mother kept her gall stones in a vial for 20 years, my dad sends me an extracted tooth in the mail, and I study and smush placenta before burying it, so I'm a l'il odd that way. L'il bit.

lera said...

you poor thing!!! i'm sure you are in so much pain! you really took a tumble.

joe fell off the ladder 7 wks ago and the dr (army base dr) told him his arm wasn't broken and it was probably "soft tissue damage." well, he had an mri 2 wks ago and just found out LAST WEEK that it IS broken! and he can't get in to see a military orthopedic dr for more than 2 wks!!! from his experience, an mri should tell you that info (he also tore a muscle).

and, by the way, my mother broke her foot days before a trip to ireland and she still went! it was painful, but she wasn't going to miss it for the world.

hope you can get around easier soon. i was laughing at your aerobic moves ... sorry.

Marshamlow said...

Damn that is horrid. I hope nothing is torn and that it is not broken. That is gets better soon, and that you help is able to stay until it does.

Anonymous said...

Oh - that's such bad, bad news! I'm sorry...and to have it happen when your kids are being yucky and he didn't get a scratch...well that's at least one good sure is humbling to be a mom, huh?

Toni said...

I'm really sorry to hear about your poor foot! That was some day. I'm hoping for a speedy recovery.xo.

Anonymous said...

Laura what a terrible day - how on earth did you get home? I would be feeling extremely sorry for myself - and if your in laws play with your head anything like mine - well if that doctor doesn't say you need to stay home - get a second opinion! I hope you get mended quickly. but maybe those well travelled mags will arrive soon so you at least have something to read! Thanks so much for my amazing parcel.

Anonymous said...

ouchie is an understatement... I bet you tore some ligaments - I swear that hurts worse than breaking your foot. Did that about five years ago while chasing a loose dog, stepped in a hole at full speed, and my foot still gives me problems to this day. Wishing you a speedy recovery!

Berber said...

Aaaah poor you!!
I feel really sorry, hope you're feeling a bit better soon!

Anonymous said...

Owww! Sorry to hear about your foot! Hope it recovers soon. I can't imagine trying to travel like that.

At my house, we're all sick. There's definitely some malign influence in the air this week....

Anonymous said...

Capello. Oh my dear, sweet, poor, beaten Capello. That was one hellish day. I so hope your foot is NOT broken and you'll feel better soon. I am happy that you got some kid help today though!Sheesh, I leave you for two days and this? man. 8=)
As for Michigan! in a car? with kids? please no. I think that would kill me before the inlaws would.
good luck my sweets.

Anonymous said...

Poor, poor you - what a nightmare. I believe alchol may be the best form of pain relief.

At least you get some help with the boys and you nevr know - you might get out of ging to the inlaws - result!

Lyn said...

Oh my! That goes for the in laws too!

Keep that foot up!

Oh my! Sounds soooo painful!