Zippity Doo Wah Out on the Ground

It was a lovely day at the park, playing with friends. When all of the sudden, Griffin began screaming, "Darwin ate wheat! Darwin ate wheat!"

Yeah.

Darwin ate some Cheatos from some kids we don't know.

Which apparently don't have wheat but are still filled with soy and cheese.

Darwin's allergic to soy and dairy.

I had to shove my finger down his throat to make him throw up.

In front of my friends.

And then I had to rush him home to give him benadryl.

Dude. Food allergies suck major ass.

She Wants to Party (Woooo!) She Wants to Get Down (Woooo!)

"Mommy? Hey, Mommy?


"This picture means Mommies are not allowed to play with my Lego Bionicles. SO GIVE THEM BACK!"

Geesh. Talk about buzzkill.

I Wanna Know That You'll Tell Me, I Love to Stay

Friday night, still running a fever, I packed the family up in the van for a quick jaunt to Arkansas.

Of course, I use the term "quick" very loosely as it took six hours to get there and apparently Arkansas doesn't have proper highways. Oh, and they have hills mountains. Lots and lots of mountains.


It was a big family celebration of sorts. Aaron's [step]father found his birth mother last year and everyone managed to pack up and go meet her.

It was lovely.

Unfortunately, we only got to stay for one full day. We packed up Sunday afternoon, decided fuck that and hung around until the early evening hours, arriving home early this morning.

So if you hear any moaning, that's me aching. Or if you hear and thumping, that's me walking into the walls. I need some more sleep.

[full set of photos on flickr, blogspot's being a bugger.]

I've Been Swimming in a Sea of Anarchy

Earlier this week, the lovely Lauren tagged me for seven things I think are lame.

Oh my hell, is today ever a day to do such a thing.

1. Magical flus that pop up and bite you in the ass. And knock you in the head. It's nice to sit upright today, and that's just pathetic.

2. Fevers that spread like wildfire through the family (okay, that ties in with number one but still, it's lame).

3. Receiving goodies in the mail, but not writing about them nor posting pictures. I do believe this also qualifies me as a major asshole.

4. A cable box that freezes up and reboots itself in the middle of watching t.v. And a cable company that doesn't answer the phone. Bastards.

5. The lack of sunshine in Kansas.

6. Me, constantly singing "mister sun, sun, mister golden sun, please shine down on me..."

7. Roadtrips. With children. Who like to do public potty tours. We're suppose to go to Arkansas tomorrow. Yikes.

Oh! Got another one!

8. People making the democratic nomination be a fight about race or gender. I don't give a shit about the race and gender, I just want the best candidate. For us, it's Obama.

Something not lame?


Superhero three year olds.

Got a lame list? Let me know!

You Better Run, You Better Hide

If you haven't seen Super Bad, this may make no sense. So in that event, you may want to watch this clip.... but be warned it may not be safe work work or children.



"Wow. That Seth is fucked up."

"Why?"

"Because. He drew pictures of penises. All the time."

"So? I drew pictures of boobies all through second grade."

"You did what?"

"I drew pictures of boobies. At school. Haven't I told you this before?"

"Uh.... no. No, Laura, you haven't."

"Oh. I drew boobies. And I gave them to the boys at my table."

::blink, blink::

"And then one day, the teacher found some that one of the boys had saved up. And he got in trouble. Sent to the principal's office and everything. And then the boy told them I drew them and no one believed him. And then I stopped drawing them."

"You ACTUALLY DREW BOOBIES?"

"Yeah. Duh. Didn't I just explain that?"

"So... you were just as fucked up as Seth then?"

"Well, I didn't draw any pictures of vaginas so I wouldn't say I was as bad."

"Why didn't you draw any pictures of vaginas?"

"'Cause I didn't know what they looked like AND IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME."

Quit My Job, Flipped Off the Boss, Took My Name Off the Payroll (Screw You Man)

If ever there was a day to quit parenting, man, I tell ya -- today would be a good day to do it.

Report Card Day. I fucking hate report card day.

It's like a glowing neon sign from Griffin's teacher going on and on and on about how she thinks he's a fuck up.

In all honesty yeah, he can do better but come one -- most of these words she tests him on he's never seen. And "punts" -- what kind of kid do you think we're raising here lady? WE'RE NERDS. I barely know what "punts" mean. Shit.


So, buckle down it is. She claims he doesn't even know all the whole alphabet. He does, until you give him independent work. I've spent the last hour listening to "Mom, what comes after S?" "Mom, what comes after T?" Oh my hell, are you kidding me?

So, to all my homeschooling sisters, advice please. We're going to keep him in the public school district but supplement (a shit load) at home. Help me, please.

Well, I Guess This is Growing Up

"Hey Mom? How many more days until I'm a grown-up and then turn into a kid again?"

"Huh?"

"How many days until I'm a grown-up and turn into a kid again?"

"Um... once you're a grown-up, you don't turn into a kid again, Griffin."

::burst into tears::

And.... the crying lasted over an hour. Apparently, Griffin never wants to be a grown-up and never wants to boss his kids around the way we boss him and around and never wants me to turn into an old lady and never wants Aaron to turn into an old man and he never, ever, ever! wants! to! be! a! grown! up!


Is it the tooth? The ability to wash hands without standing on a step-stool? Going to school?

And how the hell am I suppose to respond to this? Well Griffin, you won't be a grown-up for a long time. That didn't work. Neither did that's not something you need to worry about for a long time, you know not that I want to dismiss his worries but geesh... I'm not going to promise him he'll never be a grown-up 'cause that means either he's gonna die or I'm gonna catch him smokin' the ganja in the basement one day when he's 20 and he refuses to have a job and refuses to go to college and he steals money out of my purse and I'm gonna have to kick him out of the house and then he'll be homeless and THEN WHAT, INTERNET, THEN WHAT? I can't lead him down that path with a little promise of him never turning into a grown-up.

I'm Rocking the Suburbs

How pathetic is it that decapitating my gluten-free dark chocolate bunny is the highlight of the day?


I got to use a steak knife on it.

I love being home, running the dishwasher and laundry. But it's the actual art of putting those things away that's bogging me down. And the big question: when do I get some sewing time? Think the decapitated bunny is qualified enough to watch the boys while I sew?

It's Good to See You, It's Good to See You Go

Right before bedtime last night, I was inspecting the boys' teeth.

Stupid sparkley sugared marshmallow bunnies.

Of course Griffin had some stuck underneath his loose tooth. So with the help of my trusty-dusty fingernail, I was prying it out and then...


... the damn tooth popped out!


It was a pretty anti-climatic event for Griffin. He was all, "that's it?" Yeah, dude, that's it. What did you expect, 76 trombones?

In any case, the tooth fairy visited (and left a baggie of coins!) and the redness is no longer red (thank goodness) and now the constant questions of "when's my GROWN UP tooth coming in, Mom?" have arrived.

Sweet Like Candy to My Soul

Home. Home. We are so happy to be home.

Once we got "south" enough away from Michigan, everything began to show hints of green. We spent two days in the car pointing to fields and screaming, "Green!" "Green!" "GREEN!"

Actually, it was this close to getting on my nerves but I really didn't care. We came from Michigan that looked like this:


To getting home and finding these gems in our yard:

{crocus}

{unnamed plant but smells wonderful}

{daffodils}

{tulips}

{surprise lilies}

{lilac}

All home. All safe. All sound. Totally ready for spring.