He's Been Away So Long (So Long, So Long), He's Been Away So Long... Here Comes My Man

Ah, Aaron is on a plane right now, coming home. Thanks be to Goddess, Glory Hallelujah, etc, etc.

The older - and more rowdy - the children get, the harder it is to have him travel. And boy, does he travel. He typically is out about 100 days of the year, and I just can't handle it anymore.

But he's coming home tonight, and that's a very good thing. Because you know what that means, don't you?

Don't you?

(Oh, get your mind out of the gutter.)

That means I get to sleep. Sleep.

I suffer from horrible insomnia when he's out of town (which makes handling the situation all! the! much! better!). And not the good Martha-Stewart-insomnia where I can plaster the entry room, start priming, take out all the yucky grout in the bathroom and experiment with gluten-free baking. No, I suffer from the suck-ass-insomnia where I lay in bed staring at the clock thinking, "Shit, how am I going to handle tomorrow? How? How? HOW?"

So, tonight, I should finally be able to sleep. And I'm so looking forward to it.

Corners of My Home

For this week's corner...


This is in a corner of my living room; I've had the 200-year old stained glass window for about eight years now. I know I should "retire" it, since each of our children have broken a stained glass lamp, but I just can't bring myself to put it in a lonely, dark location.

For more snooping (or to see more corners of other people's homes), go here.

Whole Foods Whore

Today, I succeeded! I ran all around Whole Foods and tracked down the coffee bitch.

Ah... minty mocha.

And? I finally found the xanthan gum.

That shit cost $9.49, so it had better damn work! (For those of you who don't know, both the children and I have Celiac Disease, which means no gluten from wheat/oat/barley. Aaron has had it with the gluten-free mixes [and I agree; they are not so good], so now it is time for me to experiment with my tried-and-true recipes; xanthan gum is a necessary element to gluten-free baking, as it is suppose to prevent baked items from collapsing -- we'll see.)

As for the tulips? I deserve those damn tulips, deserve.

Let's just say that it may have something to do with the fact that the almost-four-year-old took it upon himself to crap in his goodnite diaper this morning, with it oozing out of every orifice of the diaper, then while I was giving him a bath his one-year-old brother did the same damn thing. And I? Did not lose my temper. Not Once. I DESERVE THE TULIPS.

Owner of a Lonely Heart

Meh. Make that Owner of a Chaotic Mind. Actually, I have both.

Aaron's out of town this week (and no, that has absolutely nothing to do with my chocolate and alcohol-induced bender I'm on. Ha! I laugh in your face! Hahahahahahaha! Ahem); luckily for him, he's within driving distance to see his parents and grandmas. Unluckily for me, I'm left home alone to deal with our children.

I took Griffin to the Occupational Therapist for an hour of fun-filled activities to help him with his Sensory Integration Disorder and "borderline Autism." Its also known as "Let's make Laura feel like a worthless mother who should have her head chopped off (Chop it off! Chop it off!) Hour."

Then, I got to come home and spend two hours and fifteen minutes fighting with insurance (and how is it I don't get paid for this shit?) over covering Darwin's safety glasses.

First I call the opthamologist office (no word yet, should have heard by monday morning, boo!), the the insurance (we're approved! yay!), then the doctor's office again to tell them we're approved (yay!), then the eye glass place (nope! not approved! boo!), then the insurance again (you were approved monday, yay! but don't expect authorization for six weeks, boo! what? you want authorization now? I'll hang up on you! boo!), the the insurance again (yes, you're approved. yay! no, we won't give the approval to the eye glass place. boo! you want to know how much? oh, no monetary amount has been approved. boo! go buy the glasses and make the eye glass place send a claim. then we'll decide how much of that we're paying. boo!) and lastly to call the eye glass place to tell them HOLY FUCKING SHIT WE ARE COMING IN TOMORROW MORNING TO ORDER DARWIN'S DAMN GLASSES AND YOU HAVE TO SUBMIT A CLAIM TO MY INSURANCE BECAUSE THEY SUCK ASS.

And do you know what the eye glass place said to me? Do you? DO YOU?

"Okay sweetie, we'll see you tomorrow morning and everything's gonna be just fine."

Sometimes, living in Kansas isn't so damn bad.

Whole Foods, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

Whole Foods, you know I am in your store every Tuesday and Thursday mornings like clockwork. I expect someone to be at the coffee bar with minty mocha in hand. Especially on a day, such as today, when I got Griffin to preschool late, dressed Darwin in Griffin's clothes with no socks and no coat, after laying in bed until 2 am waiting for the Ouzo buzz to wear off already.

I waited there for over five minutes. Obviously, you have no concept of what Five Mommy Minutes are like. In five minutes, I can unload and load the dishwasher, wipe down all the counters and the table. I can also take out the trash and swifter the kitchen and breakfast room. In five minutes, I can run downstairs and start the 16th rinse cycle of the towels; I can also check e-mail, read three blogs and monitor how soapy the laundry still is.

You know I am completely whipped by you. You realize that you are the only shop in town that can make me a mocha with some sort of mint product in it, and it is all gluten-free. And, obviously, you realize that no matter how much you abuse me, I'll be back in your store in two days like a wounded lover wanting to purchase groceries and a minty mocha. You're becoming my abusive boyfriend.

Ouzo

Or, as we like to call it in this house, MommyCalmDown Juice.

And no, I will not comment as to how many shots I had this evening.

You Know I'm Losing My Mind...

... when I stare into a poopy diaper for over five minutes, thinking What the fuck did that child eat?

I need some adult time. ADULT TIME.

Return of the One-Eyed Cretin (oh, now, that's just plain evil)

We took Darwin to the Opthamologist yesterday for a four-month check-up from his eye accident ("All the Drama").

Darwin, October 7th, 2005; ten days after his accident.

The doctor was amazed at how much movement he has regained in his left eye and eye lid. She thought he could keep healing, but it is possible that at some point it will regress a little, but not to how he was immediately after the accident.

Darwin, January 24th, 2006

Darwin does respond negatively to bright light in his left eye, so the doctor looked through his retinas to see his optical nerves. The scale the color of the nerve from one (best) to four (worst). Darwin's right eye is a one, completely healthy; his left eye is a "four plus," its the lightest color nerve she has ever seen. His left optical nerve is severly damaged, and he is blind in his left eye.
Due to being blind in that eye, other parts of the eye might degenerate due to no longer being needed; but this is not something you can see physically.

Due to now having only one functioning eye, we have to get Darwin safety glasses. She gave us a prescription, and hopefully insurance will cover all or most of the cost. He will wear them at all times (in the tub, swimming, etc.), for the rest of his life. We may also need to get him safety sunglasses, due to the fact that his left eye is sensitive to bright light.

The doctor also mentioned that for her whole career and future career, this will be the biggest freak accident she ever saw. Gee, thanks.

Corners of My Home

I love, love, LOVE being nosey. So this is right up my alley...

For my first participation of "Corners of My Home," (brilliantly developed by Amanda at SouleMama) may I present a small area in an even smaller kitchen...


This is the small butcher block countertop (which really? It is gross. Needs work, but I don't know how to refinish it) between the fridge and the stove.

My mother-in-law purchased the old blue colander from and antique store after I fell in love with it (yes, it is filled with organic fruit; we are getting to be quite "crunchy").

I painted the two pieces of pottery at a local store (and re-fell in love with painting pottery). I did the pitcher first, and the store was closing soon so I didn't let it dry enough between layers so the paint job came out muddled. But the small tray - that I use as a spoon rest - came out perfectly.

For more snooping, go here.

Everytime You Close Your Eyes

Turns out, having OCD is good for at least one thing...

I pieced the panels yesterday, and did the orange shashing today.

And? Griffin loves his blanket...


Now, I have to sew the Minky on. And I really do not like sewing the Minky on. It ruins my scissors and needles. But if you've ever had the pleasure of having a blanket with Minky on it, then you know it is so worth it.

So, I'm hoping tonight to birth the blanket (yes, its actually called that. Who knew quilters were so sassy?). And I think from this point forward, I'm doing all the work by hand.

Oy.