Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Would You Always, Maybe Sometimes, Make it Easy

The weather is beautiful here, gorgeous actually, and I've been walking the dog to get the boys from school daily.

Oh, did you forget we have a dog? We do. I struggle not to kill her every damn day.

Today she pooped in her crate, rolled in it then dug four - FOUR - motherfucking holes in the backyard while she waited for a bath.

I'm gonna plant crocuses in those holes.

Or her body.

I'll let you guess which I choose.

Anyway, so Kylie The Damn Dog loves walking to get the boys from school because she gets a shitload of attention. Everyone wants to pet her. When it's time to go she whimpers, no, wait, that person over there hasn't pet me yet! The little slut.

Today we got down to the school and Darwin's class was already out - normally they're a good five, ten, 86 minutes late after the bell so this was a pleasant surprise.

Until Darwin burst into a glob of sob-y gooey tears.

"You" choke, choke, sob "FORGOT MEeeeeeeeee!" choke, choke, sob, rinse, repeat.

"No, I didn't sweetie."

"YES YOU DIDddddddddddddd." Insert wiping snotty nose down the sleeve of his hoodie.

His teacher (who's so goddamn perfect and chipper you can't decide if you want to punch her or put her in your pocket and carry her around for the rest of your life for personal affirmations) tried to explain to him that they were early but he wasn't having any of that. So he proceeded to have a full complete meltdown in the front of the school, with the goddamn principal watching a few feet away.

I'm pretty good with the boys when they lose their shit, and there's good reason for that: they are stellar shit losers. I don't know where they get that from.

So I talked to him, I picked him up (he's getting fucking heavy), carried him around, tried to calm him down. And then decided to tell him a story.

"Did I ever tell you about that time, I was probably eight or so, when my step-monster (insert her name here), she's not in our lives now, forgot me? She REALLY forgot me."

::shakes his head no::

"Well, I was at the skating rink for a school party. She was suppose to come pick me up after the party. An hour later, after they were already closed, the manager had me come in and call her. So I called her. She said she was on her way. She didn't come for another two hours."

"Two hours?"

"Yes. It was three hours total. And then I got yelled at. Darwin, I know what it feels like to be forgotten, and I promise I will never, ever forget you, Griffin or Daddy. I promise."

::sob, sob:: "Okay. But Mommy?"

"Yes, Darwin?"

"This was way worse than that."



Keyona said...

Of course it was WAY worse. He is full of drama. Wonder where he gets that from. LOL!

***Sharon*** said...

Awwwww! Poor kiddo! ;)

I wish my daughter's teacher was so perfect....

Skye @ Planet Jinxatron said...

I am a bad mom, I think I would have laughed.

Evolutionary Revolutionary said...

That totally cracked me up. You're kids are constant entertainment for me. Seriously. I can only HOPE mine are as cool. (but with my lucky they'll be whiny ninnies like I was.)

You can call me Betty, or Bethany, or Beth ...Just don't call me late for dinner. said...

The Big D... Is that for Darwin Or Drama?

awesome story.

Chickenbells said...

Well...only because it happened to HIM. Poor guy...maybe by that time he was just way more committed to being worked up than being soothed? Besides...he has to talk about SOMETHING in therapy someday...

Heidijayhawk said...

poor baby! and i'm with sky. i would have laughed.

Shannon said...

I love your honest and open style! :) I don't know why 3 minutes feels like 3 hours to a little person, but it just does. I was about that late to pick my lil' girl up one day last year (when she was in Kindergarten) and she was pretty distraught!

Liz said...

Oh how funny!

patrice said...

I love reading your dialogs. They always get me laughing. Anationia has a post over at Whoopee that got me laughing today too. Do you read her?

When Annie is away from me in a class or group she always says "I want you to be the first mom there."

She's 81/2.

Anonymous said...

I'm with the "bad" mothers that would have laughed! So funny.

Fox in a Box said...

In Darwin's defense, you WERE at a skating party. ;)

k said...

He'll appreciate the difference when he's older (and you're still in his life).