Monkey Business on a Sunny Afternoon

(Answering the phone), "Hey Dad, what's up?"

(Talking about his business), "... so I'm going to need to keep the phone on my at all times and charged."

"Well, I keep mine in my pocket and I have it set on ring and vibrate. So if the kids are being really loud, I can still feel it ringing."

"Does it give you orgasms too?"

"Dad, I don't know what kind of pants you wear, but my pockets are on my outer thighs."

Don't You Need to be Back in the Arms of a Good Friend?

Griffin has been on "summer break" for two weeks now and we still trying to find our groove.

Tuckie Tuesday -- he's a wee bit shy

With the lackadaisical parenting I believe in (ahem), we have no plans this summer. No trips out of town, no camps, no sports, no activities.

Just lots of time to go to Science City, the pool, play with friends and go to Kaleidoscope.

I've never been a big fan of summer, but I'm working on it. I'm really, really working on it.

We've Known Each Other for So Long

The trip to St. Louis was fantastic.


I got to see my bestest friend, Amy, and her son, Dylan.


Who is quite possibly the most serious and contemplative two-year old ever.

We had a great time running around, going shopping, eating lunch (at Mimi's Cafe and Carrabba's -- both of which have gluten-free menus) and visiting Trader Joe's.

Which, by the way, Trader Joe's sucked ass. They had only two gluten-free cereals and three gluten-free breads (all of which were As Hard As A Rock, I Swear To Gawd). And the employees were rude (assholes!) and unknowledgable.

They did, however, have really, really cheap wine.

Anyway, I had left for St. Louis at 6:30 am and got home at 12:15 am so Sunday was spent sleeping (thank Aaron!) (he's trying to score brownie points before he sets off for a three week business trip) (which coincides over Darwin's birthday) (so he's in the dog house) (seriously).

The rest of the three day weekend was spent cooking...


gluten-free lemon cake and gluten-free cream cheese raspberry muffins (need sunlight for pictures of those) (and I need to choose one to post today).

And now back to real life, aka - dishes and laundry and dusting and cleaning bathrooms and...

If I Get You in the Loop When I Make a Point to be Straight with You Then, in Lieu of the Innuendo in the End Know My Intent Though

Ah... a long weekend is upon us.

Tomorrow morning I'm getting up at the ass-crack of dawn to drive to Saint Louis to visit my bestest friend in the entire world. She's coming down from Wisconsin to visit her parents and I get to visit for the day.


Then after spending the day with her and her two year old son (also known as The Cutest Puddley-Wumper That Ever Did Exist) I get to drive the three-plus hours home tomorrow night.


But I don't mind driving. Not at all. It relaxes me. I'll be like Tuckie the Turtle, totally pimped out and relaxed after spending the day with my bestest friend.

And on the way home I plan to stop at Trader Joe's. Well, fuck, I guess that one closed down. Now I need to find another Trader Joe's in the vicinity of Saint Louis I'll be in. Fuckity, fuck, fuck, FUCK!

Friday Lego love

Well, hmph. In any case, I WILL RELAX THIS WEEKEND GODDESS DAMN IT. Serenity now!

When I'm With You Baby, I Go Out of My Head and I Just Can't Get Enough, I Just Can't Get Enough

"Mama?"

"Yes, Darwin?"

"I kiss your eye?"

"Okay."

"Mwah. Mama?"

"Yeah?"

"I kiss your odder eye?"

"Sure."

"Mwah. Mama?"

"Yeah?"

"I kiss your mouf?"

"Okay."

"Mwah. Mama?"

"Yeah, Dar?"

"I kiss your head?"

"Okay."

"Mwah. Mama?"

"Yes, Darwin"

"I kiss your boobies? I kiss your boobies?"

Aaron, "NO! Those are MY boobies! No kissing Mommy's boobies!"

I Go Crazy

Earlier this week, Miss Alicia (as she is known in our home) left a little present on our doorstep.


It's the incredible inchworm made by Laurie, who is just absolutely amazing. She so happenly posted it the same time I posted my inchworm post.

Can anyone say perfect, amazing stitches?

Anyway, Laurie graciously gave the inchworm to Alicia, along with a little something special, because she's just so darn nice.

And after a few days of play, the inchworm is perfectly inching its way across the boys' bedroom window.


Thanks ladies!

I Got a Perfect Way to Make a Justification

"Get away, naughty squirrel!" ::bang, bang, bang:: "Get away from our bird feeder!"

Tag Team Back Again, Check into Wreckin', Let's Begin

Despite still having sinus shit going on (hello, using at least one box of tissues a day; still), we managed to spend the entire weekend outside working.

Entire weekend.

Sweet baby Jesus, I'm not even remotely joking.

First up...


... front garden bed: completely cleared out and weeded. Took a trip to one of my favorite nurseries (Longview Farm Nursery, which fuck, I can't find anything on it on the net; and double fuck, they are closing after 27 years into retirement and the place is for sale and triple fuck, Aaron doesn't want to buy and run it. DAMN IT) and purchased a flat of dwarf snap dragons and planted a row in front of the knockout roses.

Next up...


... side bed. Aaron rototilled it and I planted 200 zinnia seeds in the bed and cucumbers along the fence.

And...


... and all the rosebushes have been appropriately trimmed....


... the "triangle." Before Aaron rototilled the side bed, he dug up all the daisies and I transplanted them. I also weeded the triangle and staked up a volunteer clematis...


... of course, I use the term "volunteer" loosely as I think I may have actually planted that clematis five years ago, but it didn't start blooming until last year. I pulled those eight-foot green stakes out of other areas of the yard where the weren't needed and wrap the two clematis vines (two vines! one plant!) around them. They don't find my ideal aesthetic, but they fit our ubber-tight budget (free! free! free!) and our green-philosophy (reduce! reuse! recycle!).


This is a big deal: Aaron spent some personal time with our faucet and fixed it. It has leaked the entire time we have lived here. Seven years of leaking and it was getting seriously out of control. Now (so far), no leaks.


Next up: the island. Oh my. This fucker took forever.


But after six hours (six hours!) (six hours!) (holy fuck, six hours!) of weeding it is finally done. Well, not done-done. I still have to trim the bushes, rake out the leaves, buy some seeds to plant (I'm thinking more zinnias), plant 'em, plant the remaining dwarf snap dragons, water everything in and Aaron has to finish the edging job he started...


Gah.

And we haven't started on any of the other projects yet either.

Double Gah.

Again, it Seems We Meet, in the Spaces in Between, We Always Say (Too Much) it Won't Be Long, Oh But Something's Always Wrong

Part of the fall-out of us all being sick has been a canceled trip to Michigan to visit Aaron's family.

Considering the fact that all three of my boys are still sick (I'm doing better, but still not completely over it), it's probably for the best. And considering the fact that the trip was going to be so fucking short that I couldn't visit any friends. Well, then. We all know I have my priorities.

So this weekend we are hoping (I am hoping) to get a lot of stuff done in the garden. Starting with this...


... my front bed featuring my pretty knock-out roses. They got hit super hard by that cocksucking frost a few weeks ago, but they are finally bouncing back. I need to do a little trim of the newly dead branches, rake out the leaves, transport the leaves to the backyard (hey! they are really good for the garden! keep your leaves, people, keep your leaves!) and find some under planting for them.

Normally, I do some pink throat, white vinca. But I want something different this year, something still drought tolerant, but pretty. Any suggestions?

And then that brings us around to this...


... this monster of a fucking bush that has to be trimmed back monthly. Can you say, "Swallowing the whole damn porch?"

Speaking of swallowing stuff up...


... hello overgrowth! Gah.


Hey, didn't there use to be a greenhouse there? And hello what is suppose to be a compost bin which my husband uses as a yard trash receptacle. Um, yeah. Those need to be worked on too.


The island! The island! That needs to be raked, weeded and have seeds planted. Do you think that will get accomplished this weekend?


::sigh:: At least something is pretty over here.


Oh look. Stuff I still haven't planted yet. Hmph.


Oh yeah. more rose bushes with dead canes. Thanks, frost. Thanks a lot.


Oh yeah. The side bed. Where I have to rake, transport the leaves and rototill so I can plant hundreds of zinnia seeds.

My children have dubbed today as "National Costume Day." Which means they want to wear costumes out of the house today. Do you think I care? I do not.

Friday Lego love -- I totally think I needs this ice cube tray. (Thanks Lera!)

So, yeah. Who thinks all that is gettin' done this weekend?

I Got You - That's All I Want

Before I got horribly sick this weekend (but still sick, as I had to load up a box of tissues and two bottles of decongestant to take with me), one of my best friends was in town and I went to visit her grandparents with her.

My friend, Duff, and I have been friends since seventh grade. A mutual friend introduced us, whom quickly became mutual enemies to both of us.

I love Duff's grandma. She's the grandma I've always wanted.


Do you see that? Grandma is wearing a quilt shirt. A quilt shirt. And she's standing in one of her two sewing rooms in front of her quilt reference library. (One of two rooms people, ONE OF TWO ROOMS.)


Grandma is currently working on an embroidery quilt. A whole quilt. That's been embroidered. By her. By hand. Whole quilt.


This is the hexagon quilt Grandma is working on. She recently ripped it all apart because the green use to be white and Grandma thought that was too stark. She does all her piecing by hand, but no paper. BY HAND. PIECING BY HAND.

Grandma has a whole closet of quilt tops. I wanted to rub them against my naked body. When she heard that, she wouldn't even let me see the newest ones. Hmph.


And Grandma is an avid gardener too. She has over 70 peonies. I even counted. And rows upon rows upon rows of veggies and other flowers too.

When I grow up, I want to be as cool as Grandma.

My Lip Gloss is Cool, My Lip Gloss be Poppin'

I did not get a dick in a box for Mother's Day.

Instead, Aaron gave me a raging head cold teamed with sore throat, acidic stomach and sinus infection. Which has resulted in a sandpaper mustache and burns in my pillowcases from the nasty nasal drip.

Blech.

And everyone has it. Aaron's home from work for the second day in a row and the boy never stays home from work.

So... if I'm quiet this week... it means I'm getting a free facial acid peel.

When I, You and Everyone We Knew Could Believe, Do, and Share in What Was True

Yesterday the awesome Samantha tagged me to pick my five favorite sites.

Wha? Just five? Huh?

Considering that I have 158 feeds in bloglines, a folder of 14 more sites that aren't available on bloglines and a folder of four sites to check weekly and yeah that gets a little overwhelming.

So... here's some people that I love that you may not know about.

Oil Cloth Junkie -- I heart Michelle. Big, gushy-gushy heart love with sprinkles and sequins. She is my new best friend, and knows it as well. Did you know we live in a hand basket going to hell together? We do. It's lined in purple velvet and it's oh, so comfortable. She lives in Lawrence, about an hour away from me, with her husband and two kids. And she makes stuff, lots of stuff. And lives with color, lots and lots of color. And she even let her husband rip out part of their driveway for a garden plot. Seriously, seriously, awesome.

Tomfoolery -- Tommy doesn't update too often, but when he does it usually contains snarky commentary of his homosexual escapades, which let's face it: that's hawt. And he totally talks smack about famous people and doles out free advice that they don't take, but should.

Meegan Blue -- Meegan is awesome. Meegan has been writing as long as I have (actually, a month longer) and tells of her life as a mom (she has three kids -- that's more kids than hands; MORE KIDS THAN HANDS, PEOPLE) and the struggle to find some time to craft and make stuff too (hmmm... sounds familiar).

This is Me -- Laura has more than she knows what to do with. A single mom of a very awesome special needs boy and a crafter, she is a Wonder Woman to be looked up to. And her tales make me want to buy a gun and open fire at insurance companies.

Craft Junkie -- Emy and her husband and son are currently living in Italy (Italy! Italy! Italy!), she too is a fabulous crafter who makes all sorts of fabulous stuff, including recently boiling plastic spoons and turning them into jewelry. I'm totally not kidding. Jewelery. And it is adorable.

So, there. You can choose to play along. Or not. I'm a rule breaker like that.

Yesterday I did manage to get out and plant all my flowers...


::sigh:: Children. Gah. They always dodge into the frame at the last moment, don't they? Here's a close-up...


Ah. Much better.

Friday Lego love

And for extra fun, has anyone heard about this yet?



It's a documentary on the new wave of indie craft in America. I'm all over that.

But You Don't Understand My Point of View, I Suppose There's Nothing I Can Do

Work.

Work, work, work, work, work.


But fun work.

(Meh. Never mind. Too muddy. Blech.)

Hey, Here I am; I Hear the Universe Sing, the Celestial Scream; I Am Not Alone, Are You Receiving Me Clear, There is Others Out Here

I love the searches that find me. My current favorite is "ghetto jugs." I mean, seriously, how could you not love that?

Last night Aaron and I were watching Saturday Night Live (one of our favorite shows). It was last Saturday's episode of the season's best skits and then this came on...



... and Aaron proclaimed, "Now I know what to get you for Mother's Day!"

Gotta love the family budget. Hmph.

Speaking of the family budget, I managed to ween Darwin off his $380-a-month neocate habit and onto a $68-a-month rice milk habit.

Maybe this means we'll be able to not live in a van down by the river.



Score.

Tuckie says, "Wassup?"

Today we are expecting more pop-up thunderstorms intermediate with insanity.

Swallow All Your Tears My Love, Put On Your New Face

The rain here in the Kansas City are has been relentless (relentless). I shouldn't complain too much, as many of you know a town in Kansas was completely obliterated by a tornado this weekend.

In any case, the rain locally has been crazy. Our basement has had its fair share of puddles (but I know others who have had it worse) and the ground is soggy. So soggy that when I step off the concrete my shoes smoosh into the ground and I lose my balance.

The rain let up today, just long enough for me dash outside. The garden is a complete mess, and there's tons of work to do. But it's been brought to my attention that my ho needs her crack, so here you go...

miniature iris

ornamental grass

peonies

elephant ears

aliums

volunteer daisy

I, I've Been Watching You, I Think I Wanna Know Ya (Know Ya)

Whilst golfing Saturday, my dad* noticed something scurrying around in the grass, just a few yards way from a lawnmower.

He bent down, picked it up and found...


... a baby turtle.


And when I say baby, I mean baby.


After doing a ton of research, we figured out it is a Western Painted Turtle. We now know what he likes to eat (earthworms, bits of dandelion and romaine lettuce, grapes, insect larvae, etc.), what conditions he likes (plenty of water to swim in, with lots of hiding places and a nice flat rock to dry out on) and a firm understanding in the family that if he's not happy, then he will be released into his natural habitat.


Tuckie the Turtle Lord would like you get out of his grill already.

* Just so no one gets all high and mighty: Tuckie was caught at a golf course in Missouri; from two hours of research on laws in Missouri, I can confidently say there are no laws prohibiting the capture of Western Painted Turtles in that state. Booyah.

It's Getting Rough, Off the Cuff I've Got to Say Enough's Enough

It has been raining here all week and I love it.

But now, now, now it is suppose to rain this weekend too... which means we might have to put off a bunch of gardening shit because the ground is sopping wet.

It's like the entire yard needs to be rung out and air dried. Grrrrr...

Don't mess with my dandy lion blowin', Mama.

Looking at kiddie porn (Lego catalog) is exhausting.

I SWEAR TO GODDESS: I will not break my foot this year and will have a plentiful, beautiful garden, damn it.