(Answering the phone), "Hey Dad, what's up?"
(Talking about his business), "... so I'm going to need to keep the phone on my at all times and charged."
"Well, I keep mine in my pocket and I have it set on ring and vibrate. So if the kids are being really loud, I can still feel it ringing."
"Does it give you orgasms too?"
"Dad, I don't know what kind of pants you wear, but my pockets are on my outer thighs."