Soaring Higher with Every Treason

Ya'll are funny. The saga's not over, hell we just completed four days. Four days of 24.

Having two Lego Advent calendars rock. And the story line literally writes itself.

Yesterday I made me some cupcakes, mainly because I have to maintain my fat ass somehow and cupcakes are my preferred method of fat assery.


Mmmmmmm... that would be a gluten-free white chocolate cupcake with peppermint cream cheese frosting.

Don't look at me like that, it was really good. In fact, I do believe I may need another.

And due to the fact that Gwendolyn and I are having a sort of cupcake competition, I'll finally be posting on my new recipe blog (but, you know, without any fancy pants banner or slight resemblance of organization) soonish. This is my first entry. But, um, errr, we still need to make the rules to the cupcake competition and I still need to type up my recipe.

Why, yes, yes I am a fucking slacker. Thank you for noticing.

Speaking of slackering, look what I got from Sadira...


She expects me to glitter these. Are you fucking kidding me? I can't glitter over that awesomeness, no way.

And I received my tags'n'swags swap from Tamy...

::swoon::

... are those not the cutest? Seriously. Love them all.

And now for our next installment of Laura Has Two Crazy Fucked-Up Lego Advent Calendars....


"Here you go, miss. It would be best for you to stay behind the safety line."

"Sparkles! Sparkles!"

"Miss?"

"My little pussy-wussy! Sparkles!"


"Meow?"

"Oh, Sparkles! You're safe!"


"Here you go, little kitty-kitty. You look hungry."

"Why, thank you... um..."

"JimBob. My name's JimBob."

"Oh, well thank you, JimBob..."


"Mwahahahahaha, mwahahahahha..."

"That BASTARD! Go get'em, Sparkles!"

"Hhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssssssssssssss"


"Mer-ow!"

"Aarrrggghhhh! Help me! Help me!"

The Plan Was We Would Share This Feeling Just Between Ourselves

"On no! The flames are getting higher!"


"Mwhahaha, mwahahahaha! The roof! The roof is on fire! We don't need no water let the mother fucker burn, BURN MOTHERFUCKER, BURN! Mwhahahahaha...."


"Oh no! Where's my wand? Shit! I need to get my essentials!"


"Ack! The flames! They are everywhere!"


"Hey, Slasher, how's it hanging?"

"Pretty good, JimBob. Haha, dude I tell you what, it has been a day..."

"Slasher! That house is on fire!"

"I know, I was just getting to that..."


"Hold on miss! I'll save you!"


"Oh! My hero!"

Oh Girl, it's a Cold World When You Keep it All to Yourself

"Eighty-four, 85, 86, 87..."


"Oh, HELLZ NO. That fucker set my house on fire!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh my gawd. You gotta love the fucked-up Lego Advent calendars, right?

Both boys are sick and watching Pixar movies back to back. There's a reason why I was born in the day and age of air conditioning and dvds. I don't think I would have survived otherwise.

Sometimes Love Can be Mistaken for a Crime

The next morning...


Oh, I love being a magical fairy. Being a magical fairy totally rocks. It's so awes-

"Mmmm! Mmmm! Mmmm!"

::sigh::



"What do you want?"

"Mmmm! Mmmm! Mmmm!"

::sigh:: "Okay. Are you going to behave this time?"

"Mmmm! MmmMmmm!"

"Okay, then. I'm going to hold you to it..."

POOF!

"Jesus hopping on a pogostick Christ. Fuck, lady..."

"Ah, ah, ah-h... think before you speak..."

"Right. My apologies. If you don't mind, I'm just gonna pack up and go..."

"Who's the boss?"

"Um, you are?"

"Yes. You may go. But remember: I'll be watching you."


"Roger, Roger, this is Slasher. I've got a bit of a situation on my hands..."

Both of Us Searching for Some Perfect World We Know We'll Never Find

"Well, hello there."


"Hap-hap-happy holidays everyone! The season has officially begu-"


"May I help you with something? Who are you?"

"Hello. I'm Magically Fairy Holly. It's such an honor to be here." ::giggle::

"Miss, are you lost? Not to be a jerk or anything, but you're on my turf here missy..."

"Oh," ::giggle:: "I am? I do believe I was invited..."


"Look here, little lady. I will fucking cut you. You understand Miss Silver Lips? I will cut you I swear to God, so you just back your little self up an-"


POOF!

::giggle:: "The first rule of the holiday season is don't fuck with the bitch holding a wand."

Well I Threw Up My Hands! And I Heard, "Amen!"

Oh my hell. NapBloPoMo is over. It's over.

And now we can look forward to this...


Fuck yeah. Two Lego advent calendars.

(And slap me silly, I did a craft with the kids too.)

Oh, I'm Gettin' Nuttin' for Christmas

The saga began two years ago when someone didn't put anything in my stocking. Last year Aaron proclaimed he wasn't doing anything for Christmas, so I took care of my own stocking. Then he got pissed at me for not buying myself presents and thought I did it to purposely make him look like an ass.

Because not buying myself presents makes him look like an ass.

So after the second Christmas fiasco, Aaron decided to write this on the calendar...


Last night he bitched about not having my list yet (it's STILL FUCKING NOVEMBER) so in my 11 p.m. sleepiness I scratched this out....


AND HE TOOK OFFENSE.

"Well, ::huff:: if I have to buy you one present I might as well buy them all. And I don't want to do that."

Oh, woe is you. Would you like me to powder your pampered ass?

Seriously, I know, this is ridiculous. I am very fortunate that my biggest problem with my husband is that he doesn't like to go shopping for others.

But, what? I'm not worth the effort? I'm not worth your time?

This whole fiasco is making me feel very insignificant.

So this morning I told Aaron to give that back to me. Fuck it. I'll do it myself. It's really not worth fighting over. And do you know what he did? HE THREW A HISSY FIT.

"Oh, no. I'll do your shopping. And you'll just have to deal with what I give you [nevermind I've made a fucking list of ideas and it is SITTING ON THE TABLE, BUT WHATEVER] and if you don't get anything you want that's your problem."

And then he literally stomped out of the house.

I fucking hate the holidays.

Now I'm with You Baby, the Loneliness is Over

I'm guessing it would be bad to call them my new best friends?


It may not be a completely hand-crafted holiday, but I'm gonna work on it.

Ha, Ha, Woman it's a Cryin' Shame, But You Ain't Got Nobody Else to Blame

I got this spiffy magnet cloth to clean the computer screen and whilst I was cleaning I wiped everywhere and all of the sudden the internets didn't work.

I ran down to the basement (because, you know, I don't know a better place to keep all the internets equipment other than in the basement next to the favoritist place for the basement to flood with the power strip set precariously on top of a shoe box; okay, actually I do know a better place but that would require Aaron relinquishing the "cave" and getting rid of his hoarding issues and that shit ain't happening) (in my sever frenzy, I just said "ain't" and I DON'T SAY AIN'T) to reboot the basement computer, ran upstairs and the internets didn't work still.

Half an hour of rebooting, rebooting, turning power cords off and rebooting later, I realize I swiped my wireless button clean and turned the internets off.

Good God, it's amazing the Universe trusted me with children.

I Want to Hang You Up On My Wall Like a Crucifix

It's probably really pathetic how getting a new roasting pan has sent me over the moon in delirious happiness.


But come on, it was also fifty percent off and not purchased on Black Friday.

So my soul is redeemed, right?