Love Can't Settle Down, Still You're Spinning Round, Gonna Fall Off the World Any Day

Both boys are still running fevers. Darwin still has, you know, what-I-said-before.

I've got all my material cut...


... and I need to go buy more. Hmph. Why do projects always have to cost money and time?

(And no, this isn't something that was meant to be patriotic; I just think of these colors during the hot-drag-out-days-of-summer. Ooooooh, I bet there's a hint in there.)

What? What's that you say? You think this project is just to give me some more time to procrastinate on the cookbook? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ahem. I don't know what you're talking about.

I Will Be Your, I Will Be Your, I'll Be Your ROCKET, Yeah! Satellite of Love

Oy, what a weekend.

We agreed on a theme for Darwin's birthday, with lots of help from him...


Rockets! Yeah! (Ooooh, and be very impressed with my mad photo-editing-in-paint skills.)

Those freakin' things took quite a while. The rockets were hand-cut from scrapbooking paper made by Basic Grey. The invites were printed on the laser printer and mounted onto dark blue cardstock.

I used a new tape runner made by scotch (because it was half the price of Dotto, which is what I normally use -- and I use the removable and needed permanent for these), and I totally Was Not Happy with the results of the scotch. It was very gummy and not precise, so when I use it all the package will go in the trash and I'll get another Dotto -- one for permanent adhesive and one for removable adhesive.

Yes, I know, I'm crazy. I could have just purchased prepackaged party supplies, but I'm insane.

My best friend, who now lives over 700 miles away from me, came to town for part of the weekend. Unfortunately, her baby was not feeling so well so our visit was cut short.

But he's still as cute as a button, doncha think?


I got my package shipped off for the trim swap this morning, and I even have a teaser...

My package was shipped off to someone in England, and I'm quite nervous. I hope the person I got likes what I got her (the swap is a round robin, and full of surprises!). Hopefully, she'll receive her package in the next week and I'll post then.

So, I have a cockamaney idea to make something with these...


Can you guess what I'm going to make? (Ha! If I ever get a chance to make it, that is!)

Aaron left this morning for a big ole business trip. He is gone at least until June 9th (June 9th, I am so totally screwed). As an added bonus, both boys are running fevers, Griffin pee'd on the couch while taking a surprise nap and Darwin has explosive diarrhea.

Really, you should be Quite Jealous.

Hace Calor, Mucho Calor; Could Fry an Egg on the Cement it's So Caliente!

I took the boys out to the Deanna Rose farmstead this morning to play with some friends, and oy. Unlike some friends, I am not a summer person. And it's not even summer yet. I'm such a delicate, little flower like that.

Anyway, gratuitous children photos! Looking at animals in too-small pens! (And yes, everytime I go there I feel awful, simply awful. But it is free, and makes my children run and get fresh air and sunshine and all those things that good mothers are suppose to give their children.)

Buffalos!

Butterfly garden! With multi-colored stepping stones that Darwin played on for 15 minutes and cried when I made him get off!

Griffin pondering why the bald eagle has such a small home.

Baby goats!

Last night I took my scrapbook page to the scrapbook store. When I handed it to the employee (the same one that helped bully me into doing it), she acted excited and ooooooo'd and then said, "Is this just one page?"

"Yes..."

"Oh, most people do two pages."

"Well, that wasn't a rule."

So then she called the owner of the store. Ohmygawd, are you serious? The owner was fine with it, but the worker was acting kinda miffed. And then I looked at the five submissions other people have turned in...

... from across the room they looked like trash. Seriously. And that is SO COMPLETELY MEAN OF ME AND I'M VERY SORRY. Up close, they were very detailed. Lots of layers, lots of ink, lots of distressing and I started laughing. I don't like to spend a lot of time scrapbooking a single page. Additionally, I like the photos to tell the story, not the embellishments. And I'm all about clean lines and LOOKING GOOD ACROSS THE ROOM.

So now I'm completely convinced there's no chance I'm gonna win, but whatever. It was interesting to do. And I'm very interested to see who they choose as the winners and display in the store for months, high up on the ceiling where you have to look at them from at least eight feet away.

And to answer a couple of questions, nope this is the first time I've used a song lyric as a scrapbook page title. For those letters I used my quickutz -- specifically the olivia font. I also have the khaki uppercase and CK handprint fonts. After I cut out the letters, I run them through a xyron machine. I will say that quickutz is spendy, a complete pain in the ass to use, it takes forever BUT the end results are totally worth it (and I'm convinced that the start-up costs will make it economical if I use it for almost all my major lettering needs).

Okay, I'm off to go clean the house for the rest of the day... my best friend is coming to town all the way from Wisconsin tomorrow for part of the weekend. I am SO EXCITED!

How Sweet it is to be Loved by You

Remember when I bought some fugly scrapbook supplies for a competition and I was completely freaking out?

Well, here's what I did with 'em...


I've been mulling it around in my mind for weeks. It didn't take too long to do (if you minus out all the child-reactive time I had to do). And I put clarification on the back because we had to use at least one aspect of every element in the packet.

Good gravy, I'm glad that's done.

De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da, Is All I Want to Say To You

"Ta-da! Look Mommy! I have my swim trunks on!"

"Ta-da!"

::huge eyes:: "Um, Mommy? That's a Really Big Swimsuit..."

"Um... Do I look nice?"

"Um, yeah. But that's a Really, REALLY BIG Swimsuit."

Workin' Too Hard Can Give Me a Heart Attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack

It is barely after Noon, and already I have gone to the gym! Made a grocery list! Gone to Whole Foods! Made breakfast and lunch! And have talked! with! lots! of! exclamation! points!

It must be the endorphins.


Not even two years old, and already my baby has been in a shuffle over his cocaine addiction.

(Oh, please, that's not cocaine -- it's formula. Neocate formula. And it's more expensive than blow anyway.)

Last night for dinner, I made my famous pumpkin pasta -- one of the recipes that is definitely going in the cookbook...


... except I had to make it with frozen pureed winter squash, because Whole Foods is under the impression that people don't eat pumpkin through out the year.

Tonight, I will be working to perfect Aaron's Proclaimed Greens'n'Beans Soup. I don't know what's going on with his appetite, requesting two cold-weather dinners when we're hitting 90 degrees.

I vacuumed the baking soda out of the buffet, but it still stinks. So we moved it outside and I sprayed 381 bottles of febreze in it....


... and then moved it to the garage because it is still stink-kay.

So, we just realized this weekend that we are having Darwin's birthday party in a few weeks, and what in tarnation are we gonna do? I found some material that I like for inspiration, but I can't quite decide. Also, Aaron's going on a two-week business trip next week (so be prepared for demented Laura), and can I really get everything handmade and ready for the party if Aaron is gone the entire time?

Help, me internet, help me! (oh crap, another exclamation point)

Show Me 'Round Your Fruitcage, 'Cause I Will be Your Honey Bee

There is a Really Good Reason why I didn't post yesterday. I spent four hours (4!) working in the yard yesterday. And I have proof...


Sometimes, I think apartment living would be so much easier.

Who makes the ridiculous decision to write this...


Is it the Red Hot Chili Peppers' doing or the people that are responsible for the closed captioning? Because, seriously, it cracks me up.

A picture can say a thousand words. This one says so many...


1. Someone is a slacker mom for letting this happen.
2. Somone else cannot yet be trusted with being a good lookout.
3. A third someone has a slight (slight! ha!) band-aid obsession.

And now... gratuitous garden photos! Because I'm scatterbrained! And I need to go pack a picnic lunch and ohmygawd, what do I pack for a picnic lunch?!

Hey, How Long Till the Music Drowns You Out?

Urgh.

Ever have one of those day where you look around your house and think, shit, I've got nothin' done today?

Oh, you haven't? Yeah. Me neither.

I got up to date on my blog reading. Because we all know how important that is. And I did some research on copyright laws for recipes. Which, let me tell ya, is quite fun and exciting. Really, why more people don't try to decipher copywriting laws is beyond me. Oh, and I folded and put away towels. And I finally took the tags off some summer clothes for the boys that I purchased three weeks ago. Haven't washed them yet though. And I ran a load of dishes. Oh -- I called in a prescription refill and made haircut appointments. And I said, "Get you hand out of my ass crack," at least 25 times.

Yeah, I'm rockin' this stay at home mom thing.

Aren't you glad you stopped by? My life is so exciting today.

I'm In a Hurry to Get Things Done, (Oh) I Rush and Rush Until Life's No Fun

So, the computer came so I can now write the cookbook.


Crap. Now I'm actually expected to write the damn thing. Oh, fuck, what did I get myself into? It's not like I don't already have a bazillion and one things to do in a day. Internet, what were you thinking, supporting me in such a ridiculous idea?

But now the boys are totally screwed, as I can now work upstairs and keep a constant eye and ear on their demonic hineys. Mwahahahahahahaha.

And just so we are All Clear, I did not pick my computer based on the pretty blue lights. No, not at all. I don't know why you'd have such a silly idea anyway. Additionally, I am not using it as a glorified radio, despite the fact that it is constantly streaming music and the boys are currently dancing to said music.

Yesterday was Mother's Day, and it was exactly what I needed. I've been a Debbie Downer lately, totally overwhelmed with life and all the damn little details. It was nice to have a day were I didn't have to do jack unless I wanted to.

The day started with watering the garden...


Apparently, I haven't been watering Griffin enough to help him grow. He told me I was "slacking."

It continued with running errands for the family All By Myself, making guacamole for lunch and forcing Aaron to make dinner.

The haute couture of Mother's Day gift wrapping is decorated brown paper bags (so pretty, so when I hyperventilate next I'll be doing it in style). Didn't you get the memo?


And I received lots of beautiful art projects...


... Including paper towel art.


I had to purchase my own Mother's Day gifts from the boys, which annoyed (and continues to annoy) the hell out of me, but I did do a good job...


Griffin got me a robot charm for my charm bracelet.


And Darwin got me a garden gnome charm for my charm bracelet.


Aaron got me a gift ALL BY HIMSELF, my favorite warm-weather candle (I have a favorite cold-weather candle as well, because different seasons call for different scents).

So, all in all a pretty good day.

Whatever Tomorrow Brings, I'll Be There - With Open Arms and Open Eyes, Yeah

Anytime I have a problem in my life, I make jokes about it. And I laugh at improper moments because that's how I deal with stressful situations. Because if you can't find my life funny, can't find the humor in it all, then you need to go get your head examined.

So, yeah, I've called Darwin a one-eyed cretin; I've complained about his food allergies (and that was before we got the comprehensive test with more than 250 items and he was allergic to all of them); I've cried over Griffin's behavior before he was diagnosed this past fall.

I don't talk about it much, but Griffin has Sensory Integration Disorder. It basically means he doesn't process touch, sounds, smells, etc. the way he should. Having a diagnoses has been great in helping us understand him and interacting with him. Yes, it is still difficult and we all have our moments of not coping, but knowing what's going on is a big help.

Griffin's Occupational Therapist keeps pushingpushingpushing us to get him evaluated for autism. And "autism" is a difficult word to process when someone is using it to describe your child.

By no means is Griffin autistic in the sense that a lot of kids are -- he interacts, he loves to be held, I can get him to calm down and sometimes I can even reason with him.

Regardless if Griffin his "high-functioning autistic" like his OT thinks he is (and she claims that he has the intelligence/reasoning abilities of a nine year old, but the body control of a two year old and she thinks his IQ is "off the charts"), he is by no means your standard-issue child.

At four years old, other kids don't "get" him. They have a hard time interacting with him, as do a lot of adults and even family members.

It's hard. It's heartbreaking.

And all this helps explain why I spent six hours making him this today...

Fighting the Battle of Who Could Care Less

Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently:

1. Our insurance is incompetent
2. So is their phone system
3. Both boys have fevers
4. Darwin likes to be held when he has a fever
5. I'm batshit crazy due to 1, 2, 3 and 4

Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap

Today is scrub the house day! Because Goddess only knows why a three foot greasy spot appears in the dining room floor, but it is the signal for a good scrubbin'!

Seriously, there is nothing more glamorous than cleaning house. Why more people aren't stay at home moms with thousands of dollars in medical debt is beyond me.

And in order to seductively clean the toilets in remote peace, I've had to indulge the children in their Star Wars obsession.

On a side note... how fucking dumb are the storm troopers, anyway? C3PO is all, "I need to take this droid down to maintenance," and the storm trooper is all, "okay." Dude, does either of those robots look like they belong to the Republic? Hell to tha no. The have the plans to destroy the dreaded Death Star in them and you're just letting them go because they are droids? Puh. Leaze.

I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during one of those job interviews...

Darth Sidious: So, Bobby, tell me a little something about yourself.
Bobby: Well, sir, I love to shoot laser guns. And I can guarantee that upon my death I can flamboyantly throw my pistol in the air, jump four feet up and land on my back in an attempt to prove how much I love the Republic.
Darth Sidious: Bobby, what do you think of my outfit?
Bobby: Well, sir, black is definitely your color. And the red mascara highlights the evil in your eyes.
Darth Sidious: You're hired, Bobby! You will now be referred to as Storm Trooper 34,892.
Storm Trooper 34,892: Thank you, sir!

And before anyone gets all up in my grill thinkin' that all the storm troopers are still clones of Jango Fett -- they are not. By Episode IV, they are members of the Republic raised in a generation to love and fear Chancellor Palpatine.

What? You didn't know I was a nerd?

Let the Good Times Roll

So, Darwin and I were at Whole Foods today and he was all in his happy baby mode, smiling and waving to everyone. I'm at the check-out lane, loading all the groceries on the conveyer belt and then this happens...

(Darwin's Internal Dialogue)

Hmmm... What's that on the shelf? Hiding behind those containers? Hmmm, I've never seen one of these before. Hmmm, smells like food. I'll take a bite. Oh, heavenly nectar of the gods, what is this? This is divine. This is the most delicious thing I have ever tasted in my life. Un-oh, better hide it from Money... oh, shit! She sees it! No! Don't take it! Argh! Get your finger out of my mouth! Waaaaaaaaahhhhh! Give it back! I don't give a flying fuck if I am allergic! What did you call it? A cookie? "COOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKEEEEEE!!!" I want it back! Get! Your! Fingers! Out! Of! My! Mouth! Fuck the oats! Fuck the wheat! Fuck the dairy! Fuck the eggs! I want that cookie back, bitch! Oh, what's this, this is interesting... you called it ice water? Ooooooohhhhh... ice water. This is nice too....

When the World Never Seems to be Livin' Up to Your Dreams

Why must the weekends fly by so quickly? Why must I be allergic to everything (including Sno-caps. Damn you Sno-caps!)

Anyway, our weekend started out like this...


And then we discovered this...


Aphids on the rose bushes. Fuckin' aphids.

So then we went and bought some of these...


Who then gobbled up the aphids...


... and liked me way too much...


Did you know ladybugs bite? And, yeah, it kinda hurts!

Then yesterday the front yard started out looking like this...


... and then looked like this...


... and finally this...


... and, yes, that took all damn day. And I'm sore.

Don't Start No Stuff When You're All Jacked Up

So I'm making dinner, and I decide to make Aaron stop and get tequila (and of course I did research on it to make sure tequila is gluten-free. Duh) and some frozen strawberries on his way so I can make margaritas. I printed off about ten recipes today and figured I can just make one my own (which is totally how I operate).

Anyway, Aaron come home and I mix up a batch before dinner is fully done. After two sips I STAB MYSELF IN MY HAND.


Aaron knows where this story is going and is laughing his ass off.

Anyway, half way into dinner Aaron looks at me and says, "You're all splochy."


Shit.

Turns out I'm allergic to something. Tequila? Maybe the Cointreau? Maybe a seasoning in dinner that was suppose to be gluten free?

Who fucking knows.


All I know is this much...


... fuck!

And that was a damn good margarita, too.

My Future's So Bright... I Gotta Wear Shades

Griffin "graduated" from Speech classes today.


Yes, I cried. I'm so proud of him.

He loves speech class. Of all his activities, it is his favorite. But, being the smart little whipper snapper he is, he caught on quickly and got all of his language skills caught up. He still doesn't sound perfect, but he's not suppose to (you're not suppose to have all your sounds until you are eight or nine).

I can't believe speech classes are over.

Sigh.

Yesterday I got No Crafting Done. Unless you count the over two hours it took me to make a new recipe for dinner.

Does that count?

Anyway, I've been hittin' it hard today...


I got out the supplies I purchased at the Creating Keepsakes Convention and I've been covering the little wood album with paper made by Sweetwater.


I love this paper, it is very pretty... but I'm getting REALLY PISSED OFF AT IT.

Perhaps the pissiness has something to do with the dyes bleeding when it gets wet with the modge podge. Or maybe it has something to do with it bubbling up when I seal it with the modge podge. In any case, it is making me mad.

But it sure is purty.

I'll post completed photos of the covering soon. I'm gonna use this mini-album to chronicle all my craft projects this year.

Ain't Nothing Gonna Break My Stride, Ain't Nothing Gonna Hold Me Down; Oh No, I've Got to Keep on Moving

The rain has stopped! But only for a moment. And super-cloudy days are The Best Days to Take Pictures...


The knockout roses in the front yard.


Do you see how much work I have to do? Cool the rain for a few days, Mother Nature!


The sage is flowering.


As is one miniature iris.


The peonies are considering flowering. But not yet.


Don't know what this is, it is really small and it's not coming back as full as it use to be (uh-oh).


The alliums are blooming. Every year the blooms are getting smaller. I'm thinking this has something to do with the fact that we don't fertilize the gardens. Hell, they're lucky if we water them a little in the droughts.


Heirloom rose. This damn plant is growing in the middle of a pathway. Drives. Me. Crazy.


Eh, same alliums, different angle (oh, goddess, the weeds. The weeds!).



Best. Picture. Of. The. Day.


Yeah, yeah, same alliums. That's all that is blooming right now.

So, last night after going to the chiropractor I stopped at a scrapbook store close by and picked up some stock...


This is what my normal stuff looks like -- loud, bright, playful.

Well, they are having a competition. And I got peer-pressured into participating...


What. The. Fuck. Was. I. Thinking?

Did I suffer from some brain damage from my seizures? Why, why, why did I buy the package and agree to do the competition? WHY? WHAT WAS I THINKING INTERNET? WHAT?

And don't tell me, "Stepping out of your norm is good for you, you'll expand your horizons and blah, blah, blah."

And, no, I haven't made anything yet today. But I have nine hours left. I'll make somethin', damn it.