Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap

Today is scrub the house day! Because Goddess only knows why a three foot greasy spot appears in the dining room floor, but it is the signal for a good scrubbin'!

Seriously, there is nothing more glamorous than cleaning house. Why more people aren't stay at home moms with thousands of dollars in medical debt is beyond me.

And in order to seductively clean the toilets in remote peace, I've had to indulge the children in their Star Wars obsession.

On a side note... how fucking dumb are the storm troopers, anyway? C3PO is all, "I need to take this droid down to maintenance," and the storm trooper is all, "okay." Dude, does either of those robots look like they belong to the Republic? Hell to tha no. The have the plans to destroy the dreaded Death Star in them and you're just letting them go because they are droids? Puh. Leaze.

I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during one of those job interviews...

Darth Sidious: So, Bobby, tell me a little something about yourself.
Bobby: Well, sir, I love to shoot laser guns. And I can guarantee that upon my death I can flamboyantly throw my pistol in the air, jump four feet up and land on my back in an attempt to prove how much I love the Republic.
Darth Sidious: Bobby, what do you think of my outfit?
Bobby: Well, sir, black is definitely your color. And the red mascara highlights the evil in your eyes.
Darth Sidious: You're hired, Bobby! You will now be referred to as Storm Trooper 34,892.
Storm Trooper 34,892: Thank you, sir!

And before anyone gets all up in my grill thinkin' that all the storm troopers are still clones of Jango Fett -- they are not. By Episode IV, they are members of the Republic raised in a generation to love and fear Chancellor Palpatine.

What? You didn't know I was a nerd?

10 comments:

Seth said...

Cool blog! I like that someone else uses song lyrics as titles. Good luck with the scrubbin.

Alicia A. said...

Another male reader?!?!

I always knew you were a nerd, but for completely different reasons. It takes one to know one! :)

Have fun scrubbin'!

Amy said...

Um, I was going to say - sounds like some else in the family has a Star Wars fixation... or did, at least.

And for the record, I am tackling the refrigerator today (and not William Perry) Such glamour!

Angela said...

Well we do now. heh.
Was the obsession yours before the boys? An old boyfriend of mine made me watch them all. If you had been a fly on the wall would you have had to have been a droid fly? or some bionic fly?a storm trooper fly? not just your average house fly, right?
*note- must find red mascara for proper evil mommy mode.

Tom said...

that's weird you're cleaning the bathroom today, cuz I had a dream last night that Rosie O'Donnell came over to watch movies, but I couldn't let her use the bathroom because it was dirty. I think it was a sign from god or someone to clean my damn bathroom.....

Oh, and i Looooove the job interview sequence. Made me laugh.

hannah said...

ok. so yeah, maybe a tad nerdy, but the real question is are you a loyalist to ALL the episodes or a purist???

i swear you keep doing all this talking about gardening and cleaning and i really will make you some sort of monetary offer. watch it lady...

Bitterbetty said...

HA.
You and my little sister know far too much about the Empire..
I, however could take you on a guided tour of Middle Earth that would knock your socks off.

Logtar said...

One thing is being a nerd, another one is being a StarWars Nerd... and something completely different is being a knowledgeable StarWars nerd. Btw, you were warned sir!

kristi said...

I think Bobby probably got that job because of family connections. You know that cronyism always runs rampant in those evil empires, right? The bigger and more evil the empire gets, the more incompetent the cronies get (which is why good sometimes eventually prevails).

I gotta do some scrubbin' today too. The glamorousness of my life is hard to take sometimes....

bessilu said...

Ok, I made my husband read this because it was too funny and we both secretly love Star Wars.