Thursday, November 15, 2007

Never at a Loss of Words She Pulls Out of the Blue

I just changed a massive poopy diaper. It was rather horrible. I tired to convince Griffin to change it, but he's under the impression that that's not really a big brother job. Damn.

I went to Whole Foods today and ordered our turkey for Thanksgiving. I also bought three pounds of Mild Italian Pork Sausage because they haven't had it in the store for over a month and I guess I had the feeling I needed to stock up. Like a chipmunk. Or something.

I'm in the midst of planning our Thanksgiving menu. My father is apparently regressing into a Desire of Re-Living a Shitty Childhood because he actually asked for Stove Top stuffing, canned green beans to be mixed with canned corn, canned yams in syrup warmed up and canned cranberry shit to be sliced in round disks. I'm very concerned about his mental well-being.

I paid an Actual Bill today from Actual Money I Earned Working a Real Job. It was a bittersweet moment and I really would have rather purchased myself a digital SLR camera but oh well, I'm an adult and being adult can really suck ass like that.

This morning I received two emails from people inquiring about eating gluten-free. Which really should motivate me to launch the new cooking site. I have this feeling I need to put a picture of myself in my first post and I'm really not in the mood to take a picture of myself. I've gained about three pounds in the past week (gluten-free devils food cupcakes with dark chocolate buttercream will do that, I suppose; although I really don't think it's fair) and that equated to four additional chins.

Have I mentioned that Darwin's a Really Good Pooper? I've changed four of those today and he now has a fifth waiting for me. He refuses to potty train and proclaims diapers are His Favoritist Thing in the Whole Wide World and that equates to me being Royally Fucked.

11 comments:

Mary said...

One of the perks of having two kids who are 14 and 12 years older than their sister is that they can change diapers. And did frequently -- much more frequently than they would have liked. Even now that she's potty trained, she will insist on one of her big brothers taking her to the bathroom instead of Mommy.

LauraJ said...

Well at least the Turkey is ordered.

kristi said...

Canned green beans? Nastiness. But I guess it must be comfort food for him. I've got to start doing Thanksgiving shopping myself. Though since Mike always wants to cook the holiday dinners, I don't know what to buy yet.

Chickenbells said...

Tell the boy...everyone needs to pitch in to help around the house...cause' SANTA IS WATCHING!

Oh...horrible foods from the dad list...could it be that he is upset you haven't hemmed his pants yet? But, is it really as drastic as cranberry sauce from a can?

It's winter, right? I mean, if you haven't gathered your nuts yet (he he) then I think it's fine to gather your sausage...mmmmm....

I am too excited for the new site!

Green Kitchen said...

I finally bribed my 3 3/4 year old to get him to stop using the diaper for pooping. He'd go all day until he'd scream, "Put a diaper on me." We had many discussions that didn't work -- the candy did. I tried bribery earlier and it didn't work. At a certain point it just became so disgusting that I told him so. It was especially gross compared to his new brother. I let him have his diapers until the new baby era settled a bit. Didn't want to give him too many complexes at one time. Good luck!

Abby said...

Maybe your dad is like my dad and husband. They would be happy if every meal included green beans and stovetop.

I meant to email you the other day and ask what is a safety seat and when did that concept come about?

capello said...

safety seat is at griffin's elementary school. i think of it as a time out chair but the principal claims it's not and that kids can send themselves to the safety seat. it's kinda separated from the group and removes kids from the main situation.

Wendy said...

Did you know that you can special order sausages at Whole Foods. Just call and let them know what you want and they'll call you when it's ready.

They told me that the last time I went for chorizo and they were out. I LOVE their chorizo.

Kim - ScrapToMyLu said...

WOW! Your check must have been a good one! Yea you!
I told Lucas he would have to start helping me clean up his poopy diapers...I had him smell it, touch it, wipe his bottom...that was his last one.
Maybe it would work for you?.....I mean Darwin. :)

heatherfeather said...

speaking of your cooking? so last weekend? you see, i made your potato soup?

and holy flaming nads (not mine), it was delicious.

no question mark required for that part.

Renee said...

Just when I think John is done pooping in his diaper, I put his nighttime one on and BOOM, he poops. I hate that.