Monday, November 05, 2007

A Golden Bird That Flies Away, A Candle's Fickle Flame

I'm completely fucking out of my mind.

For some reason, I decided a month ago it would be a good idea to purchase some spring bulbs on a whim.

Good ideas on a whim are never actually good ideas.

So yesterday I had to act on that supposed good idea and plant 50 daffodils and 60 grape hyacinths yesterday. Which, of course, also required me taking the children with me (by. my. self. oh. my hell.) to the garden center to purchase ten 40-pound bags of top soil, load it onto a cart and into the van (again, with the By. My. Self. Ness. Oh. My. Hell.). Aaron lugged it to the backyard for me (yes, sometimes he can be Very Useful) (barely) but he just dumped it in the middle of the patio. Then I had to distribute said 400 pounds of soil in the garden bed (wash away is a bitch) and then move 120 gallons of leaves from other areas in the yard to cover the freshly planted bed.


For that much work, it should look like a fucking Monet. Instead it looks like messy autumn leaves.

Other pictures from the garden:


The "triangle" where all the motherfucking echinacea grow. I really fucking hate echinacea, but the birds love to eat the seeds in the winter, and that happens just outside the eating area's window, where of course all the boys like to watch the fucking birds all winter so I? Have to let it continue to grow.

Supposedly.


Just so everyone knows: no. Roses do not grow tomatoes. It's called rosehips. And I'm deathly allergic. But it's kinda sorta pretty. And I get to make fun of people who gasp and ask, "how'd you get your roses to grow tomatoes?!"


And the "island." The island that won't grow shit because it's too shaded. I got a few zinnias to sprout so I need to research the Zinnia God/Goddess so I can do proper sacrifices and worship said God/Goddess all winter in hopes of better productivity next year.

Gardening's a bitch.

15 comments:

Angelina said...

But you know you love it. You have a big yard! Do you know how many square feet it is?

If you get tired of looking at the rosehips and can get Michelle to come pick them all and send them to me, that would be great. Thanks.

I never grow zinnias well but I had neighbors in California who grew about four hundred of them every year, to my great envy. Do you think they were sacrificing babies to the zinnia gods/goddesses to get such great yield?

Angelina said...

I have never before been the first one to post a comment on one of your posts. I feel very special now.

amy h said...

Oh, but that bed of bulbs will be so pretty in the spring! I always mean to plant bulbs, but never do...

I just planted some of my mom's echinacea volunteers (since mine were crushed by the city in sewer repairs). Maybe I'll regret it. But I put them in places where I really don't care if they take over.

Bitterbetty said...

Fall gardening especially is no picnic for the person who required any kind of instant gratification.. That is why I am insisting that mine fall completely to Shit.

btw I am also intending to be jealous of your "effortless" success next spring when all those darling actually sprout.

Chickenbells said...

OH, I was WAY into gardening at the other house, and was stupid enough to believe that I would be into it at this house too...yeah...my dirt patch, I mean, "grass" is lucky to get watered every once in a while...I live in the desert for heavens sake...

Hostas are great for shade...and pretty too...so are coleus, but I don't know if they can handle the cold...I can...I'll just come and stand in your yard and hold some pots of flowers...or a picture of Monet's garden...

Gale said...

I love your mother fucking garden.

kristi said...

It will look like a fucking Monet in a few months. Small consolation, I know.

How'd you find out you were allergic to rosehips? That's just bizarre.

Poppy & Mei said...

You are HILARIOUS! I'm so glad I found you...

lera said...

Dang, girl. You are sooo productive! I wish you'd come to Maryland and help me out!

Mia said...

I heart you :)

Who the hell needs a gym when there's plenty of work for us girls to do in a day :)

Dana said...

you seriously crack me up!

ash said...

Sheesh, and I thought that raking the leaves into a pile was a great accomplishment! I do love some tomato roses!

jeanette1ca said...

Throw in some begonias in the shaded area - once they get going, a little leaf mulch will keep them safe overwinter, and they'll spread out and be more beautiful every year. Pick the ones that hold their blooms up instead of hiding them in the foliage. (I like my hostas but they are just LEAVES - I need a few blooms for all the effort.)

Mary said...

You know, I've always heard of rosehips but never actually see them until now. They're kind of a freaky looking thing.

Jessica said...

You've created a new hybrid? I planted some bulbs in the spring and I was shocked and amazed that flowers actually came up. I can keep my husband and my children alive but when it comes to plants, forget it.