Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Who's That Lady Comin' Down the Road? Who's that Lady? Who's That Woman Walkin' Through My Door? What's the Score?


"... School."

"Hi, I'd like to speak to the principal please."

"Oh, he's in a meeting right now. Would you like his voicemail?"

"No, I'd like to speak to him. My son is enrolled in the half day Kindergarten program and he got a letter today stating that his classroom's school supplies is on order as well as a curriculum and I've got a question - WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Let me see if I can get a hold of him...."

"Hi, this is the principal."

"Hi, I'm Laura [official last name], my son Griffin is in half day Kindergarten..."

"Oh, hi..."

"Yeah. Got your letter in his backpack today. It didn't clear anything up."


"Yeah. And what's this about a curriculum being on order? What the hell is that about?"

"Oh, the other two teachers are sharing their curriculums until the new set comes in."

"So, you're saying my son is actually getting an education?"

"Um, yes?"

"Because to the best of my knowledge, she doesn't have anything in his classroom. Other than carpet, that is."


"Did you know the 14 children in the class stated a revolt because they only had six bottles of glue between them? Do you like have a second cousin to the Underpants Gnomes, because where the fuck is the three bottles of glue we provided you?"

"Um.... all their supplies should be in their classroom."

"Well, they are not."

"Oh... um... I thought they were?"

"You thought wrong. So, new topic: why did you split the classes up before being adequately prepared for them?"

"Because we thought it would be an easier transition now?"

"Did you just phrase that as a question?"


"Are you sure about that?"

"Well, um, four years ago the same thing happened and the school waited until the new classroom was outfitted and it was a huge disaster because by then the routines had been established and, um, it was a fiasco."

"So... you were thinking it would be less of a fiasco to stick some kids in the basement with no resources?"

"Um... I wouldn't say they have no resources..."

"You wouldn't? You sure about that?"

"Um... anyway, we thought the transition would be easier? We're working really hard on it."

"Doncha think maybe you need to pull some resources out of the other rooms?"

"Um... yes?"

"And you realize that Back to School Night is Wednesday and you're in hot water with the parents already, right?"

"Um... yes?"

"And there's been talks of lynching?"

"Um... yeah..."

"And talks of a lawsuit for discrimination?"

"Whoa, there is?"

"You do realize the only reason why I'm not completely ripping you a new one right now is because my son LOVES school and LOVES the fact that he's in the basement, right?"

"Um... now I do?"

"And the fact that he's learned to write his name shocks me and makes me happy."

"Um... great?"

"And you're gonna be Royally Fucked if that classroom isn't as nice or nicer than the other rooms by that night, right?"

"I do now."

"Yeah, you better STEP IT UP dude. You have two days before the school board is involved."


Oil Cloth Junkie said...

You rock.

Anonymous said...

Go, Laura! You're a bad ass! Kick some Principal butt!

Anonymous said...

seriously! How the hell is he this clueless?!!!

Anonymous said...

Now THAT was a can of whoop-ass. Good work.

Samantha said...

No wonder the Principal was answering in a questioning tone!

You kicked his butt!

Anonymous said...

Please, please tell me that wasn't the convo in your head while you were having another convo. Please, please tell me you really said, "Did you just phrase that as a question?" Because I think I just peed. lol.

amy h said...

:) Go! It sounds like they might listen at least. I'm glad Griffin still seems to like school despite this mess.

This is scaring me about our school district though. And we supposedly have one of the better ones in country. Hrm.

Ali said...

Tee hee - good for you!

Stephanie said...

Thata girl!!!

Anonymous said...

wow. did he know he was being recorded? :)

lera said...

Uh-oh. I hope for the principal's sake that room is finished in time. I wouldn't want to meet *you* in a dark alley. lol

Kim -today's creative blog said...

I think you should run for PTA president!

Unknown said...

You go girl!!!! God I know that feeling of run-ins with the school... Lets hope its your only one this year. Can't wait to hear how the meeting goes....

Hyena In Petticoats said...


Well done Laura!
I feel so sorry for that principal. He never had a fucking chance in a fight against you...! (not that he doesn't deserve it, of course)
Good on you!

Anonymous said...

i really hope that that is the real transcript of your conversation - hilarious!

Kristy said...

I think he gets you now!

Unknown said...

i so need you on the phone at my house - go girl!

Stacey said...

Umm... are you for hire?
Can you come and sort out my son's school? Please?
Oh, by the way I am in Melbourne so it might be an overnight trip for you - I'll make you some lunch though....
I bet that Principal hides in his office when he sees you coming.

LA said...

I'm singing Lori's song.

Anonymous said...


I bet he pooed his pants and on Weds night he'll call in ill!!

Chickenbells said...

Rock on Girl...you give this poor sucka' a FIASCO!!!

Angeleen said...

You've got some serious balls, Girl!

The world needs more moms like you!

At the risk of sounding unoriginal, you ROCK!

Amy said...

You go with your bad ass self, girl. I can't wait to hear about the Meet the Teacher night. You SO need to sneak a camera in the room and snap some shots for us.

Dana said...

Holy crap! Are you serious??????

You go girl!

Angelina said...

Oh yeah! You tell him!!

Good work with the name writing Griffin.

I wonder if we should all donate some supplies and have UNICEF drop them down to the school by helicopter?

Anonymous said...

You go girl - I discovered very early in my son's career in elem to show my face at that school as often as possible - get on that PTO board - hate the meetings, but amazing things will come your child's way when the dorky principal tries to keep you happy -

Anonymous said...

That was too fun. Call him again!!

Heidijayhawk said...

fuck yeah laura. you are my idol!

Crystal and Kaiden said...

you held back?! if that classroom doesnt look like it has every little last bit of target's back to school clearance blow out, i would throw the effing book at his ass. tear em up! get em girl!

Chara Michele said...

You seriously rock girl! I hope it gets better at that school (I would be very surprised if it doesn't at this point though).

sulu-design said...

Thank God your child doesn't attend school where I worked for the past eight years. You'd be amazed at what went on in that little school in the South Bronx.