Yesterday in the doctor's waiting area, I picked up a local free parenting magazine and flipped through it. My friend's name popped out and I quickly re-found the page.
She had written and article and got published, I was so happy for her. She's one of those people who have tons of writing projects in the works and is submitting article ideas all over the place.
The article was about stocking-up on household items and food; an important topic for people with young children. Two paragraphs into the article I read...
"It's logical to consider stocking up so I don't have to go to the store all the time with the children in tow. I know a mom who goes to the grocery store daily so her family can have the freshest ingredients. I rarely even have time to SHOWER daily."
Now let me start by saying, I HAVE DELICATE LITTLE FEELINGS. Mmmkay? And, I've been known to be very hypersensitive.
That said, what she wrote pissed me off.
First of all, she didn't even call me her friend. And yeah, that shouldn't be that much of a surprise because we haven't talked in person in over six months but still? IT STUNG.
Second of all, she makes me sound like the psycho (or at least, the NOT LOGICAL ONE) for going to the grocery store daily. Now, I don't go to the grocery store every single day, just five or six days a week. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She also failed to mention that this grocery-store-habit developed due to the fact that my refrigerator is a piece of shit. It can't hold a constant temperature for nothin' and I don't like to waste food.
But you know what? I like going to the grocery store every single day. I like the fact that Griffin, who is four, can identify at least three different apple varieties by name. He also knows how to check and pick the best ones being very careful not to pick ones with bruises. And I like the fact that Darin, who is two, knows how to pick out a good cucumber. How many people even know how to check for a good cucumber anyway? And he doesn't let you walk past the red bell pepper without letting him get at least one. And once we are over by those apples? Watch out because he's eating one now.
I'm a big fan of the whole stocking up philosophy. Toilet paper? Check. Paper towels? Check. Enough laundry detergent to take us into the next decade? Check. Frozen vegetables and fruits? Check. Enough baking supplies so I can make gluten-free quick breads by the fire of Armageddon? Check.
But wanting to grocery shop once a month (as she goes on to claim is her goal)? Hell to tha no.
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Hey...we've been known to go to the grocery more than once a day in my family...not so much for freshness, but because we keep forgetting things. And it's probably a good thing she doesn't go once a day...you know, with the whole personal hygene thing and all.
What's funny about that post is that you wrote..I noticed my friends name as she had written an article or something a bit more gramatically correct than that...oh whatever anyway...you were happy for her that she had gotten something published and then she goes and talks about you...like you said ah hell to tha no...or something like that!
If that is the only sentence in which she mentions you, I don't think she trying to make you sound psycho. She makes you sound like a concerned parent that makes good food choices for her family.
The implied part is that you must manage your time better than she does, since she can't even manage to shower every day.
If anything, she is making herself sound crappy.
I am so lucky as fruit and veg is our family business but if I had to shop for it then yes it would be every day!Fresh fruit and veg is best exactly that FRESH!!!!Just consider yourself infamous but you knew that already right?
firstly, what a rude person. i'd cross her off the festivus card list pronto.
secondly, she's apparently never been to Europe. good heavens, what does she think people do with fridges the size of radios? they're psycho, i guess.
thirdly, she obviously sucks at time management.
i stock up on lots of shit (i'm a costco slut) but fresh veggies and fruit are purchased about every other day (cause my 8 year old eats like 2 grown men, mostly, but also because i really don't mind going to market for those things. and you're so right, learning opps abound at the grocery store. your kids are little gourmands, or on their way to becoming so)
She couldn't refer to you as a friend in the article because that would make her look bad--as if she were talking badly about her friend--which she kind of was, so not quite sure what kind of friend that makes her. Hmmmm. But who cares what she said, anyway? I don't think that makes you look bad at all. I go food shopping pretty much everyday myself and don't think anything of it.
So, did you call her up to confront her yet?!
For what it's worth, I read it as aa "I know this supermom - how on earth does she do it" comment.
And I probably shop daily too if that helps soothe your delicate little feelings ;)
It kind of sounded like she wished she could do what you do, but isn't good at managing her time.
We go to the store 1-2 times a week (usually 2), and would probably go more if we didn't eat out two nights a week. I can't even imagine going once a month. Ick.
Oh, THAT friend. :) I wouldn't worry about it ... she just needed some faceless someone to stick into her article for contrast. Impersonal, yes, but she probably didn't mean anything by it. I stock up on many things, but not fresh produce. Though I see from the weather report that I should probably buy enough produce to last me a few days since the weather is about to start sucking. :(
jealous of your time management. That's what she is. And some people would say anything to get published.
And I bet she thinks an apple is an apple is an apple. Right?
Ditto to estea - cross her off the festivus card list. And you are a super mom. I only make it the the store once or twice a week, but I try to plan for that. Because I hate going to the grocery store. But I have to go because if I entrust it to my husband, even with a detailed list, he comes home with bags full of frozen burritos, hot dogs and cheeze doodles. Healthy!
okay. do you want to hear from a *reasonable* mother of six?
if not, i don't really care. i'm going to say it anyway ... (LOL)
i shower every day. EVERY day. (sorry, just had to squeeze that in before i begin).
okay. it's not that difficult to go to the store with children. i prefer not to take 6 out with me. it's much easier to go alone (although i have not gone alone in more than 10 years, thanks to always nursing SOMEone). i'm happy when i only have 2 or 3 tagging along. i go to the store at least 2-3 times a week. we need to go because we need a lot, a lot of the time. i enjoy fresh items, too. (you can't buy fresh fruit/veggies too early on because they get wrinkly!)
we stock up, though. we have lots of staples. i have a freezer full of food (mostly blueberries and crab meat, but whatever).
obviously this "mom" you know (not a friend, hee hee) hasn't gotten the knack of parenting. or she would be showering daily.
and i'm hoping this mom of 6 sounded somewhat logical in this post. forgive me if i didn't.
Yeah, I would DEFINITELY take that as a compliment. You make her feel like a failure! Go you!! I go to the grocery store at least once most days - sometimes twice because I always forget something, like chickenbells.
I'm sorry that the article mention made you feel badly. Honestly, I don't know a mom that doesn't go out more than once a week (or month) to gather grocery items and I live in a rural area.
well she would never be able to survive in Zurich where my SIL says you HAVE to shop daily. See???? You could survive in Zurich and she couldn't. :)
I think the article makes you sound like a super mom, not a psycho mom.
Ok first off I have to ask what the problem is? You are a psycho, no? So what do you care that she made you out to be one? But seriously I think it is fabulous that your kids are good eaters I wish more people were, then I might have not have to look at so much butt crack being squeezed out of way too small jeans here at the o’l jobski.
As for going to the store I have to give a BIG Hell to tha NO on that one. I HATE the store! Maybe because I have little choice but to go to the monstrosity that is Meijer. It is always packed & there are never enough check lanes open. In the summer I love that I can stop at a farm stand & pretty much avoid the store all together.
As for your friend the first thing I thought was also, damn why isn’t she showering???!!! But then I have that whole other issue here at work to go along with the “crack” problem so it’s one of my pet peeves!
OK, you're just trying to get me back for the whole snow thing, huh? You know that Max eats only 3items of fresh produce: apples (though at least he is an apple connoiseur), baby carrots, and spinach in a spinach sandwich. But never more than one kind a day.
Do you know what I would give to have my kid eat as well as yours?
There is a certain kind of mom who takes pride in giving so much attention to her children she doesn't have the time to care for herself. I had a friend once who was like that. It's B.S. It's a whole martyr show. Showering and other personal hygiene practices are things you make time for no matter what, because children are not rulers of the universe. They can be expected to entertain themselves sometimes. Also, what are people teaching their kids by not making time for these important things? It breeds children who expect the entire world to stop in its tracks for them.
I actually really enjoy going to the store frequently. I like fresh food. I like to buy less more often so I actually use what I buy. Though I agree that it can be really helpful to have a pantry full of staples and a freezer full of soups and sauces.
Does she ever read your blog?
No way, I'm going to the grocery store almost everyday. It can be challenging with the kids sometimes, but you're right they learn a lot.
I wonder what on earth does she feed her children when she goes shopping once a month? Definitely no fruit or fresh veggies!
I think that getting out of the house everyday is great for both kids and moms. An article that expounds the virtues of being an anti-social shut-in because it is easier? Sounds dumb. Besides the types of food that have a month long shelf life are not the types of food you can feed to kids with wheat allergies and frankly they are not the types of food anyone should be feeding kids.
When you go to the store frequently you also only have to pick up a handful of items, you are in and out. You can go during the hours in which no one else is there instead of during the busy times when the store is packed and you have to spend two hours filling three carts full of crap. You know what I mean. I wonder what she does with all her time, I mean without showering, without shopping, what is she doing instead, watching Oprah? Just kidding. Love Ya, Laura. At least it wasn't some tv show like "what not to wear". Wouldn't that be funny to see yourself on tv, look at Laura she shops everday.
You know what - don't sweat it. Different strokes for different folks and all that...
Some people love to go to the store, some don't. Some have lovely children that they can take places (including the store and other "boring" errands), some don't. Some shower daily, some don't. You get the idea....
What is best for her and her chosen lifestyle is not necessarily what is best for you, or me or anyone else (of course, *we're* not writing articles touting why our way is better - which I gather is how you took her article to be written...)
Anyhoo - just let it roll off your back, and don't let it get to you. I'm not wholly convinced that it was personal. (although, you do have my full permission to engage in a little schadenfrude when her kids get scurvy, or beri-beri, or rickets, or something from subsisting solely on canned foods with long shelf-lives...)
xoxox
I'd rather be a mum that shops for groceries each day than a mum that can't shower each day!
well i think it's all been written before me. I too shower every day, sometimes I even manage a second shower at night - wow, aren't I the super mummy?!! We also go to the grocery store alot. It's more on a whim basis, and I like sharing the shopping with Miss L so she doesn't think food will just appear if she snaps her fingers. God, if I stocked up too much I be a bloody whale with all the snacking available! still love reading you Laura.
I am lazy and forgetful... I go everyday.. and buy what I need for the day... costs less, allows more
leeway for menu changes, and I dont stock up on junk food, Good for you Laura !! I would love to eat at your house anyday !!
I love taking my 4yo to the store. He doesn't love it so much but once in a while he will do ALL the shopping. I just have to steer the cart once in a while when he aims it at some hapless soul.
Well that just goes to show that you can't believe everything you read. I'm sure her version made for a more saleable story, huh? Maybe you could submit an article on gluten-free cooking. You really are an expert on the subject, and are working on a cookbook. It really does sound like an informative kind of article Parents would like.
I think its all how you take it. If your friend does groceries once a month, she is likely filling her family with alot of frozen, pre-packaged, prepared, etc. food. She'd probably like to do better but all those showers are getting in the way! I'd say this is a "let it go", "shrug it off", " turn the other cheek" kind of thing. You're doing great!
My life... I read your blog but don't comment often... but... your friend has rattled my cage! Good on you great mum for taking your little ones to the grocery store often... at least your's are learning about healthy food and meeting lots of interesting folk... I find it a great joy too have my 2 little helpers picking the fruit etc. Right... I'm off for a shower.
Me again, 9 years later, author of the parenting article and STILL writing for the same magazine and about 150 more. I have to say I still shower every other day and now that my kids are 6, 8, 11, 13 and almost-15, I do go to the grocery store more often but never once a day ...too busy working from home and homeschooling for that jazz. Just goes to show different strokes for different folks. Peace out.
I never thought you were a psycho, by the way! We just weren't meshing in my mind so I attempted to gracefully make my exit. I should not have said that about you in a magazine and I apologize :-( I always thought you were a smart, cool, interesting, innovative woman and I hope to see you at the pool again this summer so we can chat!
Me again! Had to find this post and comment thread for another book I'm working on, and my English class students enjoyed this story as an example of putting yourself out there with your writing, being careful with your words, growing a thick skin. I probably also forgot to mention that the MAGAZINE put the word "logical" in there, not me. So keep that in mind as well ... editing. I wish you all the good things, and did you know that 4 1/2 years ago, we moved to the country right up the street from your relative Dayna?
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