I Scratch a Living, it Ain't Easy, You Know it's a Drag

Okay, internet. We need to have a talk.

The next time I claim I've got a cockamaney idea, you need to talk me out of it. Seriously. I'm not kidding. I am a danger to myself and those I love when I have cockamaney ideas. And then, who do you think I'm going to turn to and bitch and complain? You, internet, you.

So my cockamaney idea this time was to make a picnic blanket. And, gee, wouldn't it be cute if it was red, white and blue? I probably think of these colors as representative of the hot days of summer because of the 4th of July, but that's off topic. Anyway, wouldn't it be cute patchworked? Oh, and I guess it would need some batting to be soft under our tooshies.

The fucking picnic blanket has now exploded into a full-sized quilt.

Quilt, internet. QUILT.

With binding, internet. BINDING.

What person in their right mind looks around their home and says, "Hmmm... my husband's out on a two week business trip and both of my children are feverish and sick. I know! I know! This is the perfect time to MAKE A QUILT! And, hey! I've NEVER MADE A QUILT BEFORE!"

No one, that's who, internet. NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIGHT WOULD DO SUCH AN INSANE THING.

No one but me, and it has been well established that I'm BATSHIT CRAZY.

And, to top things off, the thirty bucks I already spent wasn't even enough fabric to make half of the quilt top.

So this morning I had to drag my sick kids with my to the fabric store (I'm so evil, taking them out of the house and exposing others, I'm horrible) to get even more fabric. Seventy-two dollars later and I have plenty of fabric to finish the quilt top, but not the back.

Holyfuckingshit, this is really expensive. My allowance money I've been hoarding is gone, gone, gone.

And then I stayed up till past midnight doing this...


Each row consists of 13 blocks. And no, those rows are not sewed together but placed strategically close to give you an idea of what I'm doing. The final quilt (oh, crap, I'm making a quilt) will have 14 rows. Each finished block will measure six inches square, with half an inch seam allowances (I've learned from Griffin's blanket: quarter inch seams are not strong enough in this family).

I didn't realize it until today that this will go famously with our picnic basket.


It is the only thing remotely patriotic we own. It was purchased when we had a real president in office and this country acted like our biggest problem was some dried-up jizz on a blue dress.

So, after staying up till past midnight making those rows, I decided to decompress by watching some DVR'd t.v.

Aaron has one hard and fast rule in this house... I am not allowed to watch Law & Order: SVU or Close to Home late at night, especially when he's out of town.

Chances are, if you tell me I'm not allowed to do something, I'm totally gonna do it.

So I sat down and watched one of the saved episodes of Close to Home, not realizing I chose the season finale.

First of all, the whole episode was about pedaphiles and the internet, which nearly sent my into hysterics over my photos here.

Then, at the end of the episode, THEY KILLED OFF ANNA BETH'S HUSBAND. He was hit by a drunk driver.

So, they double-whammied me into being very nervous and completely freaking out at one o'clock in the morning and Aaron thousands of miles away.

So, do you have a better understanding of why you should discourage my cockamaney ideas?

Because I'm gonna start holding you responsible for them.