This Living Shouldn't be Called Living, 'Cause it's Really Only Half a Life

Going to Michigan gave us a massive wake up call big swift kick in the ass, making us realize that we've been living in an illusion that Darwin is getting better.

The simple fact is, he's not. He's just getting worse.

Darwin has had health problems since he was in utero. To keep from miscarrying him, I had to take a concoction of hormones; I spent every morning of the entire pregnancy leaning over the kitchen sink and coughing up blood. At 31 weeks, I went into premature labor and was admitted in the hospital. I was released with some scary drugs in my pocket and strict bedrest orders.

When I was induced to deliver him at 39 weeks, his blood pressure stopped. When he was born his apgar score was a miraculous 9.5 despite finding out that his umbilical cord was not properly attached to the placenta (I only found out a few months ago that having a live birth vaginally with that defect is considered a "miracle"). Within two hours of coming into this world, he was admitted into the NICU and we were told he may not make it through the night.

Darwin spent nine days in the NICU and the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with him, nor how it seemed to "fix itself" with time and oxygen.

By the time Darwin was six weeks old, we were fighting with doctors to get him tested for allergies -- he was broken out in a rash from head to toe and very sickly.

At five months, Darwin was admitted into the local children's hospital for the croup. Again, we (or, rather I, as Aaron was out of town) were told he may not make it. Being admitted into the hospital was enough to finally get our foot in the door with allergists and dermatologists.

At six months, Darwin had a basic allergy panel ran. He came up allergic to everything -- cats, dogs, dairy, soy, wheat, corn, peanuts -- 13 things in all. He was started on Zyrtec.

We found our cats new homes. We had the carpets, furniture, blinds and ducts cleaned twice. We got Darwin started on Neocate formula.

We took him to a dermatologist and got him started on Elidel. Within two weeks he developed an allergy. To get him over that he had to take steroids. Then he was started on Protopic.

At 14 months, we sat down with our allergist and outlined all the foods we wanted him tested for -- over 250. He came back allergic to Every Single One.

Food allergies are on a scale from one to six. Six being over 100 parts per 100 and considered vary rare. Darwin is allergic to seven foods on the level six. In order to feed him anything, we have to feed him food that he is allergic to on the level three or lower.

Then, at 15 months old, Darwin had his horrible eye accident and spent five days in the children's hospital again. He was administered enormous amounts of steroids in order to try to save his optical nerve (which is now dead) and third cyatic nerve (which died, but regenerated -- which is why Darwin now how functional movement over his eyelid and eye globe).

A doctor in the hospital asked to run some tests and we whole-heartedly agreed. He found that Darwin had a dangerously low Zinc level and now takes a Zinc suspension every morning.

Over the course of the past year, we have had second and third opinions from allergists and dermatologists. We've tried many creams, ointments and suspensions. If Darwin isn't immediately allergic to them, he develops an allergy in a matter of days.

This is considered "healthy and lookin' good" for Darwin...


... in all reality, that looks neither healthy nor good.

It's time to try something new. We've done everything we can think of. It's time to take a new path.

Alternative medicine has been a blessing for me. I have an alternative doctor that I see regularly in addition to my slew of mainstream doctors. We've taken Darwin to see him once and get some input, but due to Darwin's young age he hasn't ran any tests.

I have an appointment for Darwin to see my doctor on Monday. In a previous visit, he has mentioned a clinic in Chicago we should take him to. I'm going to get information on it. I'm also going to insist that he do any blood work he may deem necessary.

I'm also taking Darwin to see my chiropractor tomorrow to see if his spine is in proper alignment.

There has to be something, something, more we can do that hasn't been done. And I'm going to exhausted every goddamn motherfucking one I can.

Because this is ridiculous.