Sunday, July 23, 2006

And Now You've Given Me, Given Me, Nothing But Shattered Dreams, Shattered Dreams

I've been working on the cookbook this weekend (fucking cookbook). Today, I tried a pumpkin bread recipe....

Looks good, right?

Shit. Damn thing wouldn't stay together and became "chocolate chip pumpkin mush."

But Aaron said, "That's okay. You can make another loaf tonight!"


At least I finally have one recipe absolutely ready for publishing...

Steak Hash with Super Mashed Potatoes

I need a new fancy-pants camera, yes?

The difficulty with cooking gluten-free is that you can't use any shortcuts. And that includes what a lot of people would consider staples: soy sauce, worcestershire sauce, teriyaki sauce, anything that ends its name with "sauce."

And by not using these shortcuts/staples, you don't get a good paradox with flavors -- nothing tastes rounded out perfectly.

However, I have perfected it (at least with this recipe).

Which brings me closer to my goal:
1. Write Cookbook
2. Get Published (still don't' have a fucking clue on that one, people)
3. Be Rich (or, at least, get out of debt)
-- and if I'm really lucky --
4. Help people eat better for their health
5. Help change FDA regulations on food labeling
6. Help educate restaurants and food manufacturers and develop more gluten-free options in the marketplace

Huh. That's not too difficult. Right? RIGHT?

Aaron decided that, after his fiasco with Whole Foods yesterday, I would go to Whole Foods today.

I was drunk with freedom.





First, I went to the quilt shop up the road from me. Apparently, Amy Butler is going to be there for a big hooplala the first weekend in August. So, any Kansas City crafters interested in meeting her should give the shop a call.

Then, I went to Borders and picked up my bookclub book, along with a new cute pencil sharpener and Aaron's favorite candy.

But I can't have any candy. Because it has gluten. (Damn starch!) (Damn natural flavors!)

And, Borders? Just because you put a sticker on a CD that says, "$17.99 Sale!" doesn't really make it on sale.

Then I headed next door to Whole Foods.

I love Whole Foods. Really, I do.

But when they decide to fucking change their floor plan while I have a broken foot and make me walk up! and! down! every gawd-forsaken aisle, I get a little pissed off.

Actually, I get A LOT PISSED OFF.

I starting crying in aisle four when I realized I no long knew where the beans were. I was about to curl into the fetal position on the floor.

But I couldn't.

Because I'm still crippled.

So I yelled at every employee I could find.

None of them knew where the beans were.

(They were 10 feet down from their original location.)

And no one could explain why they divided up the chips. Half were on aisle six and half were on aisle seven. Sounds like great planning if you ask me.

And don't even get me started on the dumbass behind the coffee counter that tried to convince me to get some tea that I had an allergic reaction to doesn't have gluten in it.

(Geesh, Laura. Aggression much?)

Perhaps I should used my forces of the Dark Side to make my day go better...

Beware of Darth Griffin's mind bending skills!

Argh! Run! Run! Run for your lives!


autum said...

Sorry your short lived freedom high had to be killed by rearranged beans and chips. Man, I hate when that happens.

LLA said...

Ugh - sounds like a craptastic day at WholePaycheck (that's what we call it around here!) How disappointing....

On the other hand, I think the pumpkin bread needs is re-branding...(because it looks yum!) Call it Pumpkin Crumble, serve it over ice cream or something, and insist that it was supposed to turn out that way.

(I admit that I am guilty of doing this in the past when desserts haven't turned out correctly... pour it over ice cream, insist that it's a topping and that it was what you were trying to accomplish! I've made a lot of "key lime pie" ice cream topping, and "pecan pie" ice cream topping The best one I ever got away with? When I once served Bubba a bowl of vanilla ice cream with Italian Cream Cake Crumble on top. For his birthday. Darn Stupid Southern Living cake recipe....)

kristi said...

Maybe you should take Darth to Whole Foods next time so he can use his mind powers to knock some sense into those people. I'm glad you got a taste of freedom, finally!

estea said...

o damn that Whole Paycheck, I mean Whole Foods. what the? why did they change everything? i was planning a trip this week for olive bar goodness and some cheeeeeese. but I'll be scowling the entire trip, i promise.

you live by Harpers? I'm less than 10 min. from Harpers and I LOVE that store. no, i don't sew i just love fabric don't think i'm weird.

i want amy b's betty shopper bag pattern. maybe i'll go.

Angela said...

Darth is cracking me up. Thanks.8-)
At least you are making some kind of progress on the cookbook and even the crumbly pumpkin looks good.
"Whole Paycheck" is also funny. Sorry they went messing with your head over there. Still, it would have been worse with the munchkins, no? STores should really not go rearranging stuff, especially ones that broken footed Laura goes too. I'll have the law passed immediately for you. I have that kind of power.

lera said...

your pumpkin bread still looks yummy ... even if it really doesn't resemble bread. :-)

sorry about your bad store experience. even without a broken foot, that is very annoying. with a broken foot, i would be ticked!!!

lindiepindie said...

Soy sauce? I know I've seen gluten-free soy sauce before. Are you allowed to use those in your cookbook? I even used it for one of my long-time chicken recipes and while the color of the sauce was a bit lighter, it tasted good.

It would be great if they would put gluten information on labels, though.

capello said...

Gluten-free soy sauce is available, it is called Tamari -- but Darwin is so allergic to soy, I can't use it.

karen said...

Hmmm... you had a bad time right - I'm not sure but there is just a little something i the tone of your post that hints at that!

Oh - really though I know how annoying it can be when shops move things - and that's not even with a broken foot!!

Have a better day tomorrow!

Kim - ScrapToMyLu said...

boy, I am so sorry you have to eat all Gluten free food. Does ice cream have gluten? Looks like ice cream would go well with the pumpkin mash stuff.

diana said...

oh your little darth vader is so darn cute...
i hate it when they change things in the grocery store for no good reason other than to change things !

Amy said...

So that candy I sent you? No good? I was informed it was gluten free. Damn informers!

I really can't stand when they rearrange the grocery store. I make my list in the order of my route and when they change it I get all twitchy. They have been changing my grocery store around for 3 months now. Argh!

Tom said...

that steak thing you made looked delicious...... mmmm. steak. .... i don't know if it makes you feel better, but i read somewhere that cedar point amusement park in ohio has added gluten-free menu items to some of its food stands. i just thought that was kinda progressive considering amusement parks are the capital of cotton candy and chili fries and shit....

Leanne said...

Hey, as far as publishing a cookbook, I have a couple suggestions. I'll email them to you when I get five minutes peace around this asylum of a home today!

monica said...

'shopping rage'.

I know that one well.

Deep breathing.... count to ten backwords VERY SLOWLY.

Here you go. Better already, right?