Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Hickory, Dickory, Dock, The Mouse Ran Up the Clock

The problem with living in an old house is, well, it's an old house.

Don't get me wrong, I love my house, but it was much more... more... um... livable back when we had three cats (whom we had to find all new homes due to Darwin's allergies).

(You know where this is going now, don't you?)

Occasionally, we get little... um... problems in the house. Which always freak the whole living shit out of me. Last year, they lived in the suspended ceiling in the basement, and I heard them scurrying over my head when I was down there working. But, of course, they eventually have to make their way upstairs to the kitchen. ::chills:: We got some of those sonic sound thing-a-ma-bobbers which has helped considerably. But, they are not fool proof.

I realized while Aaron was out of town on his never-ending business trip that... well... we had another visitor. Little fucker kept getting into my junk drawer (you know, where you keep your scissors, stamps, tape, candles, nail files, top shelf chocolate) and leaving behind "calling cards." Little fucker had the audacity to eat a half-bar of my favorite chocolate bar.

Obviously, we are dealing with something with Very Good Taste.

When Aaron was home this weekend, he put out four traps: two in the junk drawer and two under the sink. The next morning all four were cleaned of the peanut better, but never were shot off.

Obviously, we are dealing with something with Higher Intelligence.

So, he set them off again and they have sat... and sat... and sat... until this morning.

Here's what I found in the junk drawer (it's okay to look)...


No. Peanut. Butter.

Fucker!

And here's what I found under the sink...

(You may not want to look.)

(I'm serious.)

(Don't look.)

(Seriously.)

(Avert your eyes.)

(I'm not kidding here, internet.)

(Don't look.)


(I told you not to look!)

Um... um... what he hell am I suppose to do now? Seriously, internet, I am FREAKING OUT HERE. It clearly states in Paragraph Two, Section Five of the Laura Capello Handbook that Laura is Squeamish and a Big Wussy. She shall not deal with vermin.

I need some help.

Seriously.

Help.

16 comments:

LLA said...

Ummm - Ok.... we can do this....

First, get about 10,000 of those icky plastic grocery store bags and put them over your hand. You need 10,000 of them, because who knows how many layers of plastic dead mouse germs can travel through.

With your hand encased in bags, gingerly pick up the corner of the trap. At no time should you touch mouse! Once you've got the corner of trap in your grip, use your other hand to turn the bags kind of inside out around the trap//mouse. It is now nestled in a nest of 10,000 plastic bags. Quickly grab the handles of the bags and tie them shut. Then tie them again. Then tie them until you can't tie them anymore.

Now you've got a dead mouse tied up in a bunch of bags.* If it was me, I'd probably seal it up in a Big Old Ziploc bag, or two. Or three. Because you can never be too careful. But that's just me....

Now carry whole big bag mess to outdoor trash can and dispose of. Then run back in the house and wash your hands for a good 10 minutes....

It goes without saying that you get to squeal like a girl throughout this entire process.

Good luck with this - and when Aaron calls tonight - you are entitled to whine, fuss and moan about having to take care of this for as long as you want. And when he gets back he owes you a nice dinner out at Outback, or the gluten-free restaurant of your choice....

*And yes, you are throwing away a perfectly good trap. But if you think I'm removing the mouse so the trap can be re-used??? Uh-huh, no way, not me, forget about it!

Emy said...

FInd something that you don't want anymore. say for instance one of the kid's old shovels, put on rubber gloves (Not that you will come anywhere near touching it), and grab a grocery bag. Use the shovel to throw it into the bag (laying open on the floor. Now run and take it to the nearest garbage dumpster or wherever the trash normally goes. Then sanitize your hands anyways for good measure. And then do it a few more times.

This just happened to me too. Only it was half of a dead bird who I guess got in the way of a lawn mower. It was covered in ants and mutilated and I wanted to cry and puke. And I had to take care of it because my husband was at work and we were expecting company a few hours later. So I feel ya.

capello said...

Oh, did I forget to mention?

We have a huge dead blackbird in the yard too.

I'm leaving that for Aaron to clean up when he gets home.

(Luckily, it is on the side yard, out of the fensed area, so I just have to prevent the boys from going over then when we are leaving/coming home.)

Kim said...

Okay, Laura, you know my answer will be different... I hope I'm getting to you before you've disposed of the critter so impersonally (s/he did share your love of fine chocolate, after all.) Is there any way I can get you to hold a little funeral... just a blessing? It is Summer Solstice, after all, where the Goddess Mother is overly generous, giving more than she needs to. I'm thinking that the mouse is Pagan, too, b/c s/he was generous in leaving you a good trap (and it's a TRAP, of all things.) Can well keep her/his karmic good will going and give him/her a good send off? Summer solstice also finds us discarding old habits or outmoded ways of thinking... you can choose to discard your squeamishness! In fact, it would be perfectly honorable to burn the mousey carcass at the conclusion of said blessing.
I don't think the mouse germs are quite as bad as the birds, these days... a good pair of rubber gloves should do.

Alas, that brings us to the bird. Ah, dear feathered friend. It is a sign for you and yours - a GOOD omen, even if disguised by death. Get a shovel and bury it, hands free. (and please do a little blessing there, too?!)

Plus, it's a great way to teach the kids about the life cycle, nature, death, etc.
kk

Kim said...

Here's a little ditty you can sing after celebrating the crossing of yours and Mousey's path...

Ahem.

Love to eat them, Mousies.
Mousies what I love to eat.
Bite they little heads off.
Nibble on they tiny feet.

kk

Angela said...

just pack up the kids and move out

Angela said...

Or
go to the dollar store, buy a dust pan. Scoop dead one up, dispose of in plastic grocery bag. Hold far away from body and RUN to outdoor garbage. Scream or say, "Ew.Ew.Ew".8-)

Ali said...

All the plastic/rubber/washing advice sounds very sensible. Then pick up the phone and tell Aaron he owes you a BIG GIFT on his return.

Alicia A. said...

Do I need to come over and do this thing?

Wuss.

:)

kristi said...

I love the pagan mousie song. About the dead birds being good luck ... is a dead bird still considered lucky if it only died because your enormous dog whacked it with his paw, inflicting serious injury? And if that is in fact unlucky, will the bad luck at least stick to the man who brought said dog home in the first place? Enquiring minds want to know.

I suppose the mouse is gone by now. Hope that it doesn't have a lot of chocolate-loving relatives living nearby...

kirsty said...

Ila and Emy are right on the money there. Except that they forgot the shivering and goosebumps that go with the squealing. I favour the 10 000 plastic bag method.If the little creeps keep stealing the peanut butter, try pumpkin seeds. They love them and they are hard to remove if you really jam them on to the trap tightly.

Leslie said...

Oh your story of your little "visitor" gave me the chills. I've experienced unwanted visitors before, and as you are well aware, it's no fun at all. I am squeamish and a big scaredy cat.

But I'm glad your friend has moved on. . . and yes, I had to look despite not wanting to. I did it, and now I'm irked. Gah! :)

lera said...

so very sorry that you have the final "cleanup" of the mousetrap. that stinks!!

I would get a neighbor (I've actually done that before). But I see you have some other very good suggestions here.

I have actually let a dead mouse sit in its trap (in the basement of course) for weeks until my husband went to extract it.

and the mice who visit my house are equally smart. they clean off the traps and leave nothing behind.

did i mention that i HATE mice?!? my sympathies are being sent to you.

Kim said...

I think Capello's next post need be what she did w/ Mousie.
(love to eat them mousies... la la la.)

And Kristi - Consider yourself charmed. Your dog loves you enough to bring leave sacred offerings!

Lyn said...

First off let me say "better you than me!"

Secondly, just reading the story made me laugh out loud!

Tom said...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! you poor thing. if that was me to see that i would've run like a little girl. i used to share an apartment with a girl and she saw a mouse in my kitchen so we put out like 800 traps. (of all sorts) and i would never look at them for fear i might see something. seriously. when she saw one in the kitchen i just stopped going in there........ like for a month.