Monday, October 27, 2008

I Took the Good Times, I'll Take the Bad Times

My grandma has been in the hospital for over a week now. Mentioning this to people makes them say "Oh!" and tilt their head in concern, with worry, "What can I do to help you?"

Maybe it's because my mom died when she was 28 and I've dealt with one of the hardest loses you can deal with so early in my life. Maybe it's because my grandma has pretty much shut me out for the past ten years, refusing me to see her unless at family gatherings (which has added up to about four times in the past 10 years). Maybe it's because I've never had a "close" relationship with her to begin with. Maybe it's because my grandma is 84 years old, has had nine children, 21 grandchildren and four great-grandchildren, she's had a lot of living.

I'm in no way traumatized by my grandma teetering on that brink - in that space with you don't know what the outcome will be.

My biggest concern, of course, is her getting proper medical treatment and not being in pain. Have the hospital hook her up to IVs if she's not eating. Making sure the oxygen line isn't poking her nose. Her neck having the proper support.

The past week has been filled of frantic phone calls with family members. Changing appointments and canceling commitments. Visiting the hospital.

The sensible person in me just wants a time-line. A list of expectations. To know what to do, when to do it and who needs to get it done.

I always cope best with a plan.

9 comments:

Alicia A. said...

Well, no matter what emotions this stirs up, I'm thinking of you.

Jane said...

In our family we simply appointed 1 person in charge-everyone reported to him. He made sure the patient always had someone in the hospital with her, all doctor conversations were reported to him and he handed out any other assignments. It was a long haul that would not have worked out otherwise. It took all the hurt feelings and drama out of having a whole lot of folks trying to help. Be well.

kristi said...

Hang in there. Sometimes these things seem to bring out the hidden family drama, the repressed resentments, and all sorts of fun stuff like that. :coughinlawscough:

If you do need anything, let me know.

sltbee69 said...

No matter what the circumstances, it's still hard when "that" situation arises. My thoughts are with you and your family. ((HUGS))

LauraJ said...

I'm sorry seems pitiful to say so I won't. Take care of yourself.

Chickenbells said...

Plans are definitely comforting...I wish more things in life could follow them. Sending big hugs your way when the path is hard to see...

~Kat~ said...

I find that family politics are always the most challenging when there is a birth, wedding, sickness or funeral. I'm sorry that there is no clear boundary line between what must be done and what should be done- especially when it sounds like your grandmother doesn't want anyone to be involved in anything.

PLO said...

Why is it that the person that had little contact with the ailing grandparent is always the one that has to take care of them, and make the arrangements? Isn't that the way it always works? Hang in there. Your feelings are yours...there is no right or wrong in grief.

Angelina said...

all my grandmothers were a) bitches b) mean c) crazy

But I always assume everyone else is very close with theirs.

I do best with a plan too.