Thursday, September 11, 2008

I Feel Helpless, So Hopeless, it's a Door That Never Closes

This morning I was catching up on some work email and making notations in a spreadsheet, when I had to type today's date -- 9/11.

It's amazing how one second you're fine, the next you flash back seven years to an absolutely devastating day.

My mother-in-law was in town, helping Aaron pain the nursery. I was five months pregnant with Griffin. The weekend prior, they were giving me a hard time for making them paint "white-on-white" (white trim, cream walls). I was sick with a yet-to-be-diagnosed case of pregnancy induced asthma.

That Tuesday morning I came downstairs, my mother-in-law was shaking on the couch. The television was one. Thirty seconds later, the second plane flew into the other tower.

The horror and fear was palatable thousands of miles away for days. You could feel the death. Feel the worry of everyone searching for family and friends. The air was thick emotion, like moving through muddy waters.

The following week was horrible - everything was speculation and everyone was still searching, searching, hoping, hoping.

And now, seven days later, it feels the same. I'm unable to move, unable to breathe. Just sitting, looking at my home. Watching my son play with Star Wars toys and watching Dora, like it's just any other day. But it's not.

8 comments:

kristi said...

That was a surreal day. I was watching TV, waiting for the O.T. to come and work with my baby's gross motor skills. I remember when the first reports came in, I was obsessively checking the news sites, refreshing over and over for more info, but nobody knew what was going on yet. It was completely disorienting and just made me feel helpless. Still does.

Alicia A. said...

I noticed it this morning too- while paying bills.

I drove to work that day(at the athletic club playroom) listening in horror to the radio on the way. In the playroom the entire staff was standing the little tv that usually played baby einstein tapes. I put Jack down on the floor and then the second plane crashed.

Thanks for reminding me to hug these babies, Laura.

amy said...

i know.

tonkelu said...

I remember waking up that morning (I didn't have class), nuzzling with the dog and flipping on the television only to see the second plane fly into the World Trade Center. "Wow," I thought, "that looks like a lame movie." It didn't occur to me it was real until Peter Jennings came on the air. I spent most of that day tracking down my family, trying to get hold of A White Bear (who was in Cleveland at the time where it was rumored a plane had crashed) and knowing that everything had changed because for the first time I felt vulnerable in my own country.

And, yeah, now I need to go cuddle my sleeping babies.

Dana said...

amen.

Shelly said...

This year I was working off-site with a couple of coworkers and one of them kept asking me the date. Like anyone could forget.

Seven years ago I was a stay at home mom innocently watching the Today show when the second plane hit. Something changed in me that day. I have never been the same.

Rebecca F. said...

I hope you are doing okay.....

Thinking of you.
Rebecca

Claire said...

senior year, english class. announcement came on the PA. the teacher in the classroom next door came in moments later and said "Mr Russi (my govt/econ teacher) has the news on." we all went to his classroom down the hall and watched for a while. eventually Mr Russi said, "okay everyone, they're probably just going to keep showing footage of the flaming buildings." i had just got back to my classroom when a classmate who was still in Mr Russi's room rushed out and yelled, "the second tower just collapsed!" i opened my arms to my friend Alex, who was already crying.

it felt like sadness and worry was lingering in the halls. i ended up leaving school, as many others had. but where most kids probably went home, i went to Pop's workplace. from there i called my then-boyfriend, but his ROTC roommate answered, so i talked to him for a bit as he was afraid of being called for duty.

i remember not freaking out, partly because i didn't know anyone who lived near NYC. but there was a lot of negativity around me.