Friday, December 29, 2006

I Can't Get to Sleep, I Think About the Implications of Diving in Too Deep and Possibly the Complications

I'm fairly well-known for running my mouth a little too much. Followed by a quick shoving the foot into mouth. Oh yes, I'm well-known.

I don't know what my problem is, but I am terrified of beginning a new year. On one hand I'm really excited for the potential of a "fresh start." I'm looking forward to wrapping up the holidays and bringing some "normalcy" back into our lives (although, I must admit, lounging around in sweats all day and not going anywhere is quite lovely).

I'm looking forward to cleaning the basement some more and having another garage sale. I'm looking forward to cleaning our bedroom and making be more grown-up (as opposed to the dumping ground it is now). I'm looking forward to more painting projects. I'm looking forward to forcing Aaron out of his cave and turning that room into a family office.

I'm looking forward to lots more cooking, lots more grilling, figuring out how to make some gluten-free bread (Aaron's craving jam and bread, jam and bread, oh please Heavenly Father he wants jam and bread).

I'm looking forward to spending lots more time with friends. I'm looking forward to gardening, going to the swimming pool this summer and spending lots of time at Science City.

And yet, I'm completely terrified of what the new year will bring.

In 2005 we experienced the great eye accident. This year I broke my foot and ruined the whole summer. What fucking catastrophe will we experience in 2007? Really, I know I shouldn't be but I am absolutely terrified to find out.

Another part of my nervousness, and perhaps this is why I'm so fucking nervous, is because I'm starting something new. Something I should be working on right now. Something I know will be good for me, my family and benefit a lot of people.

But still? It is scary. Scary and terrifying, terrifying and scary.

24 comments:

beki said...

It looks like you have lots of good things ahead of you. I think it's okay to be scared, change is hard. Do you plan on revealing the new undertaking that will be so good for your family?

kirsten said...

yeah, what's the big secret?

(glad my bedroom isn't the only dumping grounds!)

Dawn said...

So I read read your blog because I am inspired by your honesty, humor, and creativity. So (because I am wishing it for you) I know, know, know that this year will bring you no harm. Good Luck in your new endeavors.

This post felt amazingly familiar because I am feeling the same way. We are painting the dining room in our brand new first home today and i think it's a good start, I'm certain that your *secret* project will fulfill all of your wishes for 2007.

PamKittyMorning said...

Oh, I think I might know what it is! I could make a guess!!! I think the New Year will bring nothing but good things, and I'm sticking with that.

Ali said...

I'm still waiting for you to announce you're expecting, or did we all get over that one?

C'mon, spill those beans...

Dawn said...

Wishing all the good luck you need! ::crossing fingers & toes::

I'm excited to find out what you'll be doing... ah, the mystery. lol.

Angelina said...

Well, this is going to kill me. Not knowing things but knowing there are things to know...

I am right there with you on the terrified deal. I have so much to lose. We also had broken bones and now it seems that more surgery is required for my husband and so much can go wrong. I want to say it will be a great year, I suppose the best we can do is to just keep moving forward and trust that whatever is in store for us will either kill us or make us stronger. (Nice cliche, huh?)

kristi said...

I think I know the terrifying secret, but it will be an exciting project, and once you actually get underway, the terror should begin to fade. Anticipation is usually so much worse than the actual event. (The really scary events usually jump out at us with no warning whatsoever, and worrying doesn't keep them away.)

Best of luck with the new year. May your good karma finally catch up with you!

Angela said...

It's going to be good love. Really it is. Hard, scary, exciting, a lot of work...but good! You can do it! I'm the worry queen over here so I get the anticipation aspect. It's tough. Think happy thoughts and breathe.
Cleaning out his cave? really? ;)

Alicia A. said...

It WILL be good. I know it.

And you all will be just fine, love. I know that too.

Kim - ScrapToMyLu said...

Just jump with both feet. We'll all be with you.

So, what's the new thing? A baby?

leeanne said...

i want to know what!!!!!! sometimes i dont even want to let the kids leave the house for school because im always thinking what next but you have to dive right in there or you will miss the good stuff too!!

Chickenbells said...

Heavens...my bedroom is quite the mess...piles and piles to be quite frank...Yes, change is always a little scary, even when it's good change...I find myself sometimes creating weird dramas in my head, even though things are going really well...what the heck is that all about anyway?

diana said...

I think I know what it is too...
and you will do a wonderful job.... I totally understand
anxiety and fear...aghhhh

Soo said...

good luck! It'll be a great year for you I'm sure!

cheryl said...

Don't freak out girl! Be glad that this crappy year is over and try to be excited! 7 is a lucky number right?

And besides, my funky letter word verification thing right now says "smuchy" - that's gotta be a good sign!

:-)

Bitterbetty said...

I think if I had a basement our looking forwrds lists might match.

except as of now.. I have no secrets.

"2007- the year with zero drama".. my mantra.

monica said...

I'm with everybody wishing a huge amount of health and luck (and bread) for the new year.

Have fun...

and yeah... what's the secret?

LauraJ said...

rIt'll be okay. The year will be okay. Oh what do I know! I don't have a crystal ball in my back pocket. Just hope for the best is all you can do! Live each day to the fullest and be careful, all of you!!

Marsha said...

Happy New Year! It will all work out wonderfully!

Mirre said...

I wish and your family a very happy and HEALTHY New Year!!
You've had your share of bad luck... 2007 is sure going to be wonderful for you!!

*dying to know about the new project*

Kim said...

I always head into a new year kicking and screaming b/c of the change, but also b/c I LOVE CHRISTMAS SO MUCH AND THE NEW YEAR TAKES IT AWAY FROM ME, sliding right into Valentine's day, which I find annoying.. but, I digress:
I have had a feeling - one of "my" feelings, ya know? 2007 just FEELS good, auspicious, right.
On the other hand, if you don't give the big reveal in the next post, yours shall be cursed.

amy h said...

New years have always felt a little scary to me. I do hope this year is less accident-prone for you than others though!

LLA said...

You've had a couple of rough patches in the past few years - I think you are due for an easy-peasy for a change....

Even if it's not - I know that your wits and your humour will see you through...

V. interested in your new project! sometimes a little scary can be good....
(although, mind if I live vicariously through you? I'm really into living the life uneventful....)

hugs!