Tuesday, June 24, 2008

But Like Mike Jagger Said, I Can't Get No Satisfaction

I'm having a hard time coping with life.

There, I said it.

There's never enough hours in a day and never enough caffeine to keep me motivated when I want to be motivated and yet still be able to to sleep a full night's sleep and not be a zombie.


I'm trying to be easy and breezy, but I'm not easy and breezy. I'm more crabby and bitchy. Trying to be easy and breezy just makes me be more crabby and bitchy. The pressure, argh.

So, what does this mean? Fuck if I know. I feel like something needs to give but I have no clue what that would be. I don't want to give everything up (national anthem of today's woman, I swear) but I can't possibly imagine continuing to remotely cope with the pressure I put on myself.

So, where's the line? Where's the point where I decide I'm going to let something go and be okay with that? At what point am I actually going to achieve s l o w i n g down, which I've been working towards achieving for years?

22 comments:

Marshamlow said...

you are already giving up quality of life and peace of mind. giving up something else, how hard could that be in comparison.

Heidijayhawk said...

i finally hit a point where i was constantly bitchy. i had to let a few things go. you know, not seat the small stuff. now i'm just bitchy most of the time instead of all of the time. progress comes in baby steps my dear.

Leah said...

of course there's no easy answers - but i'll be thinking of you as you work on this problem. if it's any help, you're definitely not alone with this.

Alicia A. said...

oh, honey.

big hugs, big hugs.

Ali said...

Ah, the refrain of Summer. I'm anticipating my own version. Be kind to yourself - this too shall pass.

Emy said...

I'm right there with ya!

erin said...

hang in there, laura. i'm acting crazy in the not so good way myself.

amy h said...

I hear you! I think those of us who aren't naturally easy-breezy are the ones who need to let go the most. I've been working on this. It sounds odd, but adding an activity has helped me let go of some others. Getting to the gym for walking or yoga comes first for me 4-5 times a week now. I do this before anything else. It's like enforced meditation time. If this comes first, it's the other things that have to go, not the mental health that has to go. And just having some precious minutes away from screaming children is priceless.

jamjarboogie said...

Your kids are little---it gets easier (well, physically easier) as they get older.
My kids (8, 12, 13) drive me nuts too, but I CAN sit on the couch and be driven nuts. If that's any help!

beki said...

Sometimes you have to let something go. I've been doing this lately. It's helping.

Diane said...

I have no words of advice. I'm feeling the same way and about to scream! If you find the answer, please share it with me before someone gets hurt (most likely me). You and I should probably stop obsessing over our yard and flowers, for one thing. And does the damn house really need to be that clean all the time (why yes it does, thank you very much). GRRRRRRRRRR Can we spell OCD?

miss chris said...

::: hugs ::: for you. Don't be so hard on yourself. We loves ya, babe.

dee said...

i haven't a clue... yesterday i my daughter asked if i could please stop cleaning and play tennis in the garage with them. I thought, i just want to clean the garage so they have more fun playing tennis. But i think they would have rather me play with them instead. Need to stop doing that!

Chickenbells said...

That is a good question. When you find the answer to that, you absolutely must let me in on it. I'm thinking that life, while it has it's moments...is supposed to be mostly fun (please say that's true) But, I'm looking at who's standards I'm trying to hold myself up to...I'm not sure if they're even mine...

kristi said...

Hang in there. Finding balance is hard.

Stacy said...

oh, sweets.... Are you SURE you want to give up a day to mess with my scrapbooky disaster? I, too, feel the same way a lot of the time. But you know what? I gave up {most of} the crack {blog reading and writing} and I seriously feel terribly liberated. I know you can't - given it's your work... but is there SOMETHING you can just write the "F" off?

Apple said...

I have been trying to "let stuff go" my entire life, it didn't work until I got on my anti-depressant (then stuff just started to not matter as much anymore). I was happier.

Dana said...

I know what your saying. And, though it wasn't that long ago for me I almost don't remember that feeling anymore. And yet I do. I think a big part of it is the feeling of isolation of having young children. It is isolating because they are your world and all you do is for them. It is hard to carve out time that isn't already consumed by them. Seems I remember you writing about this last summer too. ?? Perhaps the change in the schedules and your daily doings really throws you for a while? Hang in there.

Deb C. said...

Yes, the wonders of medicine. St. John's Wort I'm told has worked wonders for someone I know who has a tendency to YELL ALL THE FREAKIN TIME. So give it a try. If it works, great. If not, then try Dr. Phil's advice where he says "so, how's that workin' for ya"? (If what you're doing is not working, you need to do something different). Ya just gotta laugh sometimes! Do you remember laughing? Reeaaally laughing?

amy said...

oh man, i hear you. love to you.

Sarah and Jack said...

How appropriate that I would read this today, after the world's shittiest morning. :-/

Apron Thrift Girl said...

I've spent the last year behaving like this and only realized this spring that it was driving me crazy. I decided to let go of stuff and responsibilities. The stuff is hard and easy to let go of and luckily the few responsibilities that I had were sort of easy to. Now figuring out how to enjoy life again is the hard part. Go figure.