So, after taking the depressed cookie cake out of the oven...
:: sobbing ::
"Why are you crying?"
:: sobbing ::
"Do you even know why you're crying?"
:: sob :: "Because I'm a failure. A faaaaaaiiiiiillllllluuuuuurrrreeee..."
"Why are you a failure?"
:: sob :: :: gasp :: :: sob :: "Because the cookie cake," :: sob :: "Is ruined. Rrrrruuuuuiiiiinnnneeeddd." :: sob ::
"You're crying because the gluten-free cookie cake is ruined?" Takes a bite. "Actually, that's pretty damn good."
:: sobbing :: "No, its not. Its not good enough..."
"I cook. That's what I do. You've been yelling at me for, " :: sob :: "Months to write a cookbook and," :: sob :: "I can't even make a fucking cookie cake. How in the hell am I going to tell people how to cook if I can't even make a cookie cake?"
"Laura, you know for a fact that gluten-free baking is hard. Its difficult. Why do you think you haven't been successful yet? You're not a failure. The only thing you're failing at is expecting yourself to do something no one has done yet."
:: sobbing :: "There's no room for mediocrity. You know I'm an overachiever. I use to be a master baker, now I'm, " :: sob :: "A failure."
And on, and so forth, for about another 45 minutes, until I decide I'm going to kick gluten-free baking's ass and put that bitch in her place, and run to Whole Foods (oh gawd, Whole Foods? I hate you on the weekends. Hate.) and buy a whole bunch of ingredients, determined that I, by myself, will concoct a SUPER gluten-free baking mix all On My Own, Thank You Very Much. And I came home, made dinner and self-medicated myself by watching Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy because all that emotion? Is totally exhausting.
As for the other psycho-maniac?
Griffin had a complete mental meltdown when Aaron told him he couldn't grow a beard yet.
Honestly, I have no idea where my children get their dramatics from.