Monday, January 30, 2006

Debunking the Blogger's Mantra

Why is it, when I asked a blogger a question the person nearly immediately replied with "You don't know me," complete with finger snaps and head roll?

Why do people choose to blog, choose what to write about and still get offended when someone asks a question? If they don't want random readers, shouldn't they password protect their website? If they don't want comments, shouldn't they not allow them?

I've noticed as I read more blogs and back posts, this has become an epidemic.

For instance, I have been reading a person's blog for quite awhile. She is not at all like me -- Republican, seriously Christian and young. She has planned her wedding, picked her date (in less than two years from now), chosen her engagement ring and yet, even admitted she's never been on a date. Her blog drips with the notion and importance of getting married, right down to quotes of Victorian-era poems describing how important it is to be a wife.

So two weeks ago, she had another post with a link to an article (that "everyone needs to read") -- with the topic being about dating and marriage, and how guys lead girls on. I couldn't take it anymore - I had to ask why she appeared to be so obsessed about marriage. I didn't mean to be rude; I just wanted to know, I wanted to understand.

Her first reply was a no-answer; her second reply was "I'm not interested in getting married" and "this is a small aspect of who I am". Pppppppppfffffffftttttt.

So, not only do I now not understand why she entranced with the notion of getting married, she's pulled out the Blogger's Mantra.

I can't - and won't try to - change her mind about helping me understand. But I can tell you, that as a reader of no appropriate behavior, as long as you ask me a question without being an ass about it I'll try to answer any questions you may have.

Except what's my last name. That's the only one I will not answer (turns out Aaron is a very paranoid person).


marshamlow said...

I didn't get married until I was 31, and my perception of marriage is totally different now than it was before.

I am 36, living here in Japan most of the other mothers of 2 year olds are in their early 20s or younger. So many of my friends are quite a bit younger than me. I have had to learn the hard way to keep my mouth shut. Whenever my new friends were complaining about things that I have experienced and feel I can give good advice to help them out, they get very offended and never speak to me again. Turns out most young people don't really want advice, they think that means that I think I am better than them. Whatever.

In real life or blogs some people are just not interested in any view other than their own. They want people to agree with them or to shut up. Coincidentally, living in Japan with a bunch of other Americans it is funny to see how many Americans get really flustered by the fact that the Japanese don't do things the same way we do.

kristi said...

I think the previous comment is very perceptive ... there are a lot of people who are too insecure to face any kind of questioning at all. But the thing is, the internet isn't the place for that kind of attitude. It's unrealistic to start a blog and then get bent out of shape when someone questions you or asks for just a little more information.

So I'm glad you are willing to answer questions. If only I weren't too lame to think of a good question to ask now...

RSM said...

I have overly annoyed and sensitive to advice emails because I have received SO MANY mean, rude, and ridiculous things in the past, you wouldn't believe it. But, I am fine with someone stating a difference of opinion, as long as they can do so without getting personal or being a complete shithead.

I don't think it's a matter of "agree with me or shut up". I think that a lot of people with blogs get emailed often just to be told that their way of doing things are wrong because it's not how the particular reader would do them. And that, quite frankly, is obnoxious - whether it comes with the blogging territory or not.

I know that I don't go around saying that my way is the right way - it's just my way. It's what works for me. And if I don't ask for how someone else does it or opinions or advice, then I don't understand why people bother. If you don't like it, move along to another blog. Who cares?

Everyone is different, so why should it matter if someone else is doing something that bothers you? I don't understand why people go out of their way to point it out how annoyed they are by someone else.

Also, if someone comes to my site and states a difference of opinion and I even begin to defend myself they get all ZSnap on me and say kind of what you said here, "Why have a blog then if you can't take the comments." Well, in my opinion, don't argue with someone if you're not willing to be argued with. If you're going to create a debate on someone's website, it's only natural for them to defend themselves.

Wow. This comment is long. I told you I'm overly sensitive about this subject. Anyway, this comment isn't directed towards you, especially since I didn't even see what you wrote to that girl. I'm just stating how I feel about the subject and the people that come to my site and act like high-schoolers.

RSM said...

That first sentence was supposed to be "I have BECOME overly sensitive".... You'd think I'd proof read once in a while.

capello said...

Rockstar Mommy -- I totally agree with what you said; like I said in my post I was asking why she was so concerned about marriage. I didn't say she was wrong, I just was wondering why. She talks about it so much and give no back story.

And I agree that people should be jumping bloggers' shit; if you are genuinely intreguied and want to know more, ask away. Otherwise, let people live their lives.

I've been reading your site and Amalah's for awhile, and I have seen what trolls do to both of you. The last thing I want is trolls on my site, nor do I want to remotely act like a troll on another person's site.

And for everyone's reference, the site that caused the post was The debate happened on January 19th; but I referenced multiple posts on her site, including when she talked about her wedding (October 27th).