I feel that parenting is a bit like gardening.
You go into with the best of intentions. You think you know what you are getting yourself into, and you dive in.
Then, after a bit, you look around and wondering what the hell you got yourself into. Are you doing it right? Are you giving too much, too little? Surprises come up, you ask the best experts you know, you change what you are doing and hope for the very best.
Last week, while attending the BlogHer'12 Conference in NYC (more on that trip on another day), I got a call from the local children's hospital - we've been expecting Emerson's recent scope results for his eosinophilic esophagitis.
I took the call, ducking out of the iphonography session, to speak to the nurse.
His eosinophilic cells more than quintupled.
There's simply no other way to put it: I feel fucked.
He's already avoiding all the foods he's allergic to, still taking his god-awfully-expensive special formula. And the numbers took a massive jump, what the hell?
After going through all his records (in the hallway, where I barely had reception) and discussing his behaviors (still wakes up at least three times a night, screaming bloody murder plus a whole gamut of other stuff, like refusing to talk even tho he can, punk), the nurse let me go so she could talk to the doctor.
Later that evening, she called back letting me know that the doctor didn't want Emery to have any food for the next three-or-so weeks (just special formula), until we came in for an office appointment.
Hahahaha, yeah, right.
This after nearly a year of hissy fights and fights and stop chipmunking your food in your cheek and swallow and here, try this and mmmmmm, doesn't that taste good she wants us to cold-turkey him off food?
Tomorrow I need to call them back, because this whole don't feed the child anything business simply isn't working - his face is breaking out, he's screaming, miserable, and constantly signing for "more chocolate chips."
This whole parenting thing isn't easy. Neither is gardening, really.
But sometimes you get to step back, take a look and realize: you're doing best job you can - and look! Everything is blooming.