Monday, September 24, 2007

It Can't All be Wedding Cake, it Can't All be Boiled Away

Our weekend was a lot of this...


... lying around trying to avoid death.

I don't know what it is, but I always get sick around equinoxes and solstices. Something about the world being in balance really fucks me up.

Both kids are still sick, as is practically everyone I know. Urgh. Can I be done yet? Come on, it's been four or five days. That's enough.

Despite not feeling our best, we tried to get things done. The main one was getting a new cable box.

Our cable company did some "upgrades" that our DVR box was accepting so we had to take it in and get a new one.

Little did we know the "upgrades" were really DOWNGRADES and now the cable box is really nothing more than a pile of shit designed to drive me fucking crazy.

I'm suppose to write a letter to the cable company, send it to the local offices and well as the national office, but Aaron wants me to refrain from cursing.

"What the fuck? I can't curse?"

"No, Laura. If you call them a bunch of cocksuckers and fucktards they're just gonna throw your letter away."

"But you're taking away my voice!"

"I'm not taking away your voice, just the cursing."

"CURSING IS MY VOICE!"

Gah. Men. Fuck.

This weekend I also got an email from Laura (LLA if you're nasty) telling me the new Lego Advent calendar is up on the Lego site.

Now I don't know if you realize this or not, but we like Legos in this household. Every year I get a Lego Advent Calendar. This started long before I had kids. Mainly because I'm a nerd. And love Legos.

In 2005 I accidentally purchased the Lego City Advent Calendar because I thought it was different. Um, yeah. Different doesn't even begin to describe that fucking advent calendar. Prior to that, the Lego advent calendars had been cool, "safe" things like snowmen, angels and reindeer.

In 2006 the only Lego advent calendar available was the City version. I couldn't find a reasonable, non-fucked version anywhere. So I did want any normal nerd would do: I wrote about the Lego advent calendar as we did it for the whole month.

Because nothing says "happy holidays" like a stoned air traffic controller and an anal probe machine.

This year, Lego has introduced three advent calendars. I can't decide which one I want ("Aaron! There's three this year!" "You can only have one." "What?!" "One." "Come on, we have two kids, we can have at least two, right?" "No, one." "You suck." "Not as well as you, my dear.").

So... let's take a closer look.

(Images selfishly stolen from lego.com) (As is the text.)

It’s 24 days of LEGO building fun with the LEGO City Advent Calendar! Includes 24 city-themed surprises for the season, including LEGO minifigures, accessories and more!

  • Each day open a new window in the specially designed Advent Calendar box to reveal a new set - 24 in all!
  • Models include LEGO City equipment and minifigures, plus a tree, fireplace and more!
Read as: more stoned air traffic controllers and jewel thieves. Awesome for teaching your children how to properly pull off a heist.


Celebrate the season with the LEGO Belville Advent Calendar! Includes 24 different LEGO surprises, including cute animals, beautiful fairies, and more. It’s like a Christmas fairy tale come true!
  • Each day open a new window in the specially designed Belville Advent Calendar box to reveal a new set - 24 in all!
  • Models include animals, accessories, fairy, and more!
Read as: Keep your children fucking delusional and teach them the world is full of rainbows, gumdrops and FAIRIES.


Get in the holiday spirit with this exciting CLIKITS™ Advent Calendar! Open the calendar door each day from December 1st through 24th to find another CLIKITS surprise: icons, frames, pictures, and more, plus building instructions. Make jewelry, ornaments, gift tags, cards and more. Every week, use the instructions provided to combine elements to create an extra model! Hours of holiday fun!

Read as: all the cool stuff you need to teach your children to be crafty and bitchy all at once. Does not come with supplies from abercrombie kids or bratz dolls.

So... which one should I choose? Which one is the most fucked up?

24 comments:

jennifer said...

I would go with the City calendar. You can get previous year's calendars that have Christmas themes on Ebay. Isn't about time Lego came up with a new theme? It's been three years of City, we had really hoped for Star Wars this year. A-L-L L-E-G-O STAR WARS all the time at our house!

hazeljoy said...

clickits. definitely. those girls have no noses. wierd.

laeroport said...

Keep it with the city. Although I may have to indulge my children with the one full of fairies. We're into fairies at the moment.

And I hope you don't include my husband in with the fucktards at the cable company. He just makes the commercials.

kristi said...

Of course cursing is your voice, goddamnit. What's that man thinking?

I'd have to go with the standard Lego Advent calendar. When did they decide they had to make girly Legos? By definition, Legos are the perfect unisex toy already.

LauraJ said...

Always the one NOT to go with the crowd I vote Belville. I want to see the little fucktarded fairies!!

Alicia A. said...

clickits. no doubt about it.

hope you all are feeling a little better.

Chara Michele said...

I would go with the city one too. The fairies and girls just look way too weird!

I hope your kids feel better soon so that you get a break!

Renee said...

Great, now you have me wanting to buy something else. That looks pretty cool.

LLA said...

"LLA if you're nasty"
(hee hee hee hee)

Also cracking me up -
Hazeljoy said: those girls have no noses.

No noses? How do they smell?


DISGUSTING!

(hee hee hee hee somemore...)


I really need to get help, don't I?

Chickenbells said...

Damn...I loved last year's daily surprise fuckeduppedness...but, the click it one is super fucked...oh gawds...Then again, faries and gumdrops are sooo very...

PamKittyMorning said...

WEll you already have some experience with the city.. I'm peeved about the two girl choices. That's the best we can do for girls????

Sara said...

I'm guessing you already know about this trick, but just in case: my friend made a gorgeous Lego cake out of frosting over a retangular sheet cake and 6 upended cupcakes on top.

Selfishly, I want to see more stoned serial killer cityworkers.

lera said...

Oh! The Lego Advent? Already? I always love reading your description of the day's Lego.

I might have to buy a set this year.

(Feel better, friend.)

Stephanie said...

I'm not much help in the calendar dept. but I can tell you that I have a HILARIOUS Lego book about the "the story of christmas" that isn't endorsed by Lego. It's totally fucked up and I'll totally send you some scans. =)
Seriously the angels have 5 o'clock shadow.

Angelina said...

Legos and fairies seems like an acid trip gone wrong.

Bitterbetty said...

I say if you aren't allowed to get 2 or 3 Advents you should just order it anyway and claim it was left by elves or Elvis or something.
How can Aaron put a limit on your fun?

But if you aren't up for hard core holiday anarchy:
William Sledd would get the Clickits.. Bitches.

jac said...

Oh god, I can't decide! Fairies! No, whore dolls! No, fairies! I think I am over-exciting myself. I might need to lie down.

She sure is strange! said...

Oh man, try to find the Playmobil advent thing, much cuter!! We have the nativity set too.

Molly

kirsten said...

you've gotta admit that city calendar made for some good blogging! i was entertained, anyway...

love the getting sick when everything's in line thing - awesome.

i think we might do the advent calendar, too - it'll have to be the first one, though (really, like there's a choice!).

Suzie Sews said...

One word...'GUM DROPs'...does it for me!!!
OK OK eight words..now more...

rohanknitter said...

THOSE are their choices for an advent calendar??

Where's the playmobil catalog?

amandajean said...

I love the photo of your boy in the toy box. that is priceless. is he asleep?

Jessica said...

How will they know you are angry if you do not swear? That is one of the few hints my husband has that I am pissed at him, my liberal use of the words fuck and asshole.

nuttnbunny said...

Did you order yet? Lego City is now on the way to mi casa. I blame you. In the best of all possible senses, of course.